A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

Hank is exhausted from the adventure, but he can’t sleep because the pigs—which are running around in the house—are making lots of noise. He’s also puzzled by how Sandy, as sane as anyone in the kingdom, could be deluded enough to think the pigs were women. But sanity is in the eye of the beholder: if he told her about the technology of the 19th century, like trains, hot air balloons, and telephones, she would think that he was crazy.

In the morning, Sandy serves the pigs a grand breakfast at the main table, while Hank (because he is a commoner) is banished to a lesser seat in the hall. It turns out, to Hank’s surprise, that this isn’t Sandy’s home—they’ve just dropped off a herd of pigs at a random nobleman’s house. Sandy, however, maintains that the homeowner will be honored to host so many fine ladies. Hank’s next worry is how they’re going to get all these “ladies” home to their families, but Sandy breezily assures him that each lady is responsible for herself from now on. They come from such far-flung places that escorting them all would be an impossible task. She and Hank can leave them and return to Camelot together.

While Sandy bids farewell to “the pork,” Hank suggests that the servants to clean up the place before the family returns. He wants them to “dust around” where the “nobilities” left their mark, and he’s horrified when all the servants do is add another layer of rushes over the excrement and filth.

No sooner are Hank and Sandy on their way then they come upon a procession of well-dressed, well-equipped, middle-class pilgrims heading towards the Valley of Holiness. Like Chaucer’s pilgrims, they are pleasant and merry, and they’re telling off-color tales.

Sandy explains the Valley of Holiness to Hank. Long ago, a group of monks moved there to study, pray, and practice austerities, like not bathing. Their spiritual endeavors quickly attracted pilgrims. There was no water source in the Valley initially, until God miraculously provided it in response an abbot’s (the leader of a community of monks) prayer. Unfortunately, fresh water allowed the devil to tempt the monks into worldly vanities like bathing. They constructed a bath. Because their desire for physical cleanliness destroyed their spiritual purity in God’s eyes, he dried up the well as punishment. Only after they destroyed the bath and vowed never to wash again did the water flow again. The community prospered, and now it includes a monastery, a convent, a foundling asylum (orphanage), and all the kinds of hermits a person could wish to see.

Later that afternoon, Hank, Sandy, and the pilgrims encounter another group of travelers. They are also pilgrims of a sort, but they are far less merry than the first band because they are slaves. These starved, filthy, and injured people are a pitiable sight. One stumbles with fatigue, and the slave drivers whip her furiously. Hank feels horror, but the pilgrims just note how expertly the driver wields the whip. Hank watches as a family is torn apart because the mother and baby were sold to a local lord, but not the father.

The band of pilgrims stops at an inn for the night. In the morning, Hank intercepts Sir Ozana le Cure Hardy, another of his knights. Ozana carries stovepipe hats. Hank hopes he can undermine the power of the knighthood by making knights adopt ridiculous fashions. Sir Ozana bears bad news from the Valley of Holiness, where the miraculous fountain stopped flowing nine days ago. As prayers and repentance haven’t had an effect, the monks have sent for “The Boss” and Merlin to restore the miracle. Merlin is already there, working his charms.

Hank sends Ozana back to Camelot with a requisition for Clarence to send men and supplies from the Chemical Department to the Valley of Holiness as quickly as possible.