A Hope in the Unseen

Cedric has returned home for winter break, and is looking forward to Alumni Day at Ballou. It has provided him with the motivation that he needed on his most difficult days at Brown, reminding him that he would have to come back and face the students of his high school, and would be letting them down if he failed. He thinks about what he wants to say to them, and feels that he should be honest about the difficulties of that first semester and about being away from home. When he returned to Scripture Cathedral, he was boastful at first, telling everyone he had a 4.0 grade point average, despite the fact that in reality, he had taken all of his classes pass/fail and had no idea what his GPA would be.

When Cedric arrives at Ballou for Alumni Day, he is more nervous than he expected to be, and quickly repeats the 4.0 lie, and tells the teachers that he will be coming back as the school’s principal someday, after he has made his fortune as a software designer. When he gets up to speak, he attempts to talk about practical matters to the sparse group of about ten seniors in attendance. He tells them to take advantage of the rest of their time at Ballou because there are fewer people to hold their hands in college, and they will need to build their own support networks. When it is over, Cedric goes to find Mr. Taylor, his beloved chemistry teacher, but when he sees the blood stain from a recent knife fight in the hallway, he decides that he needs to leave and never come back.

Cedric is eating out with LaTisha after taking her to the Sunday service at Scripture Cathedral, where she believes she was taken over by the Holy Spirit. She got on stage with Bishop Long, and something came over her, though Cedric is skeptical about whether or not the Holy Spirit actually entered her body. Either way, LaTisha feels that something has changed for her, and she hopes that she has found the key to Cedric’s passion and drive. She has missed him during his first semester away at college, and realizes that their friendship was something more than that, and that she may have developed romantic feelings for him after all of these years. She is hurt that he has not called her earlier, as soon as he got home, and his explanation is vague—he has been at home with nothing to do.

They return to church that evening for a second service, and LaTisha stews in her sense of disappointment over her time with Cedric. He had mentioned that he was feeling less enthusiastic about his connection to the church, and she wonders if she could find her faith and use that to help him. When the service is over, they begin to talk about what Bishop Long said about looking presentable when coming to church, and before long they are screaming at each other. She suddenly sees herself as Cedric must see her: overweight, clingy, and stuck in Washington, D.C., forever. She is sure that he used to see beyond all of that, into her soul, and know that she is a good person. However, he has changed, and he no longer belongs to this part of the world—to her world.

Back at Brown, Cedric is surprised by how comfortable he feels, and how he has come to see this place as home. He also resolves to never take an entire semester’s worth of classes pass/fail, because he should not be so fearful anymore. When he begins to show more initiative in his calculus class, answering three questions in a row and worrying about showing off, Cedric begins to think about conversations he has had with Bishop Long about the sin of pride. He wonders where the line is between using one’s gifts to glorify God and being prideful. He is not sure, but he knows that very few Brown students got there by simply putting their faith in God. 

In another math class he is considering taking, Cedric sees one of the smarter students in the class, and realizes that he was the student at Ballou who had gotten into Brown. He had boundless confidence at Ballou, which he immediately lost upon coming to Brown. Cedric also realizes something even more profound about why he felt so terrible about taking easy classes pass/fail last semester. While pride has always been considered a sin in the church, in his neighborhood, and at Ballou, it is exactly that—self-centered, boastful pride—that got him to Brown, and he has no reason to shelve that quality now. He decides to take five classes, including the more challenging math class.

Cedric and Zayd are hanging out at The Gate, a popular eatery on campus, and Cedric notices his friend’s boots, which are very similar to a style that Cedric wears. He notes that Zayd originally did not like the style, and suggests that he is mimicking Cedric’s style, which grates on him. Zayd explains that their styles will naturally rub off on one another, but Cedric is bothered by the idea that Zayd is copying his inner-city look in a way that is inauthentic. Zayd brings up a book he read about children in the housing projects of Chicago, where he is from, but Cedric responds by asking if Zayd’s “professor dad” had him read the book. Eventually, their tension turns to laughter, and all is well between them.

Cedric still holds on to his feelings of frustration, though, and when Zayd’s friend joins them, Cedric remarks that he should not be seen around two white guys, because people will think he is selling out. He apologizes for his rudeness, but then adds that he does not expect that the white people around him will be supportive of him. Zayd tells him that he supports him, just as Cedric supports Zayd, and Cedric puts that latter statement in doubt. Finally, Zayd tells Cedric that he, as a white man, wants to be friends with Cedric, a black man, and that should be enough. Cedric tells him that he has a lot of work to do, and leaves.