Death, Denial, and Acceptance Theme Analysis

In A Monster Calls, thirteen-year-old Conor lives in an English town with his mother, who is implied to be battling cancer. Over the course of the book, Conor’s mother grows more and more ill as multiple treatments fail her, and it’s implied that she passes away just after the novel’s conclusion. At the beginning of the book, Conor has a difficult time coming to terms with the very real possibility that his mother may not get better. One night, as he is grappling with this denial, an enormous monster that takes the shape of a yew tree pays him a visit and returns on several other occasions. Though the monster looks terrifying, its intention is to tell Conor stories and to help him try to heal from the pain and sadness he is experiencing. What the monster ultimately helps Conor recognize, and what the book ultimately argues, is that Conor and his family cannot avoid suffering and death; instead, they must confront their pain head on in order to eventually move past it.

Conor is constantly confronted with his mother’s suffering and evidence of her impending death. Despite the fact that her health is deteriorating right before his eyes, Conor holds out hope that she will get better and tries to push away his own suffering in the process. Ness fills the book with examples of Conor’s mother’s sickness: she feels exhausted and often falls asleep in odd places; she is losing her hair from her treatments; she vomits so often that Conor describes this as “normal.” Despite these facts, Conor is firmly in denial about his mother’s condition. When Conor’s mother tries to tell him that she won’t get better, he rejects this idea and accuses her of lying because she had said she believed her treatments would work. His mother is incredibly hurt by this, but she tells him through sobs that she understands why he is angry with her. This reaction demonstrates how Conor’s attempt to push away his own grief only inflicts more pain and suffering on himself and those around him.

Because he is in denial about his mother’s illness, Conor attempts to make things appear completely normal at all costs. But in doing so, he only gets more and more upset when people try to make changes in his life, because he wants to continue believing that everything is normal. This leads to difficult situations with his family members, who are attempting to prepare Conor for his mother’s death. For instance, Conor and his grandmother have a difficult relationship, as she is often cold and strict towards him. Conor is adamant that everything is fine and that he doesn’t need to live with his grandmother when his mother ends up in the hospital, but his grandmother insists that he live with her. Eventually Conor takes out his frustration with the situation by destroying her antique-filled living room. Conor also has a confrontation with his father, who divorced his mother several years earlier and now lives in America with his new wife, Stephanie, and a new baby. Conor’s father insists that Conor has to be brave for what could come “after,” but Conor insists that he doesn’t want to talk about what the future might be like until after his mother gets better, again displaying his deep-rooted denial.

Conor’s inability to face his mother’s death is what summons the monster to his room. The monster tells Conor stories in order to show him that it is okay to be angry at the world, to be frustrated with his family, and to be upset about the weight that his mother’s illness places on him. After the monster gives Conor permission to express his grief and pain, the climax of the book shows Conor finally coming to terms with his mother’s impending death. Conor understands the necessity of expressing his grief rather than denying it, because allowing himself to feel the painful sting of loss is the only way he can eventually move past that pain. The monster pushes Conor to face a recurring nightmare in which his mother is falling from a cliff and Conor tries to save her. Conor lets go of his mother because she has become so heavy, even though he knows that he could hold onto her for a little bit longer. The nightmare shows how Conor is weighed down by the emotional pain of watching his mother die. He explains to the monster, “I started to think how much I wanted it to be over. How much I just wanted to stop having to think about it. How I couldn’t stand the waiting anymore.” Conor has experienced so much suffering, and has tried to avoid it for so long, that he fears confronting his own emotional pain even more than he fears his mother’s death. However, after Conor speaks this truth, the monster is able to comfort Conor; the monster tells him that it is okay, and very human, to wish for the end of pain, and that Conor does not have to feel guilty for his mother’s death because Conor is not responsible for it. Unlike in his nightmare, when he tries to cling to his mother’s hand and keep her from falling into the pit (thus making him responsible for whether she lives or dies), in real life he has no control over the outcome of her battle with cancer. The monster also helps Conor admit to his mother that he doesn’t want her to die, a final honest confession that releases the tension between them. The monster even stays with Conor as his mother passes away. These actions of comfort show that while Conor’s suffering is unavoidable, attempting to suppress it only makes it worse. Only in expressing his grief over his mother’s death is Conor then able to receive the monster’s comfort, which he acknowledges will help him get through this terrible pain.