Isolation Theme Analysis

One of Conor’s primary struggles in the story is his isolation as a result of his mother’s cancer diagnosis. When Conor’s mother is diagnosed, she tells the mother of a friend of his, Lily, and Lily subsequently tells a few friends of hers. This quickly results in the entire school knowing that Conor’s mother is battling cancer, and immediately they begin to treat Conor differently. Conor’s friends and classmates begin to leave him alone, perhaps because they want to be sensitive to what he’s going through, or because they don’t know how to act around him, or perhaps because they don’t want to deal with someone associated with illness and death. Conor feels the world shift around him as a result, which is particularly difficult when he is trying to deny that anything is wrong. Through Conor’s struggles at school, Ness highlights the human impulse to give people space when they’re struggling, but suggests that such imposed isolation can actually deepen feelings of pain and grief. Instead, leaning in and offering support to people in pain is often far more helpful and appreciated.

Conor describes early in the book how people have changed their behavior toward him after learning of his mother’s illness. Whether they’re uncomfortable around Conor or want to give him space to grieve, most people naturally avoid Conor rather than run to comfort him. Conor explains that, after Lily knew about his mother’s cancer, everyone knew, and that this spreading of information “changed the whole world in a single day.” He describes that “it was like a circle had opened around him, a dead area with Conor at the center, surrounded by land mines that everyone was afraid to walk through.” This word choice implies that the people around him worry about how to treat Conor—worried he will self-destruct if they make one wrong move—and therefore they simply choose to tiptoe around him instead of directly engaging with him. Friends stop talking to Conor when he walks up to them, people whisper as he walks by, and teachers look at him differently when he raises his hand in class. “So eventually,” Ness writes, “he stopped going over to groups of friends, stopped looking up at the whispers, and even stopped putting up his hand”—and that no one even noticed when he stopped these actions. Conor pins his anger squarely on Lily because of the fact that others now treat him differently. However, getting mad at Lily only isolates Conor further, pushing him away from one of his closest friends. Through these descriptions, Ness demonstrates how isolation—whether it is intentional or not—can amplify the pain and grief of dealing with a tragedy in one’s family.

Due to this isolation, Conor starts to feel invisible, and looks for opportunities to know that he is being seen and heard even in the midst of his grief. Conor even starts to cherish being bullied because at least he knows that Harry (the school bully) sees him. When Harry and his cronies, Sully and Anton, walk towards him, Conor describes feeling “weak with relief,” because at least someone is paying attention to him. However, even Harry starts to realize that Conor longs to be noticed, and so he, too, treats Conor like he is invisible. Harry tells Conor that he is going to do “the very worst thing I can do to you,” before shaking his hand and telling him, “I no longer see you.” This confirms that Harry knows how painful it is for Conor to be ignored or isolated, as even his bully capitalizes on it.

Conor is normally very gentle and kind, but as soon as he feels completely invisible, he acts out violently in order to get noticed, once again revealing his heartbreaking longing for human connection in the face of his deep pain and grief. When Harry starts to ignore Conor, Conor calls upon the monster to tell him the third story. The third story is about an invisible man who is not actually invisible but whom people had become used to not seeing—a metaphor, it seems, for Conor’s own situation at school. Conor then beats up Harry in the school cafeteria in order to be noticed, going to such extremes that he sends Harry flying across the room. When Harry continues to taunt Conor by repeating that he doesn’t see him, Conor only becomes more enraged. Conor breaks Harry’s arm, nose, and several of his teeth, landing Harry in the hospital. Even though Conor gets himself noticed, he only becomes more isolated from his peers for his violent solution. He describes how he is no longer invisible, but he is “further away than ever” from the other students, who now clearly fear him. Through Conor’s fruitless attempts at connection, Ness seems to suggest that everyone has the responsibility to understand when someone is hurting and to actively reach out. It is only when Lily passes Conor a note, apologizing for what she did and writing, “I see you,” that Conor feels comforted. If isolation is incredibly harmful to Conor, then it is human connection that gives him the support he needs to make it through a tough time.