The First Constable Quotes in Accidental Death of an Anarchist
MANIAC: Ah ah. Strait-jacket or nothing. Article 122 of the Penal Code states, “Whoever in his capacity as a public official imposes non-clinical instruments of restraint upon a psychologically disturbed person in a manner liable to provoke a crisis in the disturbance shall incur charges punishable by five to fifteen years with forfeit of pension.”
CONSTABLE: Ah. (He backs off, terrified of losing his pension)
MANIAC: Who wants to be a barrister? I don’t want to be passive. I don’t want to defend. I’m like you, Inspector. I like to accuse, convict, judge and pass sentence.
BERTOZZO: Never actually impersonated a judge, have you? Just for the record?
MANIAC: Unfortunately the opportunity hasn’t arisen so far,
CONSTABLE: Shame.
MANIAC: Yes, but oh I’d love to do a judge. You see the thing about judges is that they never retire. That’s the beauty of it. Your ordinary humdrum sons and daughters of toil, they hit sixty and they’re finished, they slow down, get sloppy, sluggish, whoops onto the scrap heap—at that very same moment that your average magistrate blooms into a high court judge...
MANIAC: I’ll throw myself out! How high are we? I will.
BERTOZZO: Bugger him! I’ll give him a hand.
CONSTABLE: This place has got a bad enough record as it is. We can’t afford another one.
BERTOZZO: You’re right, Constable.
CONSTABLE: I know I’m right.
MANIAC: And when I’m down there all sludgy on the pavement and doing the death rattle and be warned I shall take a long time to die and I’ll be rattling a lot—the journalists will be flocking round and I’ll tell them, rattling away, that you pushed me!! (He makes to jump)
MANIAC: Nobody move. Justice has arrived.
He empties files out of the window.
MANIAC: You’re free, free, absolutely free! Not so free.
He opens top drawer of filing cabinet and looks through.
MANIAC: Oooh I see, the big fish. Pesci grossi! Diamond smugglers, drug racketeers. You can all stay there. Where are all the little people? I know.
Closes top drawer and opens bottom drawer. Looks through.
MANIAC: That’s more like it. Heads!
Takes an armful of files and empties them out of the window
MANIAC: (To CONSTABLE again) You got a brother who works here?
CONSTABLE: No.
MANIAC: (to STAGE MANAGER) Remind me not to appear in these cheap touring productions again. Can’t even afford a decent-sized cast.
VOICE OFF: Sorry (name of actor) …
PISSANI: For Christ’s sake. Do you mind?
MANIAC: Sorry, it’s the touring.
PISSANI: The greasy breakfasts!
MANIAC: The nylon sheets. Where were we?
The First Constable Quotes in Accidental Death of an Anarchist
MANIAC: Ah ah. Strait-jacket or nothing. Article 122 of the Penal Code states, “Whoever in his capacity as a public official imposes non-clinical instruments of restraint upon a psychologically disturbed person in a manner liable to provoke a crisis in the disturbance shall incur charges punishable by five to fifteen years with forfeit of pension.”
CONSTABLE: Ah. (He backs off, terrified of losing his pension)
MANIAC: Who wants to be a barrister? I don’t want to be passive. I don’t want to defend. I’m like you, Inspector. I like to accuse, convict, judge and pass sentence.
BERTOZZO: Never actually impersonated a judge, have you? Just for the record?
MANIAC: Unfortunately the opportunity hasn’t arisen so far,
CONSTABLE: Shame.
MANIAC: Yes, but oh I’d love to do a judge. You see the thing about judges is that they never retire. That’s the beauty of it. Your ordinary humdrum sons and daughters of toil, they hit sixty and they’re finished, they slow down, get sloppy, sluggish, whoops onto the scrap heap—at that very same moment that your average magistrate blooms into a high court judge...
MANIAC: I’ll throw myself out! How high are we? I will.
BERTOZZO: Bugger him! I’ll give him a hand.
CONSTABLE: This place has got a bad enough record as it is. We can’t afford another one.
BERTOZZO: You’re right, Constable.
CONSTABLE: I know I’m right.
MANIAC: And when I’m down there all sludgy on the pavement and doing the death rattle and be warned I shall take a long time to die and I’ll be rattling a lot—the journalists will be flocking round and I’ll tell them, rattling away, that you pushed me!! (He makes to jump)
MANIAC: Nobody move. Justice has arrived.
He empties files out of the window.
MANIAC: You’re free, free, absolutely free! Not so free.
He opens top drawer of filing cabinet and looks through.
MANIAC: Oooh I see, the big fish. Pesci grossi! Diamond smugglers, drug racketeers. You can all stay there. Where are all the little people? I know.
Closes top drawer and opens bottom drawer. Looks through.
MANIAC: That’s more like it. Heads!
Takes an armful of files and empties them out of the window
MANIAC: (To CONSTABLE again) You got a brother who works here?
CONSTABLE: No.
MANIAC: (to STAGE MANAGER) Remind me not to appear in these cheap touring productions again. Can’t even afford a decent-sized cast.
VOICE OFF: Sorry (name of actor) …
PISSANI: For Christ’s sake. Do you mind?
MANIAC: Sorry, it’s the touring.
PISSANI: The greasy breakfasts!
MANIAC: The nylon sheets. Where were we?
