All the Bright Places: 55. Violet: May—weeks 1, 2, and 3 Summary & Analysis

Every kid at school seems to be grieving Finch. Someone builds a shrine in a display case near the principal’s office, and kids leave notes to Finch in it. Violet wants to put all those notes in Finch’s pile of bad words. Otherwise, Violet doesn’t feel much these days; she cries when she’s not feeling empty, and she breaks things off with Ryan. Nobody wants to be around Violet—they seem to be afraid that she’s contagious. Violet sits with Brenda, Lara, and the Brianas at lunch, and a few days after Finch’s funeral, Amanda sits down at the table and offers her condolences. She also says that she broke up with Roamer. Brenda says it’s too late and leaves.

Principal Wertz insists that all Finch’s friends and classmates attend a counseling session. Violet thinks that since Finch’s death was an “accident,” this means everyone can mourn him in public. She requests to see Mr. Embry. Mr. Embry starts by saying he feels responsible for Finch’s death. Violet feels angry—she’s responsible for Finch’s death—but Mr. Embry goes on to say that he’s not actually responsible. He could’ve done more, but trying to assign blame is pointless. Violet says that she could’ve done more and should’ve noticed what was going on, but Mr. Embry points out that Finch went to great pains to hide what he was going through.

Mr. Embry opens up a booklet and reads from it. It says as a survivor, a person’s emotional well-being depends on how well they learn to cope with the tragedy they suffered. But although getting through this will be hard, “the worst is already over.” Mr. Embry hands Violet the booklet, which is titled “SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide.” He asks her to read it and to talk to people about it. Since Finch’s death was “different,” Violet is going to feel even more difficult emotions.

When Violet notes that Finch’s family insists it was an accident, Mr. Embry says it doesn’t matter. He just cares that Violet is okay. He tells her that she can’t be responsible for everyone. Eleanor didn’t have a choice—and perhaps Finch didn’t feel like he had a choice either. Violet knows that Mr. Embry is going through every meeting with Finch in his mind, looking for signs. She doesn’t ask if it’s normal to see reminders of Finch everywhere.

That afternoon, Violet reads the entire booklet, and one line sticks with her. It says that the only way to heal is to accept that life has changed forever, but it does go on—just differently. Violet gives the book to her mom at dinner, and Violet’s mom spends all of dinner reading it. Violet’s dad tries to talk to Violet about college, but she excuses herself. Violet is suddenly happy she’s not a parent—it must be horrible to love someone but not be able to help them. She realizes she felt that way about Finch.

The school holds an assembly two weeks after Finch’s funeral. They bring in a person to teach self-defense and then show a film about “the realities of drug use.” Charlie leans over to Violet and says there’s a rumor that Finch died because he was on drugs. Violet is only able to sit through a few minutes before she has to leave the gym and vomit into a trash can. She discovers Amanda sitting nearby and joins her.

After a minute, Violet asks Amanda what goes through a person’s mind when they think about killing themselves. Amanda says she felt small and worthless, like the only logical thing to do was to die. It seemed like nobody would notice or care that she was gone. Violet points out that Amanda is popular and has a great, supportive family—but Amanda says that when she’s thinking about suicide, those things doesn’t matter. Everything feels dark, and all she can think about is herself. She asks if Finch ever saw a doctor and says that Finch was trying to fix himself because of Violet. This makes Violet feel even worse.

In U.S. Geography the next day, Mr. Black reminds the class that their projects are due soon. After class, he asks Violet to stay back and tells her she can turn in whatever she has. He understands that she has “extenuating circumstances.” This annoys Violet; everyone is treating her like she’s fragile. She tells Mr. Black that she’s fine and will finish the project like everyone else. She just wishes she and Finch had documented their wanderings better.

That evening, Violet reads through all of her Facebook messages with Finch. Then, she opens their wandering notebook and writes a letter to Finch. She asks where he went and why he killed himself, and if he knows that she’s going to be changed forever now. Violet used to think that she was changed because Finch got her out of her room, but she never expected that her life would change like this. In closing, she says she’ll never forgive him for leaving. She just wishes he could forgive her, since he saved her life. Violet studies her Germ bulletin board. Suddenly, she gets up and digs out the wandering map. She studies it and sees that Finch circled and numbered five more places for Violet to see on her own.