Samantha Kingston
The protagonist of the novel, Sam Kingston is an average teen girl: she is more popular than most, but she has a lingering insecurity from years of having been bullied as a younger girl. This…
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Lindsay Edgecombe
Lindsay Edgecombe is Samantha Kingston’s best friend—and, formerly, her worst enemy. Lindsay is the ultimate cool high school girl—she is popular, sexy, funny, and turns heads in any room. Sam Kingston, having been not…
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Elody
Elody is one of Sam Kingston’s closest friends. Flamboyant, confident, and somewhat promiscuous, Elody is the “nicest” member of their clique, according to Sam, though her playful and unabashed preoccupation with sex sometimes veers…
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Ally Harris
Ally is a member of Sam Kingston’s core group of friends. Sweet, lovesick, and, like Sam, still a virgin, Ally engages in the cruel behaviors she sees her friends and classmates perpetrate against one…
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Izzy Kingston
Izzy is Sam’s eight-year-old sister. The intrepid and independent Izzy talks with a pronounced lisp and refuses to go to speech therapy despite the fact that the other kids in her class make fun…
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Rob Kokran
Samantha’s hot and popular but cruel, vapid boyfriend Rob has been pressuring her to have sex with him for months, and on Cupid Day, Sam finally feels prepared to lose her virginity to Rob…
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Kent McFuller
Kent is Sam’s childhood sweetheart, and an offbeat but nonetheless likable nerd who attempts, despite the social divisions now dividing them, to connect with Sam even after all the years of estrangement between them…
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Juliet Sykes
Juliet Sykes is a social outcast at Thomas Jefferson High, a strange and quiet girl with no friends whose odd demeanor and unreadability have garnered her the nickname “Psycho”—or perhaps the nickname, and the cruel…
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Anna Cartullo
A junior at Thomas Jefferson who is both outcast and well-known for her promiscuity and her “white trash” background. At the start of the novel, Anna is having an affair with a fellow student, Alex…
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Tara Flute
The de facto leader of the “Pugs” clique—secretly named so by Lindsay Edgecombe, who believes that Tara and her friends Courtney and Bethany are pretty from far away and ugly up close. The girls…
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Mr. Daimler
“The hottest guy at Thomas Jefferson is on the faculty,” says Sam Kingston, speaking about her calculus teacher Mr. Daimler. A former student—and one-time prom king—at Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Daimler is tan, tall, and…
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Ms. Winters
The vice principal at the school who has a “crazy vendetta” against smokers, and is always lurking around parking lots and secluded spots on campus trying to catch students in the act of smoking cigarettes…
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Vicky Hallinan
A girl whom Lindsay bullied in fourth grade. Lindsay nearly ruined Vicky’s reputation forever by calling her fat. Though Vicky overcame the bullying and now is on the fridges of Lindsay and Sam’s social…
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Patrick
Lindsay’s on-again, off-again boyfriend. The two of them have broken up thirteen times in the span of one school year at the start of the novel—and it’s only February. Lindsay is hot and heavy…
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Minor Characters
Lauren Lornet
A fairly unpopular, not particularly smart—but generally kind—classmate of Sam Kingston’s.
Alex Liment
A member of Sam’s class who is well-known for seducing girls and being a general sleazebag.
Bridget McGuire
Alex Liment’s girlfriend. Alex repeatedly cheats on the “super-Catholic” Bridget, who is saving herself for marriage, with the promiscuous Anna Cartullo.
Courtney Walker
A member of the “Pugs” clique who is desperate to befriend Sam Kingston.
Bethany Harps
A girl on the fringes of Sam’s social circle, and a member of the “Pugs.” Bethany is agreeable and changeable with no discernable personality, and according to Sam, “her only role in life is to agree with whatever has just been said.”
Mr. Shaw
The athletic director at Thomas Jefferson High School. The girls at school all think he’s a pervert, and Sam eventually discovers that he is having an affair with Ms. Winters, the vice principal.
Marian Sykes
Juliet Sykes’ younger sister Marian has the same odd, ethereal beauty as her older sister, but seems significantly more popular and well-adjusted socially.
