Gawande’s Father Character Analysis

In truth, neither type is quite what people desire. We want information and control, but we also want guidance. The Emanuels described a third type of doctor-patient relationship, which they called “interpretive.” Here the doctor’s role is to help patients determine what they want. Interpretive doctors ask, “What is most important to you? What are your worries?” Then, when they know your answers, they tell you about the red pill and the blue pill and which one would most help you achieve your priorities.

I realized then that my father had already told us what to do, just as Susan Block’s father had. My dad was more afraid of becoming quadriplegic than of dying. I therefore asked Benzel which posed the greater risk of his becoming quadriplegic in the next couple months: stopping or proceeding? Stopping, he said. We told him to proceed.

We witnessed for ourselves the consequences of living for the best possible day today instead of sacrificing time now for time later. He’d become all but wheelchair bound. But his slide into complete quadriplegia halted. He became more able to manage short distances with a walker. His control of his hands and his arm strength improved. He had less trouble calling people on the phone and using his laptop. The greater predictability of his day let him have more visitors over. Soon he even began hosting parties at our house again. He found that in the narrow space of possibility that his awful tumor had left for him there was still room to live.

When our time is limited and we are uncertain about how best to serve our priorities, we are forced to deal with the fact that both the experiencing self and the remembering self matter. We do not want to endure long pain and short pleasure. Yet certain pleasures can make enduring suffering worthwhile. The peaks are important, and so is the ending.

When I was a child, the lessons my father taught me had been about perseverance: never to accept limitations that stood in my way. As an adult watching him in his final years, I also saw how to come to terms with limits that couldn’t simply be wished away. When to shift from pushing against limits to making the best of them is not often readily apparent. But it is clear that there are times when the cost of pushing exceeds its value. Helping my father through the struggle to define that moment was simultaneously among the most painful and most privileged experiences of my life.

In truth, neither type is quite what people desire. We want information and control, but we also want guidance. The Emanuels described a third type of doctor-patient relationship, which they called “interpretive.” Here the doctor’s role is to help patients determine what they want. Interpretive doctors ask, “What is most important to you? What are your worries?” Then, when they know your answers, they tell you about the red pill and the blue pill and which one would most help you achieve your priorities.

I realized then that my father had already told us what to do, just as Susan Block’s father had. My dad was more afraid of becoming quadriplegic than of dying. I therefore asked Benzel which posed the greater risk of his becoming quadriplegic in the next couple months: stopping or proceeding? Stopping, he said. We told him to proceed.

We witnessed for ourselves the consequences of living for the best possible day today instead of sacrificing time now for time later. He’d become all but wheelchair bound. But his slide into complete quadriplegia halted. He became more able to manage short distances with a walker. His control of his hands and his arm strength improved. He had less trouble calling people on the phone and using his laptop. The greater predictability of his day let him have more visitors over. Soon he even began hosting parties at our house again. He found that in the narrow space of possibility that his awful tumor had left for him there was still room to live.

When our time is limited and we are uncertain about how best to serve our priorities, we are forced to deal with the fact that both the experiencing self and the remembering self matter. We do not want to endure long pain and short pleasure. Yet certain pleasures can make enduring suffering worthwhile. The peaks are important, and so is the ending.

When I was a child, the lessons my father taught me had been about perseverance: never to accept limitations that stood in my way. As an adult watching him in his final years, I also saw how to come to terms with limits that couldn’t simply be wished away. When to shift from pushing against limits to making the best of them is not often readily apparent. But it is clear that there are times when the cost of pushing exceeds its value. Helping my father through the struggle to define that moment was simultaneously among the most painful and most privileged experiences of my life.