Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness

Susannah tells the reader that people often ask her what it felt like to be a different person. She says it's impossible to answer, as she didn't have any self-awareness during her dark period. However, she does remember a few instances from the first few weeks after her release that captured her feelings of being a different person.

A few days after her hospital stay for plasma exchange, Stephen takes Susannah to see his sisters, Rachael and Bridget, and their children. As they drive, Susannah comments on turkey that Stephen had brought her in the hospital, and Stephen laughs. When they arrive at Rachael's house, Rachael is shocked to see Susannah's state. Susannah notes that though she was aware that she wasn't totally herself, she had no idea just how out of it she was. The two toddlers don't seem aware that Susannah is any different, but Rachael's six-year-old son is scared of Susannah. Susannah can't figure out why.

Stephen hands the children some of Susannah's stuffed animals from the hospital, and then chats with his sisters for a few minutes. They all wonder if Susannah will ever be the same again. Stephen soon guides Susannah back to the car. Susannah tells the reader that this scene is branded in her mind as a key moment in her recovery, as it made it abundantly clear how far she has to go.

Another instance that stands out in Susannah's mind is the first time she saw James. When James arrives at Mom's house after finishing his first year at college, Susannah and Stephen are out. He busies himself watching TV until Susannah arrives and hobbles into the house, supported by Stephen. She doesn't notice him initially, and her distorted, puffy appearance is disturbing for James. When Susannah finally notices James, the look on his face makes her realize how sick she is. She, James, and Mom embrace and cry.