Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness: Chapter 44 Summary & Analysis

Dr. Najjar finally is able to prescribe at-home IVIG treatments every other week, and Susannah has twelve between July and December. She remains in contact with Paul, who asks every few weeks when she'll return to work. Finally, Susannah agrees to stop by the Post offices and say hello to everyone. She wears the only dress that still fits her and takes her first solo train ride into Manhattan.

When Susannah reaches the offices, she feels suddenly exhausted and like this is too soon. She texts Paul to meet her on the street. Paul greets Susannah with a bear hug. He chats about work, and Susannah struggles to keep up through the fog of her medications. She mentions that she's on drugs and will be off them by the time she returns to work, and refuses to go up and say hi to her coworkers. When Paul goes back upstairs, he wonders if Susannah will ever be capable of returning to work.

Two weeks later, Susannah gets a call from Mackenzie, asking her to write an article about Facebook etiquette. Though Susannah is ashamed of when she'd last seen Mackenzie (when she'd failed to write an article just before her seizures began), she throws herself into the process of writing. She researches as though it's the most important article she's ever written, and though she struggles to begin writing, she finally manages to type out a rough article. It runs in the July 28 issue, and Susannah glows with pride when she sees it. She shows it to everyone as proof that her spark is back.

A week later, Susannah contacts Mackenzie and agrees to visit the Post offices. When she enters the office, nobody notices her. Mackenzie walks Susannah to Steve's office, where he asks when she's coming back. Susannah flushes and says she'll be back soon, but is uncomfortable. When they leave Steve's office, other reporters from the Sunday paper surround Susannah. She struggles to concentrate, and the mother hen of the group hugs Susannah and reminds Susannah that they all love her. This only makes Susannah feel more uncomfortable and self-conscious. She wonders if she'll ever feel comfortable in the newsroom again.