Adeline Yen Mah’s memoir is a coming-of-age story colored by her abusive childhood; it is an account of her journey of survival and overcoming trauma. After being raised in such a demeaning environment, Adeline takes her first steps towards overcoming her childhood and entering adulthood when she begins to learn to base her self-worth on her own abilities and her capacity to create a new future, rather than on the approval or acceptance of her parents. People thrive, the memoir suggests, when their self-worth comes from within themselves, rather than from others.
When she is a child, Adeline’s self-esteem is constantly attacked by her parents and her siblings, leading her to have a very low opinion of herself. Since Adeline’s biological mother died due to complications from Adeline’s birth, the whole family—aside from Aunt Baba and Grandfather Ye Ye—considers her to be bad luck. Niang constantly tells Adeline that she has “bad blood” from her mother and will never amount to anything. These things are factually untrue, but Adeline comes to believe them anyway, showing how external judgment can impact the inner life of a young child. Although Adeline is constantly the top student in her classes and is often surrounded by good friends who truly care for her, she believes herself to be worthless. This is exemplified when, as a young teenager, Adeline and several friends are playing a game where they each compare what they think are their own best qualities against what their friends believe them to be. When it is Adeline’s turn to compare, she claims that she has no good qualities. Her friends are shocked, as they all believe her to be the most intelligent and most likely to succeed. This highlights the disconnect between Adeline’s beliefs about herself—which she has absorbed from her parents and siblings—and the reality of her true potential, which most other people recognize.
Adeline begins to rise above her childhood when Ye Ye helps her to realize that she does not have to see herself as the rest of her family sees her. Through this support, Adeline starts to recognize her own skills and abilities and realize that her self-worth can come from within. In a critical moment of her development, Adeline finally admits to Ye Ye all of the thoughts she has repressed for so long: that she will never succeed, that no one loves her, that she does not even love herself, that she has difficulty coping with the pain of her home life. This honest admission gives Ye Ye the opportunity to encourage Adeline to see herself for all her strengths, rather than whatever her parents or siblings may see. Ye Ye tells her, “You have your whole life ahead of you. Everything is possible! … But you can only vanquish your demons when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.” Adeline is further encouraged to see her own value when she realizes that her self-loathing and defeatism pains not only her, but Ye Ye as well, since her grandfather loves her most of all and wants to see her thrive. This realization taps into Adeline’s compassion for others and helps her see that her struggle to recognize her own self-worth impacts not just her, but the people who love her, as well.
Adeline truly comes of age when she finally believes that, with hard work and determination, she can shape her future to be whatever she wants it to be. This suggests that a critical aspect of coming of age, especially in light of an abusive past, is discovering that one has control over one’s own self and destiny. Adeline’s hard work pays off when she wins an international playwriting competition, prompting Father to finally recognize her potential and send her to study in England. This marks one of the first times in her life that Adeline has felt any sort of control over her future, and this development is critical in developing her confidence, self-reliance, and, in turn, her own worth in her mind. Sadly, this event does not mark any improvement in Father’s character—he is mainly proud of Adeline because she has brought him honor. Furthermore, though she desires to study literature and creative writing, he still exercises his control over her, dictating that she will become a doctor. Even so, Adeline’s hard work and talent has opened a door that was previously closed to her, giving her the chance to create a new life overseas. This marks a milestone in Adeline’s growth as a person and also in her journey to be free of her parents’ tyranny.
Although the story of Chinese Cinderella ends before Adeline has fully reached her adulthood, its narration’s end marks the beginning of Adeline’s new life in which she is no longer held down by the abuse of her parents, but rather paves her own path to the future. By finally recognizing the inherent value of her own intelligence and abilities—as opposed to believing the demeaning ideas about herself that she received from her parents—Adeline is able to make the first critical steps in leaving her childhood behind.
Related Themes from Other Texts
Coming of Age and Self-Worth ThemeTracker
Coming of Age and Self-Worth Quotes in Chinese Cinderella
“But then Mama died giving birth to you. If you had not been born, Mama would still be alive. She died because of you. You are bad luck.”
“I had a pair of perfectly normal feet when I was born, but they maimed me on purpose and gave me arthritis so I would be attractive.”
While I was basking in Third Brother’s praise, I suddenly felt a hard blow across the back of my head. I turned around to see Second Brother glowering at me.
“What did you do that for?” I asked angrily …
“Because I feel like it! That’s why, you ugly little squirt! This’ll teach you to show off your medal!”
“Is this medal for leading your class?” he asked.
I nodded eagerly, too excited to speak. A hush fell upon the table. This was the first time anyone could remember Father singling me out or saying anything to me…
“Continue studying hard and bring honor to our Yen family name so we can be proud of you.”
As we climbed the stairs, Big Brother muttered, “To her, we are not separate people. Here we have become one single unit known as all of you. Seems like this is how it’s going to be from now on.”
I was no longer the lonely little girl bullied by her siblings. Instead, I was the female warrior Mulan, who would rescue her aunt and Ye Ye from harm.
“Since it’s so hot tonight,” Father suggested, “why don’t we all cool off in the garden after dinner? It will also give us a a chance to test Jackie’s obedience.” He turned to Big Brother. “Go fetch one of those ducklings…We’ll have some fun tonight!”
Finally, I sat there with my eyes tightly shut, wishing with all my heart that when I opened them again, I would be Jackie and Jackie would be me.
“When you’ve reached my age, you know which children are weak and which are strong. Don’t ask her too many questions. Don’t criticize her or tear her down. I don’t want her to grow up like Big Sister. She is going to be different!”
Though my parents tell me I’m worthless I’ve proved them wrong! Of all the girls in my class, my classmates chose me to be their class president. I must forget about my home. In my other life—my real life—I’m not worthless. They respect me.
“It’s because we won the election today. I’m now class president. We worked hard at it—”
Niang interrupted me in the middle of my explanation. “Stop bragging!” she screamed. “Who do you think you are? … You are getting altogether too proud and conceited! No matter what you consider yourself to be, you are nothing without your father. Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!”
That was how [Aunt Reine’s] family treated me throughout the time I spent with them. They made me feel as if I were their third child. For the first time in my life, I did not automatically get the short end of the sick but was given an equal share, just like Victor and Claudine.
“It’s so unfair,” Victor continued. “Why doesn’t [Adeline] get to go anywhere with us?”
“That’s just the way it is!” Niang exclaimed sharply. “You either get in now and come with us, or you can stay home with her. Suit yourself!”
“In that case,” Victor replied gallantly, “I think I’ll stay and keep Adeline company.”
“Don’t talk like that! … You mustn’t talk like that! You have your whole life ahead of you. Everything is possible! I’ve tried to tell you over and over that far from being garbage, you are precious and special. Being on top of your class merely confirms this. But you can vanquish the demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth.”
Into her lips I injected my loneliness, isolation, and feeling of being unwanted. To my heroine I gave everything of myself.
Father looked radiant. For once, he was proud of me. In front of his revered colleague…I had given him face.
