Crazy Rich Asians presents two views of family: family as a means of emotional support and in which members are encouraged to have their own identities, and family essentially as a business. In Nick’s family, children are raised to carry on the family line, preserve the family’s wealth, and increase the family’s social standing. This means that individuality isn’t valued: Nick’s parents scoff at his job as a history professor, as it’s something that fulfills Nick without doing anything for the Young family image. This lack of support also translates to how the vast Young family interacts with one another: Rachel notes that when she joins Nick’s family and some friends for dinner, one of Eleanor’s friends is the first and only person to hug Nick. This creates the impression that Nick’s value in his family isn’t based on who he is, what he likes, or anything individual to him: his value stems from the expectation that he’ll soon marry an approved partner and carry on the family line.
Growing up as an immigrant in California with only her single mother for support, Rachel developed a close relationship with her mom, Kerry, that Nick suggests is more like a friendship than a familial relationship. This means that Rachel and Kerry are able to be honest with each other in a way that Nick’s family cannot: Kerry eventually shares the story of how she escaped an abusive marriage in China for the U.S., while Nick’s family sees such honesty as inappropriate. And Kerry celebrates Rachel for who she is—an economics professor—something Nick’s family seems totally incapable of doing. The novel ends without Rachel accepting or rejecting Nick’s marriage proposal, leaving it ambiguous whether it’s possible to unite such different family cultures. Nick’s persistent desire to marry Rachel even at the cost of his family cutting him off, however, suggests that Nick isn’t sold on valuing people based on what they can do for the family, indicating that it’s possible for Nick’s family culture to change and become more supportive in future generations.
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Family vs. Individuality Quotes in Crazy Rich Asians
She breathed in deeply. She regained her composure. The composure that had been ingrained since the day she was born. She would do the sensible thing. She knew that there was no point making a scene, demanding an explanation. Any sort of explanation that could cause even the tiniest scratch on their picture-perfect life.
“Don’t you know? It’s the wedding of the year! It’s been covered on every channel, in every magazine, and in about a million blogs!”
“Why? Are they famous?” Rachel asked, completely baffled.
“AH-LA-MAAAK! Colin Khoo is Khoo Teck Fong’s grandson! He comes from one of the reeee-chest families in the world! And Araminta Lee—she’s the supa-model daughter of Peter Lee, one of China’s reeee-chest men, and Annabel Lee, the hotel queen. This is like royal weddeeeng!” Neena gushed.
“I had no idea,” Rachel said in astonishment. “I just met them last night.”
“It’s a good thing I actually want to marry Araminta. I just don’t know how I’ll make it through the Broadway production, that’s all. I have this perverse fantasy of kidnapping her, jumping on a plane, and marrying her at some little twenty-four-hour chapel in the middle of nowhere Nevada.”
“So why not do it? The wedding isn’t until next week, but if you’re already this miserable, why not call it off?”
“You know this merger has been choreographed down to the most minute detail, and this is how it’s going to be. It’s good for business, and anything that’s good for business is good for the family,” Colin said bitterly.
“So my grandmother’s eldest daughter, Aunt Mabel T’sien, was married off to Nick’s grandmother’s younger brother Alfred Shang.”
“Married off? Does that mean it was an arranged marriage?”
“Yes, very much so, plotted by my grandfather T’sien Tsai Tay and Nick’s great-grandfather Shang Loong Ma. Good thing they actually liked each other. But it was quite a masterstroke, because it strategically bound together the T’siens, the Shangs, and the Youngs.”
“What for?” Rachel asked.
“Oh come on, Rachel, don’t play the naïf with me. For the money, of course. It joined together three family fortunes and kept everything neatly locked up.”
“Remember, every treasure comes with a price.”
“Isn’t it fun?” Eleanor said merrily. She looked at Rachel and said, “I was never allowed to set foot in the kitchen at my mother-in-law’s house. Now I get to eat in my own kitchen, and actually watch the food being cooked!” Rachel smiled in amusement—here was a woman who obviously had never cooked a meal in her life but seemed to relish the novelty of being inside a kitchen.
“Well, I love to cook. I can only dream of one day having a kitchen as beautiful as yours, Mrs. Young,” Rachel said.
Eleanor smiled graciously. I’m sure you can—with my son’s money.
She walked down the aisle on her father’s arm in a classically inspired wedding dress designed by Valentino, whom she lured out of retirement to make precisely the sort of gown that generations of European princesses had gotten married in, the sort of gown that would make her look every inch the proper young wife from a very traditional, old-money Asian family.
“Aiyah, she’s just a pretty girl that Nicky’s having fun with.” Su Yi laughed, as if the idea of him marrying Rachel was too ridiculous to even consider.
“That’s not the way it looks to me,” Alexandra warned.
“Nonsense. Nicky has no intentions with this girl—he told me so himself. And besides, he would never do anything without my permission. Alistair simply needs to obey your wishes,” Su Yi said with finality.
“You’re telling me one thing, but then I hear other people speaking as if the entire economy of Asia revolves around your family, and you’re, like, the heir to the throne. I’m an economist, for crying out loud, and if I’m going to be accused of being a gold digger, I’d like to know what I’m supposedly digging for,” Rachel said bluntly.
“Well, I heard that you ran off to Malaysia, and that you mean to ask the girl to marry you,” Su Yi said, not bothering to look at Rachel.
Rachel pursed her lips, shocked and thrilled at the same time.
“I was planning to surprise Rachel, but I guess that’s ruined now,” Nick huffed, staring at his mother.
“No matter, Nicky,” his grandmother smiled. “I do not give you permission to marry her. Now let’s stop all this nonsense and go home. I don’t want to be stuck having dinner here, when the cook hasn’t prepared properly for me. I’m sure she didn’t get any fresh fish today.”
“I want them to love their family, but to feel a deeper sense of pride in who they are as individuals, Nick, not in how much money they have, what their last name is, or how many generations they go back to whatever dynasty. I’m sorry, but I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of being around all these crazy rich Asians, all these people whose lives revolve around making money, spending money, flaunting money, comparing money, hiding money, controlling others with money, and ruining their lives over money. And if I marry you, there will be no escaping it, even if we live on the other side of the world.”
“I know my mother-in-law never truly approved of me, so I even got out of the way. I moved out of Tyersall Park so there wouldn’t be two competing Mrs. Youngs. I always let her come first in Nicky’s life, and because of this he’s been closer to her. But I accepted that. It was for his own good. He deserves to be the heir to her fortune, the heir to Tyersall Park, but he no longer seems to care. He would rather be a bloody English professor. Hiyah, I always knew sending him to England would be a mistake.”
