Dibs’s Father Quotes in Dibs in Search of Self
If I could get across to Dibs my confidence in him as a person who had good reasons for everything he did, and if I could convey the concept that there were no hidden answers for him to guess, no concealed standards of behavior or expression that were not openly stated, no pressure for him to read my mind and come up with a solution that I had already decided upon, no rush to do everything today—then, perhaps, Dibs would catch more and more of a feeling of security and of the rightness of his own reactions so he could clarify, understand, and accept them.
Her failure to relate to her child with love, respect and understanding was probably due to her own emotional deprivation. Who can love, respect, understand another person, if they have not had such basic experiences themselves? It seemed to me that it would be more helpful for her to have learned in this interview that she was respected and understood, even though that understanding was, of necessity, a more generalized concept which accepted the fact that she had reasons for what she did, that she had capacity to change, that changes must come from within herself, that all changes—hers, her husband’s, Dibs’—are motivated by many accumulative experiences.
“It was an accident,” I said.
“Stupid people make accidents!” He shouted. There were tears in his eyes. “The party is over. The children are all gone! There is no more party.” […] He kicked over a chair. He swept the cups from the shelf. “I didn’t want a party,” he shouted. “I didn’t want any other children around.”
“It makes you angry and unhappy when something like that happens,” I said.
Dibs came over to me. “Let’s go down to your office,” he said, “Let’s get out of here. I am not stupid.”
“No. You are not stupid.”
“I weep because I feel again the hurt of doors closed and locked against me,” he sobbed. I put my arm around him.
“You are feeling again the way you used to feel when you were so alone?’ I said.
Dibs glanced back at the doll house. He brushed away his tears and stood there breathing heavily. “The boy will save them,” he said.
“At first the playroom seemed so very, very big. And the toys were not friendly. And I was so afraid.”
“You were afraid in there, Dibs?”
“Yes.”
“Why were you afraid?”
“I don’t know. I was frightened at first because I didn’t know what you would do and I didn’t know what I would do. But you just said ‘This is all yours, Dibs. Have fun. Nobody is going to hurt you in here.’”
“I said that?”
“Yes,” Dibs said decisively. “That is what you said to me. And gradually I came to believe you. And it was that way. You said for me to go fight my enemies until they cried out and said they were sorry they hurt me.”
There are things far more important in this world than a show of authority and power, more important than revenge and punishment and hurt. As educators, you must unlock the door of ignorance and prejudice and meanness. Unless my friend is given your apologies for this hurt he has received to his pride and self-respect and is reinstated then I shall not return to this school this fall.
Dibs’s Father Quotes in Dibs in Search of Self
If I could get across to Dibs my confidence in him as a person who had good reasons for everything he did, and if I could convey the concept that there were no hidden answers for him to guess, no concealed standards of behavior or expression that were not openly stated, no pressure for him to read my mind and come up with a solution that I had already decided upon, no rush to do everything today—then, perhaps, Dibs would catch more and more of a feeling of security and of the rightness of his own reactions so he could clarify, understand, and accept them.
Her failure to relate to her child with love, respect and understanding was probably due to her own emotional deprivation. Who can love, respect, understand another person, if they have not had such basic experiences themselves? It seemed to me that it would be more helpful for her to have learned in this interview that she was respected and understood, even though that understanding was, of necessity, a more generalized concept which accepted the fact that she had reasons for what she did, that she had capacity to change, that changes must come from within herself, that all changes—hers, her husband’s, Dibs’—are motivated by many accumulative experiences.
“It was an accident,” I said.
“Stupid people make accidents!” He shouted. There were tears in his eyes. “The party is over. The children are all gone! There is no more party.” […] He kicked over a chair. He swept the cups from the shelf. “I didn’t want a party,” he shouted. “I didn’t want any other children around.”
“It makes you angry and unhappy when something like that happens,” I said.
Dibs came over to me. “Let’s go down to your office,” he said, “Let’s get out of here. I am not stupid.”
“No. You are not stupid.”
“I weep because I feel again the hurt of doors closed and locked against me,” he sobbed. I put my arm around him.
“You are feeling again the way you used to feel when you were so alone?’ I said.
Dibs glanced back at the doll house. He brushed away his tears and stood there breathing heavily. “The boy will save them,” he said.
“At first the playroom seemed so very, very big. And the toys were not friendly. And I was so afraid.”
“You were afraid in there, Dibs?”
“Yes.”
“Why were you afraid?”
“I don’t know. I was frightened at first because I didn’t know what you would do and I didn’t know what I would do. But you just said ‘This is all yours, Dibs. Have fun. Nobody is going to hurt you in here.’”
“I said that?”
“Yes,” Dibs said decisively. “That is what you said to me. And gradually I came to believe you. And it was that way. You said for me to go fight my enemies until they cried out and said they were sorry they hurt me.”
There are things far more important in this world than a show of authority and power, more important than revenge and punishment and hurt. As educators, you must unlock the door of ignorance and prejudice and meanness. Unless my friend is given your apologies for this hurt he has received to his pride and self-respect and is reinstated then I shall not return to this school this fall.
