First They Killed My Father: Chapter 11 Summary & Analysis

Pa and Ma worry that malnutrition has stunted Loung’s growth. The Khmer Rouge does not allow New Year’s celebrations, despite it being Cambodia’s biggest holiday. Loung reminisces about the multi-day feasts and can think about little else besides food. Many villagers have begun stealing corn to survive, and Loung regrets how she judged thieves as simply too lazy to work back when she was “rich and spoiled” in Phnom Penh. She dreams of feasts that she refuses to share even with her family, and wakes up feeling guilty.

Many have died from starvation and disease, and Loung eats things she would not have touched at home, from snakes and rats to insects. In Cambodian culture, people do not celebrate birthdays until the age of fifty. Before that time, everyone gets older on the New Year—meaning Loung is now six. As she gnaws on charcoal to ease her hunger, she recalls Pa’s stories of how children in other countries get birthday cakes.

As the months pass, the villagers begin to stink of death. People are often too weak to bury the dead, whose bodies rot in the sun and become full of maggots. Loung has grown numb to watching people dispose of bodies in communal graves. Her neighbor Chong’s husband was killed by the Khmer Rouge, and her two-year-old son then died of starvation. Now, desperate for food, her daughters Peu and Srei accidentally eat poisonous mushrooms they find in the woods and die in pain in front of a horrified Chong. Loung thinks about how the chief said the Angkar would take care of them. She worries about the frail-looking Geak, who has lost most of her hair from starvation. Chong goes “crazy,” speaking to her children as if they are still alive and handing Ma a bowl of earthworms to eat.

Ma sewed jewelry into the straps of their bags to hide it from the soldiers in Uncle Leang’s village, and plans to use this to trade—even though bartering is considered treason. Meanwhile Kim says more people are talking about Pol Pot as the leader of the Angkar, though his identity remains mysterious. People say he is a fat, brilliant soldier with “kind eyes”; Loung wonders if those eyes can see them starving. Chong becomes known as the village “crazy lady” and eventually dies from poisonous food like her daughters.

Pa remains friendly with the chief and gets extra rice in exchange for Ma’s jewelry. This rice keeps the family from starving to death, though they must keep it hidden. Loung steals from the rice container one evening. Despite sensing that Pa knows her guilt and feeling deeply ashamed, she cannot bring herself to admit it.

Loung begins to close herself off from her family, and constantly fights with Chou. When the weaker Chou finally pushes back, Loung charges at her. Ma throws a coconut shell at Loung to stop her; it hits her head and makes her bleed. Ma immediately grows worried and begins to cry. Loung has never seen Pa angry, but now he scolds Ma, saying she could have blinded Loung, and that a blind child could never survive in the village. Later Ma apologizes for hurting Loung, asking why she must always start fights with everyone. An angry Loung ignores her, silently wishing her dead. She hates herself for being “bad” and the family troublemaker.

Chou grabs Loung’s hand when they leave for work in the communal garden, and Loung knows she has already forgiven her. That night Loung’s anger towards Ma turns to despair as she remembers how beautiful and joyous she was in Phnom Penh, lamenting that no one would even recognize her now. Born in China, Ma never did hard labor growing up. She must work to hide her accent because the Angkar is “obsessed with ethnic cleansing.” Loung rubs dirt and charcoal onto her own skin to make it appear darker and better fit in with the base people.