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Funny in Farsi

Note: all page numbers and citation info for the quotes below refer to the Randmom House edition of Funny in Farsi published in 2004.
Chapter 1 Quotes

To him, America was a place where anyone, no matter how humble his background, could become an important person. It was a kind and orderly nation full of clean bathrooms, a land where traffic laws were obeyed and where whales jumped through hoops. It was the Promised Land. For me, it was where I could buy more outfits for Barbie.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem
Page Number: 3-4
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The problem was that my mother, like most women of her generation, had been only briefly educated. In her era, a girl's sole purpose in life was to find a husband. Having an education ranked far below more desirable attributes such as the ability to serve tea or prepare baklava.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Nazireh
Page Number: 5
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Chapter 3 Quotes

He and his siblings survived through teamwork, and now, even though they are well into their seventies and have many kids and grandkids, they remain the central players in one another's lives. They have supported one another through deaths and illnesses and rejoiced in one another's good fortune.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem
Page Number: 13
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Chapter 4 Quotes

Because we were new to this country we were impressed not just by the big attractions but also by the little things—smiling employees, clean bathrooms, and clear signage. Our ability to be impressed by the large selection of key chains at the souvenir shops guaranteed that every place we saw delighted us.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 17
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I had no idea where the screamer was from, but I knew he wasn't Iranian. A gerbil would never mistake a hamster for a gerbil, and I would never mistake a non-Iranian for an Iranian. Despite the belief of most Westerners that all Middle Easterners look alike, we can pick each other out of a crowd as easily as my Japanese friends pick out their own from a crowd of Asians.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 21
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Chapter 6 Quotes

When my parents and I get together today, we often talk about our first year in America. Even though thirty years have passed, our memories have not faded. We remember the kindness more than ever, knowing that our relatives who immigrated to this country after the Iranian Revolution did not encounter the same America. They saw Americans who had bumper stickers on their cars that read "Iranians: Go Home" or "We Play Cowboys and Iranians." The Americans they met rarely invited them to their houses. These Americans felt that they knew all about Iran and its people, and they had no questions, just opinions. My relatives did not think Americans were very kind.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem , Nazireh
Page Number: 36
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Chapter 7 Quotes

Have you noticed how all the recent serial killers have been Americans? I won't hold it against you.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 40
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Chapter 9 Quotes

Everywhere I went, I saw the same carved coconuts, the same seashell frames, and the same hats, all made in the Philippines. I tried to hang loose, but Waikiki felt more like 7-Eleven-by-the-Sea.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 54
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Chapter 11 Quotes

After three months of rejections, I added “Julie” to my résumé. Call it coincidence, but the job offers started coming in. Perhaps it's the same kind of coincidence that keeps African Americans from getting cabs in New York.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 65
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Chapter 12 Quotes

When I was eight years old, we went to Switzerland to visit my aunt Parvine, my mother's sister. Aunt Parvine has always been considered something of a deity in our family because she managed, despite being an Iranian woman of her generation, to become a doctor and to set up a successful practice in Geneva. The woman overcame so many hurdles to reach her dream that she deserves to have her likeness carved in marble.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Aunt Parvine
Page Number: 71
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Chapter 13 Quotes

During our Thanksgiving meal, my father gives thanks for living in a free country where he can vote. I always share gratitude for being able to pursue my hopes and dreams, despite being female. My relatives and I are proud to be Iranian, but we also give tremendous thanks for our lives in America, a nation where freedom reigns.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem
Related Symbols: Thanksgiving
Page Number: 71
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Chapter 14 Quotes

It’s not what we eat or don't eat that makes us good people; it's how we treat one another. As you grow older, you'll find that people of every religion think they're the best, but that's not true. There are good and bad people in every religion. Just because someone is Muslim, Jewish, or Christian doesn't mean a thing.

Related Characters: Kazem (speaker)
Page Number: 87
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Chapter 15 Quotes

I know about your famous carpets and your beautiful cats.

Related Characters: Albert Einstein (speaker)
Page Number: 94
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He also had a new dream, in which the treasure was no longer buried. He dreamed that someday, he would return to America with his own children. And they, the children of an engineer from Abadan, would have access to the same educational opportunities as anybody else, even the sons of senators and the rich.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem
Page Number: 95
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Chapter 16 Quotes

Times being what they were, Sedigeh was not allowed to pursue her education past sixth grade and was married shortly thereafter. All her brothers became engineers and doctors. My father found this a huge injustice. He always told me that if his sister had been able to pursue her education, she would have become the best doctor of them all, for not only was she smart, she was resourceful as well.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem , Aunt Sedigeh
Page Number: 100
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Without my relatives, I am but a thread; together, we form a colorful and elaborate Persian carpet.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 103
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Chapter 19 Quotes

Nobody asked our opinion of whether the hostages should be taken, and yet every single Iranian in America was paying the price. One kid throws a spitball and the whole class gets detention. For my father to be treated like a second-class citizen truly stung. If there were ever a poster child for immigration, it would be Kazem.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem
Page Number: 118
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Chapter 20 Quotes

As college approached, I stumbled upon a talent better than selling popcorn or polishing silver. I started writing scholarship essays. I wrote essay after essay about my life and my dreams and my goals.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 129
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Chapter 21 Quotes

Apparently, some people thought that my Parisian accent was too authentic for a foreigner. Perhaps taking their cue from Detective Clouseau, a couple of the judges decided to do a little investigative work.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 132
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Chapter 22 Quotes

Once my mother realized that I wanted to marry François, she said, "He will be like a third son to me," and wiped the tears off her face. At that very moment, my mother threw aside everything she and her generation knew about marriage and entered a new world where daughters select their own husbands. She became a pioneer.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Nazireh (speaker), François Dumas
Page Number: 144
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I could only hope that my wedding would work a bit of magic for this uninvited guest. I like to think that she eventually found a husband, a tall Iranian doctor maybe, or perhaps a short Mexican businessman with a big heart, or a medium-built Irish Catholic book vendor whose family thinks she's the best thing that ever happened to their son.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Page Number: 153
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Chapter 24 Quotes

I remembered how much I admired Jane Fonda's nose when I was in fourth grade in Tehran, and how much I hated my own. Thinking of all that wasted energy, I wanted to scream and tell my fellow countrymen and countrywomen that a nose by any other name is just a nose.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker)
Related Symbols: Noses
Page Number: 165-166
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Chapter 25 Quotes

The girl we had selected was undoubtedly the underdog. She was quite overweight, she was the least physically attractive, and she had the smallest cheering section. She was, however, the most articulate.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), François Dumas
Page Number: 178
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Chapter 26 Quotes

My husband has since taken the situation into his own hands, hiding all our screwdrivers and hammers before my parents visit.

Related Characters: Firoozeh Dumas (speaker), Kazem , Nazireh , François Dumas
Page Number: 184
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I’m a rich man in America, too. I just don't have a lot of money.

Related Characters: Kazem (speaker)
Page Number: 187
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