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In the Beginning
Themes
and Colors
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Good Omens, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Good and Evil
Human Nature
Destiny vs. Free Will
Humor and Absurdity
Friendship
Summary
Analysis
While people have tried to figure out the exact date that the Universe was created, all have failed. The Earth was created on Sunday, October 21, 4004 B.C.E., around 9:00 a.m., and the dinosaur skeletons are a joke. This proves that God is mysterious and is playing “an ineffable game of His own devising” that’s comparable to playing poker in a dark room, with blank cards and a dealer who won’t share the rules. The Earth is also a Libra. In the astrology section of the Tadfield Advertiser, on the day that this story begins, the prediction reads that Libras are feeling run down, and that home and family are important and in trouble. Libras should avoid risks, keep their friends close, wait to make decisions, and expect help from unexpected sources. All of this is correct.
Within the world of the novel, it’s impossible to understand what God might have planned for humankind—but at times, as in the astrology section of the Tadfield Advertiser, people can come pretty close to figuring it out. Notably, though, the prediction for Libras on this day is extremely vague. Anyone who reads this prediction could find some kernel of truth in it—suggesting that destiny is, in many ways, all about what people make of it.
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On night that isn’t dark or stormy, two demons lurk in a graveyard, waiting for someone who’s late. That someone is Crowley, the mastermind behind the M25 motorway (which is shaped like an evil sigil and pollutes the world with evil). Crowley is currently driving 110 miles per hour in his 1926 Bentley, which he’s owned since he got it new. He’s listening to a Best of Queen tape, but this doesn’t say much about him—all tapes that spend more than two weeks in a car morph into Best of Queen.
Readers can infer that Crowley, the creature that the two demons are waiting for, is also a demon, given that he created a motorway that apparently emanates evil. The name Crowley is also quite similar to Crawly, the demon from the previous chapter, which hints that Crowley is the new name that Crawly chose for himself. Whereas his old name was clearly associated with serpents (biblical symbols of evil and sin) who crawl and slither, his new one sounds more like a name that a human being would have. This choice perhaps implies that Crowley wants to distance himself from his fated role as a demon and is instead trying to blend into human society and enjoy what Earth has to offer. This is further evidenced by Crowley’s Bentley and cassette tape—these are rather humorous and absurd possessions for a demon to have, but they nevertheless suggest that Crowley loves his earthly comforts.
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Crowley looks like an attractive man wearing snakeskin shoes—but he’s able to do strange things with his tongue, doesn’t blink much, and tends to hiss when he’s flustered. He’s late because he’s enjoying the 20th century, which is much more interesting than previous centuries. Crowley is also currently being pursued by the police, but he’s able to stop the police car with a complicated hand gesture.
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The two demons in the graveyard, Hastur and Ligur, see lights coming. Hastur tries to explain to Ligur what a car is (Ligur hasn’t been on Earth in a long time) and sneers that Crowley has “gone native.” Crowley gets out of his Bentley and cheerfully greets the other demons, but Hastur cuts Crowley off and says that they must recount the Deeds of the Day: Hastur tempted a priest, while Ligur corrupted a politician. With a huge smile, Crowley shares that he tied up every portable phone system in Central London for 45 minutes. Ligur and Hastur aren’t impressed. Crowley doesn’t know how to tell them that by making everyone angry, he tarnished thousands of souls. But Ligur and Hastur are antiquated: they prefer to pick souls off one at a time, even though times are changing.
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Hastur reaches behind a tombstone for a basket, which contains the demons’ reason for meeting. Crowley stares at whatever is in the basket and says no, but Hastur insists that it’s time for Crowley to play his starring role in the end of the world. He gives Crowley a clipboard and asks him to sign with his real name. Crowley takes the basket, looking morose, and drives away. Once he’s far away from the graveyard, he rams a tape of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons into the Bentley’s tape player and mutters, “Why me?” The tape plays Queen instead of Vivaldi: the voice of Freddie Mercury says that Crowley has earned it, and that he’s going to receive his instructions. Sure enough, “Below” drops the instructions right into Crowley’s brain, telling him to drive to a certain hospital, and Crowley promises to be there in five minutes.
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Crowley hits the steering wheel. Everything was going so well—but now, Armageddon is upon him. Once it arrives, there will be only endless Heaven or endless Hell, depending on which side wins. Crowley can’t decide which outcome would be worse, since it’s impossible to get a good drink in either place. But he can’t get out of this mission, since demons don’t have free will. Meanwhile, the newborn thing in the basket starts to wail.
Mr. Young thinks that the hospital is nice—except for the nuns. He normally likes nuns, but the Chattering Order of St. Beryl talk constantly. On the plus side, they overrode Mr. Young’s wife, Deirdre, and refused to let Mr. Young in the room for the birth. Presently, he leaves the waiting room to go smoke on the porch. As he lights up, a large black car skids up, and a young man leaps out with a baby carrier. The man asks if it’s started and how long they have. Mr. Young assumes that this man is a doctor, and he’s proud to be recognized as a parent. He shares that Deidre is in room three, and the man races away.
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A mix-up is going to take place. In Delivery Room Three is Deirdre Young, who will have a blond baby boy (Baby A). The American Cultural Attaché’s wife, Harriet Dowling, is in Delivery Room Four, also having a blond baby boy (Baby B). In the hallway, the scatterbrained Sister Mary Loquacious—a lifelong Satanist—accepts the Antichrist, a blond baby boy, from Crowley. She marvels that he’s awfully cute and normal looking for being the Antichrist. At Crowley’s suggestion, Sister Mary heads for the delivery rooms and settles the baby in a bassinet. Then, an older nun appears and tells Sister Mary to head for Room Four. She assures Sister Mary that the exchange will happen in due course, but they need to distract the father.
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Sister Mary wheels the Antichrist into Mrs. Young’s room. Mrs. Young is fast asleep, and Baby A has been tagged. Sister Mary copies out a duplicate nametag and attaches it to the Antichrist. Having completed her job, she thinks about the members of the convent; most of them are old-fashioned Satanists and aren’t all that evil. The narrator notes that when it comes to human affairs, most triumphs and tragedies happen not because people are fundamentally good or bad—it’s because people are “fundamentally people.”
When someone knocks on the door, Sister Mary opens it: it’s Mr. Young. Thinking that Mr. Young the American Cultural Attaché, Sister Mary is surprised—she expected him to be more handsome, but she swallows her disappointment and congratulates Mr. Young. She points to the baby Antichrist and tells Mr. Young that this is his baby. Then, she notes that he doesn’t have much of an accent and asks if he’s been here long. Mr. Young says that he’s been here for about 10 years, since his job moved. He appreciates that Sister Mary seems interested in his accounting job, though he finds the thread of the conversation hard to follow. Finally, he asks if he could get a cup of tea. Sister Mary confirms that he doesn’t want coffee instead of tea and then bustles away.
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Mr. Young falls into a chair and decides that Sister Mary is so odd because she’s a nun. Sister Mary arrives with tea and biscuits and slowly explains that English people call refer to cookies as biscuits. Just then, a nun rushes in. Seeing Mr. Young, she points to Baby A and winks. When Sister Mary winks back, the nun wheels the baby out. Though Sister Mary interprets the wink as praise for switching the babies, the nun’s wink was actually asking where the Antichrist is—it’s time to switch him with Baby B. The nun may have noticed Sister Mary’s mistake had she not been so rattled by the Secret Service agents in Mrs. Dowling’s room.
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Meanwhile, eight-and-a-half-year-old Anathema Device reads from The Book. It’s not a children’s book, and it has few pictures in it, aside from a woodcut of Agnes Nutter being burned at the stake. But Anathema likes to read about herself, so the first sentence she ever read out loud was about several groups of people who “shal ryd in flames” that no angel or demon can stop—and The Book says that Anathema will be there too. This book also includes stories about Anathema’s parents and grandparents, but nothing about Anathema’s future children—or her future further out than 11 years. If one believes The Book, though, the next 11 years is a lifetime.
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At the hospital, the nuns swap Baby A and Baby B. The Cultural Attaché isn’t here in person, but he was on the phone with Mrs. Dowling through the birth. He’s thrilled, and he got the Secret Service to tape the birth.
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Driving away from the hospital in his Bentley, Crowley thinks that he’ll have to start enjoying the world’s pleasures now, while there’s still time. In general, Crowley supports Armageddon, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t happen so soon. He likes people too much, which is a big problem for a demon. He works to make their lives miserable, but what he comes up with is nothing compared to what people come up with themselves. In the last thousand years, he’s considered sending a message Below telling them that they should give up, since people are nasty—and, unlike demons, people have imagination. Crowley was commended for the Spanish Inquisition, but he wasn’t actually responsible for it, and he was disturbed when he went to check it out.
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At the same time, people can sometimes be exceedingly kind. Once, Aziraphale tried to explain this it to Crowley: he proposed that humans are good or bad because they want to be, unlike angels or demons, who are set in their ways. When Crowley insisted that that would only work if people start off equal, Aziraphale insisted that the lower a person starts, the more opportunities they have—it’s “ineffable.” Aziraphale is technically Crowley’s enemy, but since they’ve been enemies for 6,000 years, they’re sort of friends. Presently, Crowley picks up his car phone. He might not have free will, but he’s learned some things from humans.
Back at the hospital, Mr. Young doesn’t like any of Sister Mary’s suggested names for the baby, like Damien or Wormwood. Mr. Young says that he prefers traditional English or Biblical names, so Sister Mary suggests Adam. Meanwhile, the narrator suggests that the reader come up with their own story of what happens to Baby B, as their version will be better.
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Meanwhile, in a small house in Surrey, 12-year-old Newton Pulsifer is working on changing a plug in an ancient radio. When Newton plugs in his radio, every light in the house goes out; this is better than last time, when he blacked out the whole town. Newton desperately wants to work with computers, which he thinks are the future. The future, though, has its own ideas, as laid out in The Book. At the same time, back in the hospital, Mr. Young decides to name the Antichrist Adam. Two days later, Ligur causes a bolt of lightning to strike the roof of the Convent of the Chattering Order and then heads home.
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Under other circumstances, Crowley and Aziraphale wouldn’t have become friends. But like so many other agents who work far away from their bosses, they’ve realized that they have more in common with each other than with their superiors. Their Arrangement consists of not meddling in the other’s activities, so that neither side really wins or loses. Now, they stand by the duck pond in St. James’ Park, a popular place for secret agents to meet. Crowley watches a traffic warden put a clamp on the back wheel of his Bentley as Aziraphale remarks that having the Antichrist be born to American parents seems very showy.
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Aziraphale says that his side will win Armageddon, but Crowley counters that Aziraphale doesn’t really want that—only two musicians have ever gone to Heaven. Aziraphale groans as Crowley notes that a win for Heaven would mean no more CDs, just celestial harmonies. For that matter, there won’t be any salt, restaurants, crossword puzzles, or bookshops. Aziraphale cries that life will be better after Heaven wins, but Crowley insists it won’t be as interesting. Aziraphale notes that his people are happy for Armageddon to happen, but Crowley says that it doesn’t have to happen. The seas don’t have to turn to blood; Crowley likes them as they are. And for that matter, God doesn’t have to “test everything to destruction.”
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Aziraphale shivers from the cold and suggests that they go somewhere warm, so he and Crowley begin walking toward Crowley’s Bentley. Aziraphale admits that he agrees with Crowley, but he can’t disobey. Crowley says that he can’t either—his people only support disobedience when other people do it. As they slide into the Bentley, Aziraphale says that they probably have until the end of the century. Most prophets didn’t get into specifics about Armageddon, but phenomena like showers of fish or geese flying backwards are to be expected. Crowley snaps his fingers, and the wheel clamps fall off his car. He suggests that they have lunch at the Ritz—and just then, Aziraphale causes the traffic warden’s notebook to burst into flames. Aziraphale blushes—he thought that Crowley’s people invented traffic wardens.
Aziraphale is a book collector: he poses as a secondhand bookseller, using his bookshop to store his collection and making the store as uncomfortable as possible to prevent customers from buying anything. He specializes in books of predictions and the Infamous Bibles, which are named for their typesetting errors. One, known as the Buggre Alle This Bible, includes both a rant about the typesetter’s working conditions and three extra verses in Genesis. In this edition, after the angel drives Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden, the Lord asks the angel where his flaming sword went. The Angel insists that he can’t find it, and God doesn’t ask anything more about it.
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The Buggre Alle This Bible was the publisher’s first great publishing disaster; their third was their decision to publish Agnes Nutter’s book of prophecies in 1655. It should’ve been a success, since everyone wanted prophetic works at the time, but it didn’t sell. It’s the only book of prophecies that’s entirely correct, and Agnes only published it to get her free author’s copy. Aziraphale doesn’t have a copy of Agnes’s book, though he’d love one. There’s only one copy left in the world—and it’s about 40 miles from where Crowley and Aziraphale are eating lunch. Metaphorically speaking, the book has started to “tick.”
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After lunch, Aziraphale and Crowley drink together in the back room of Aziraphale’s Soho bookshop. Crowley drunkenly slurs that all the dolphins and whales will turn into seafood gumbo when the sea boils, and everything on land will die too. Aziraphale points out that Crowley is part of all this, since he tempts people, but Crowley insists that that’s different—that’s “ineffable.” It’s important to test people, but not to the point of destruction. Aziraphale insists that he can’t disobey, but Crowley points out that there are no theaters and few films in Heaven.
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Desperately, and with many drunken interruptions from Aziraphale, Crowley asks if Aziraphale knows what eternity is. He asks him to imagine a tall mountain at the end of the universe. Once every thousand years, a little bird has to fly to the mountain to sharpen its beak and then fly back. By the time the bird has worn the mountain down to nothing, Aziraphale still won’t be done watching The Sound of Music—and he won’t have any choice but to enjoy it. Aziraphale looks pained. Crowley points out that Heaven has no taste and no sushi restaurants. Both men decide to sober up—using their powers, they each make the alcohol leave their bloodstreams instantaneously.
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Now sober, Aziraphale says that he can’t interfere with divine plans. Crowley suggests that since his side is responsible for Armageddon, Armageddon is a diabolical plan—and Aziraphale should try to thwart it. Crowley says that it’s the Antichrist’s upbringing and influences that are important. Aziraphale asks what will happen if the child doesn’t have a Satanic upbringing, and Crowley suggests that it won’t matter. When Aziraphale tries to argue that genetics matter, Crowley says that they don’t—Satan, after all, started out as an angel. The child isn’t evil: he’s just potentially evil, or potentially good. With a shrug, Crowley says that they shouldn’t be talking about good and evil like this—they’re just names for sides. Aziraphale and Crowley decide that they’ll be the child’s godfathers and oversee his upbringing.
Meanwhile, a young woman with auburn hair named Scarlett is has been selling arms for the last 400 years. She’s currently driving a truck of weapons to a West African civil war, but the truck has broken down in the capital village of Kumbolaland, a small and peaceful country. When Scarlett can’t find anyone to fix it, decides to take a vacation. Three days later, the city is a no-go area, and by the following week, the country is in disarray. Scarlett decides to become a journalist—she loves that people fight over and around her.
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A man named Sable is having drinks with his accountant on the top of 666 Fifth Avenue in New York. They’ve just come from an exclusive restaurant that served a tiny meal of one bean, one pea, and a sliver of chicken. Sable had invented this type of cuisine the last time he was in Paris. A thin woman comes up and asks Sable to autograph her copy of his book, Foodless Dieting: Slim Yourself Beautiful. He writes a verse from Revelation in it and knows that the woman will die in a few months. Sable thinks of the exclusive restaurant and grins—he’s never seen rich people so hungry. He’s killing time until “the main event”—and sometimes he kills people, too.
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Another man known as White tends to escape people’s notice. Unlike his colleagues, who can hold down jobs for a while, he bounces from job to job and has worked places like the Chernobyl Power Station and at Windscale, never doing anything too important. He helped design the gas engine and plastics; now, he works on an oil tanker. Someone somehow presses the EMERGENCY CARGO RELEASE button, releasing crude oil into the sea. The final person is everywhere, doing what he does best and doing “what he was.” He’s working, not just waiting.
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Meanwhile, Harriet Dowling returns home with her baby, whom she and the Cultural Attaché named Warlock, and the Cultural Attaché advertises for a nanny. Crowley orchestrates a London tube (subway) strike so that on the day of interviews, only one nanny (and her gray dog) shows up. Nanny Ashtoreth aces her interview, and on the same afternoon that Nanny Ashtoreth arrives, a gardener named Mr. Francis also starts work for the Dowlings. He’s able to just sit outside as the garden effortlessly blooms around him. When Warlock is a toddler, he often visits Mr. Francis, who tells Warlock to appreciate all living things. At night, Nanny Ashtoreth sings Warlock Satanic nursery rhymes. This setup, “the Arrangement,” works perfectly—Aziraphale and Crowley meet often to compare notes.
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Nanny Ashtoreth and Mr. Francis leave when Warlock is six. Two tutors take over next: one who teaches Warlock about Atilla the Hun and the Darkness of the Human Spirit, and one who teaches about Florence Nightingale and the golden rule. They both read to Warlock from the Book of Revelation. Despite their best efforts, the tutors are displeased with him: he’s good at math and enjoys baseball, comics, and his BMX bike. Crowley is troubled by all of this, and so at one of his meetings with Aziraphale, he notes that Warlock seems too normal. He’s not the “powerhouse of raw force” that he should be, and it’s not just because of Aziraphale’s influence.
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Aziraphale isn’t concerned, but he raises an eyebrow when Crowley sighs that Warlock will hopefully know how to act when the hell-hound arrives on his 11th birthday. Hell is sending him the biggest one they have, and it’s essential that Warlock names the dog himself. The name will give the dog its purpose, and it should get a name like Killer or Terror. Crowley says that he’s going to be there to watch, and that hopefully Warlock will be afraid of the hell-hound. If Warlock does name the dog something evil-sounding, it’ll usher in Armageddon. Aziraphale says that he’ll be there to watch the naming too.
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