Good Omens

Newcomers are always interesting to Adam’s gang, which is known around town as the Them. But Pepper has impressive news about the most recent newcomer: she’s a witch, she gets a witch’s newspaper in addition to other papers, and she moved into Jasmine Cottage. Wensleydale, the most mature member of the gang, insists that there’s no such thing as witches, while Brian doesn’t see why witches shouldn’t have their own paper. Pepper tells him to shut up. If anyone else had said this, it would’ve incited a scuffle, but Pepper has always been a vicious fighter—and the 11-year-old boys are starting to feel weird about fighting girls.

Pepper became a fighter to prevent people from mocking her full first name, Pippin Galadriel Moonchild. The only people who call her this are her mother and the rival gang, Greasy Johnson and the Johnsonites—but only when they’re out of earshot. Greasy Johnson is the same age as Adam (within a few hours, in fact), and his parents have never told him that he’s adopted.

Adam sits and listens to the others argue, waiting for something to latch onto. Brian insists that his Sunday paper said there are thousands of witches in England who worship Nature, eat health food, and dance naked on Stonehenge. Wensleydale maintains that his aunt isn’t a witch, even if she does try to talk to her dead husband—but Brian says that God sends people to hell for that. Adam shifts and notes that witches aren’t so bad, which prompts Pepper and Brian to detail all the bad things that witches do. Wensleydale insists witches don’t exist, since science has been invented, and vicars burned all the witches during the Spanish Inquisition. Brian says that they should find out if the newcomer is a witch and then turn her over to the vicar. Adam suggests they mount their own Spanish Inquisition instead.

The Spanish Inquisition convenes after lunch. Adam is the Chief Inquisitor, while Pepper will be the Head Torturer. Brian and Wensleydale are guards because they don’t speak any Spanish. They decide to fetch the first practice witch, Pepper’s little sister. Pepper’s little sister admits right off she’s a witch, even though she’s supposed to deny it until Pepper tortures her. The witch thoroughly enjoys the torture, a makeshift medieval ducking stool. It’s a hot day, so Adam lets the witch off with a warning so that someone else can have a turn.

Later that afternoon, Mr. Young bans Adam from watching TV as punishment for destroying Pepper’s little sister’s dress in the pond. Now, Adam slouches down the dusty lane with Dog slouching along dutifully. As Adam grumbles about his punishment, Dog thinks that he didn’t expect the last days before Armageddon to be like this—but he’s enjoying them anyway. He’s been taken over by “intrinsic small-dogness” and so has enjoyed chasing rats and cats. Suddenly, Adam realizes that he’s walking past Jasmine Cottage and that someone is crying. He hesitates and then peers over the hedge at Anathema, who’s young and without warts—so she’s clearly not a witch.

To Anathema, Adam looks like a Greek god or a Biblical illustration, aside from the grubby sneakers. Adam introduces himself and is thrilled that Anathema has heard of him—she’s heard to avoid him and the Them. Adam asks why she’s crying, and when Anathema says that she lost a book, Adam offers to help look for it and says that Anathema can read the eight-page book he wrote, which will cheer her up. He decides that he adores Anathema when she compliments his book but refuses his help. She explains that two men kind of stole the book. Privately, she can’t shake the feeling that Adam is odd.

Anathema explains to Adam that the book is called The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. Back when the book was written, “nice” meant “precise.” She thinks of how beautiful Tadfield is—it’s depressing that this is where Armageddon is going to happen, according to Agnes. Fortunately, Anathema still has the file cards. She explains to a disappointed Adam that the book doesn’t have any spaceships or robots in it, and then she offers him lemonade. Before Adam accepts, he asks if Anathema is a witch. She says that she’s an occultist, and Adam insists that he knows what that means. With the matter settled, Adam tells Dog to follow him inside. Dog refuses, but Adam forces him in. With this, “a little more of Hell burn[s] away.” Meanwhile, in London, Aziraphale continues to flip through The Book.

In Jasmine Cottage, Anathema tells Adam what the devices on her table are. Adam is enthralled. His family isn’t spiritual at all, so Adam laps up everything Anathema has to say about ley-lines, whales, bikes, rainforests, and recycled paper. He only interrupts once, when she shares her view that nuclear power plants should be done away with, to say that the nuclear power station he visited was boring. Meanwhile, Anathema finally realizes what’s wrong with Adam: he has no aura. This is perplexing, given how happy he seems. She eventually sends him home with copies of New Aquarian Digest. It changes Adam’s life—and many other things in the world. He stays up past midnight, reading, eating lemon drops, and wondering how to make Anathema happy.

At 3:00 a.m., in the control room of Turning Point power station, alarms go off. The chief engineer looks at his dials and controls, which say that megawatts are leaving the station despite there being nothing to produce them. After three hours, the engineer has permission to open up the nuclear reactor. It’s empty, save for a lemon drop.