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Eleven Years Ago
Themes
and Colors
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Good Omens, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Good and Evil
Human Nature
Destiny vs. Free Will
Humor and Absurdity
Friendship
Summary
Analysis
Warlock’s 11th birthday party in Central London is well-attended. In addition to the 47 young guests, there are Secret Service men and a crew of caterers led by a vintage Bentley. Aziraphale shows up as a magician—he learned sleight of hand in the 1870s and spent a year practicing. As he stands in front of the disdainful children and begins to perform, he wishes that he’d kept practicing. Warlock is unimpressed: he and a girl rudely insult Aziraphale, convincing Aziraphale that Warlock is “infernally tainted.” Aziraphale shoots desperate glances at Crowley, who’s dressed as a waiter. Crowley, meanwhile, looks toward the mountain of presents: he sees a gerbil, but no sign of a hell-hound, which should arrive any minute.
Aziraphale doesn’t seem to realize that other children, like the little girl in this passage, are just as rude and dismissive as Warlock is. In other words, it’s possible that children, not just the supposed Antichrist, are “infernally tainted”—that is, that they have elements of evil in them. Meanwhile, the fact that Aziraphale dedicated a year of his life to learning real sleight of hand is humorous, given that he’s an angel with supernatural powers (for instance, the ability to remove alcohol from his blood in the previous chapter). But since he’s been assigned to live and work on Earth, he wants to learn skills through honest, hard work, the way human beings do—and as an immortal, he has the time to do so. Aziraphale, like Crowley, seems to find human pastimes endearing and enjoyable.
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As Aziraphale continues his routine, he grows even more flustered when he realizes that this isn’t the Victorian era—so no one in the audience will have a handkerchief for him to borrow. He desperately asks a security guard to check his breast pocket for a handkerchief. The guard grudgingly reaches in and pulls out a silk handkerchief with lace edging—which catches on the guard’s gun, sending it flying. The children clap as Warlock runs for the gun and gleefully points it at people. He pulls the trigger when someone throws a dessert at him—but only water comes out. Aziraphale dodges flying cakes, turns the rest of the guards’ guns into water guns, and walks out of the party.
Even though he’d probably insist that turning a bunch of guns into water guns isn’t exactly what he’s supposed to be doing, Aziraphale demonstrates here that he can still snap under certain circumstances. In other words, Aziraphale might not be as unshakably good as he might like people to think. He still does what might be considered the right thing by making sure that no one is going to get hurt, but turning the guns into water guns will no doubt raise questions.
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Crowley follows Aziraphale out to the street and helps him extricate a dead dove from his sleeve. He blows life into the dove and then turns on the Bentley’s radio to check the status of the hell-hound. A demon’s voice comes through the radio and says that the hell-hound left 10 minutes ago. When the demon asks if there’s a problem, Crowley replies that he can see the dog now, and that it looks great. Crowley then turns off the radio and meets Aziraphale’s eyes. He tells Aziraphale to get in the car so they can figure out where they went wrong.
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Far from Central London, in Tadfield, a terrifying black dog appears in the road. It growls, slavers, and listens until it hears its master’s voice. The dog follows the voice to a stand of straggly trees, where it can hear young voices—one of them its master’s—discussing whether or not one boy will receive a dog for his birthday. The hound peers through the scraggly greenery and sees four children sitting on milk crates.
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The children’s conversation meanders and returns to the subject of whether the hound’s master is going to get a dog for his birthday. One girl says with authority that he won’t. As evidence, she notes that she wanted a seven-gear bike with purple paint for her birthday—and instead, she got a girl’s bike. It’s sexism, she insists, to give people “girly presents” just because they’re girls. The hound’s master insists that he’s going to get a dog—it will be small, intelligent, and well-bred. Outside the chalk quarry, there’s a clap of thunder as the hound becomes a small dog.
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The dog’s master deliberates about what to name it, and the dog waits with bated breath—the name will give it its purpose and identity. The boy says that he’ll name his dog Dog. Deep inside, the hell-hound knows something is wrong, but he’s already devoted to his master. Strangely, instead of just wanting to jump up at people, he also wants to wag his tail.
As Crowley and Aziraphale drive in the Bentley, they anxiously wonder if someone else is interfering with the Antichrist, and they discuss what can be done to a person “down there” or “up there.” Crowley insists that Aziraphale’s side has “ineffable mercy,” but Aziraphale asks if Crowley ever visited Gomorrah “afterwards.”
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Crowley and Aziraphale decide that something must’ve happened in the hospital, even though the hospital was staffed with Crowley’s people (Satanist nurses). Both Crowley and Aziraphale both find Satanists embarrassing—they’re too enthusiastic and don’t understand that all a person needs to be a Satanist is will, not elaborate symbols and rituals. Old-style Satanists aren’t even particularly evil, whereas nowadays, some of them come up with horrifically evil ideas and then blame their actions on Hell or the Devil. In Crowley’s opinion, neither Heaven nor Hell are major reservoirs of good or evil. True evil (and for that matter, good) exists inside the human mind. Suddenly, Crowley remembers a scatterbrained nun, and he drives the Bentley 90 miles per hour through London. Aziraphale puts in tape after tape of classical music, but each one plays Queen instead.
Surveyors don’t tend to set up at midnight—and yet, at the same time as Crowley and Aziraphale are driving, there’s a surveyor out on the Oxfordshire plain. Her theodolite isn’t normal: it has a hazel twig strapped on top, crystal pendulums, and Celtic runes. The woman, Anathema Device, wears a sensible cloak and is a sensible person—so she carries a bread knife instead of amulets to protect against “prowling maniacs.” She draws a line on her survey map, which intersects another line. Then, Anathema collapses her theodolite and climbs on her ancient bike.
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Meanwhile, Crowley snaps at Aziraphale as they argue about asking for directions. He slams the Bentley into gear as Aziraphale notes that there’s something odd about this area; he gets the sense that someone really loves this place. Suddenly, there’s a scream and a thump, and Crowley and Aziraphale get out of the car to find a bent bike. Aziraphale conjures light but gets rid of it when a woman’s voice asks how he did that. Aziraphale pulls the woman, Anathema, up. He heals her minor fracture and picks up her things for her. Then, he picks up her bike, which is now gleaming and sports a puncture repair kit and a pump. Anathema is confused, but Aziraphale hurriedly tosses her things into the Bentley’s backseat and levitates the bike onto the new roof rack.
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Anathema continues to remark on her bike’s new features as Crowley drives slowly down the road, the Bentley’s lights now on. He asks if there’s a hospital run by nuns around, but Anathema says that the only big place nearby is Tadfield Manor. When they reach Anathema’s house, she gets out of the car to find her bike already leaning against her gate. Once inside, she spreads some maps and mystical objects out on the table and tries to figure out what she learned from her surveying. She thinks that “IT” is in the northern part of the village, but the signal wasn’t strong enough. The answer must be in The Book—but the book is unintelligible unless a person can think like Agnes, who’s a brilliant but crazed witch from the 17th century. Suddenly, with horror, Anathema realizes that she’s lost The Book.
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As Aziraphale and Crowley drive, Aziraphale tries to explain that he can sense a “cherished” feel to this place, which he’s never felt anywhere else. Crowley calls Aziraphale oversensitive. When they reach the hospital, Crowley pulls in and reiterates to Aziraphale that on the night he brought the baby Antichrist here, the nuns working here were Satanists. He explains how his side orchestrated things so that the American Attaché’s wife, Mrs. Dowling, would have no choice but to give birth in a rural religious hospital. The plan worked perfectly—until it didn’t.
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Aziraphale smugly points out that evil plans are bound to self-destruct because they’re evil, but Crowley insists that it was just typical human incompetence. Then, he notices that all the cars in the driveway are fancier than his, and Aziraphale suggests that they have the wrong place. Suddenly, someone shoots both of them.
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Mary Hodges (formerly Sister Mary Loquacious) liked the Chattering Order, but she decided not to move with it when it left Tadfield Manor—she liked the manor and wanted to oversee its repairs. The Mother Superior handed over the deeds, since it wasn’t going to matter in 11 years anyway. Over time, Sister Mary shed her old identity and became Mary Hodges. She gave up women’s magazines and started reading magazines about finance; from one, she learned that the business community was looking for big buildings with beautiful grounds. She decided to start a business, Tadfield Manor Conference and Management Training Center, which quickly became a success. Mary’s style of management training involves much more than just informative slideshows.
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Having been shot, Crowley sinks down and thinks that he can’t afford the hassle of trying to get a new body right now. Then, he realizes that his blood is yellow, and that Aziraphale is bleeding blue—they’ve been shot with paintball guns. Crowley doesn’t know what game these people are playing.
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Meanwhile, as Nigel Tompkins crawls through the underbrush, he thinks that he’s not playing a game: he’s here to help his chances of getting a promotion. Tompkins sneaks back toward the figures he shot, and when he sees something dreadful—Crowley’s demonic form—he blacks out. Crowley quickly turns back into his human form, and Aziraphale scolds him for dirtying his shirt with the maggots that he conjured up as part of his demonic persona. As Crowley picks up and inspects Tompkins’s paintball gun, Aziraphale shares that currently, Heaven supports guns in the right hands. Surprised, Crowley runs a hand over the gun and drops it onto Tompkins’s chest.
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Aziraphale and Crowley enter the manor. Crowley flips through a pamphlet in the reception area, hoping it’ll include a note about where the nuns went. Eventually, a plump man wanders in, jovially asks who’s winning, and says that an employee from Forward Planning got him good. Suddenly, they hear a burst of bullets from the grounds—real bullets, not pellets. Crowley smiles “like a snake.”
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Out on the grounds, Nigel Tompkins comes to, aims his gun at a coworker, and pulls the trigger. Back inside, Aziraphale shouts at Crowley for giving Tompkins a real gun, but Crowley says that fair is fair. Meanwhile, another group outside realizes that their guns are real, too. Crowley insists to Aziraphale that no one has to pull the trigger, and he admits that he’s orchestrated this incident so that no one is actually going to die. He and Aziraphale decide to wander the halls of the manor while everyone is distracted; outside, police begin to arrive.
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When Crowley and Aziraphale reach Mary Hodges’s office, Crowley pushes the door open and recognizes Mary immediately. He snaps his fingers, and she sits back with a blank look. Aziraphale looks scandalized but refuses to question Mary himself. Crowley confirms that Mary was a nun 11 years ago and asks if she can remember an incident involving switching babies—and if it’s possible that something went wrong. Mary does remember the baby-switching, but she doesn’t know anything else. Furthermore, the hospital records were destroyed in a fire that occurred just after the incident. Crowley groans—the fire was probably Hastur’s doing. Suddenly, Aziraphale hears sirens outside, and he insists that Crowley hurry up, refusing to delay the police.
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No one notices Aziraphale and Crowley leaving the manor—the police are too busy wrangling the management trainees into vans. Crowley insists to Aziraphale that if Mary plays her cards right, she could make a fortune with her business. After a pause, Aziraphale wonders why they can’t find the Antichrist. Crowley explains that the boy has powers that keep him hidden from “occult forces,” like an angel and a demon. They gloomily toss out ways that the world might end. When Aziraphale suggests that it’ll be a terrorist organization, he and Crowley name terrorists on their respective sides. Three terrorist groups are on both lists. Upset and distracted, Crowley puts a random tape in—it plays Queen.
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Aziraphale suggests that they could get a human to find the Antichrist, since humans are good at finding one another. Crowley thinks this would be unlikely, but he doesn’t have any other ideas. Aziraphale says that he’ll contact his network of agents, and Crowley agrees to do the same. When they reach Aziraphale’s bookshop in London, he reaches into the backseat for his coat and discovers a book. As Aziraphale opens it up, bells ring in his head—he realizes that it must’ve belonged to Anathema and is glad that Crowley can’t see his face. Crowley refuses to return the book as Aziraphale fumbles with his keys and barely says goodbye.
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Meanwhile, Anathema tries everything she can to find The Book, but she can’t—she realizes that she left it in the back of the men’s car. She’s sure that Agnes Nutter’s descendants are laughing at her. Anathema hopes that the men won’t know what The Book is.
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Aziraphale is extremely proud of his collection of books of prophecy—they’re all signed, and he even has the original scroll of St. John the Divine of Patmos’s “Revelation.” (St. John was nice, but he liked mushrooms too much.) The book that Aziraphale found in Crowley’s Bentley, The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, is missing from his collection, so he holds the book gingerly. He puts on gloves to protect the book’s pages and makes himself some cocoa to drink while he reads. Forty minutes later, the cocoa is still untouched.
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Meanwhile, there’s a red-haired woman sitting in the corner of a bar—she’s the most successful war correspondent in the world. All the other war correspondents idolize her, but she writes for the National World Weekly. The National World Weekly typically publishes stories about Elvis, so they don’t need a war correspondent. The woman seems to arrive at the wars before they even break out. Now, she’s on a small Mediterranean island—which, all of a sudden, is experiencing violence. Suddenly, three men from different factions break through the window to claim the hotel for their side. While some believe that the hotel is strategically important, the bar’s pianist notes that the wine cellar is just well-stocked.
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One man lifts his gun and threatens to shoot anyone who speaks, but everyone stops to listen. A muttering deliveryman sidles into the room with a long, thin package. He gives it to the woman at the bar and asks her to sign for it. Rather than sign her current name, Carmine Zuigiber, she signs with a shorter name: Red. The deliveryman backs out of the room, and Red opens the package: it contains a large sword. She finishes her drink, hefts the sword over her shoulder, and looks around—every gun is trained on her, and every man is afraid. The men all shoot at the same time, hitting people as well as objects in the bar. Once they’ve ceased fire, Red licks someone else’s blood off her hand and walks out, seemingly unharmed. Two surviving vacationers snap that they should’ve gone elsewhere, completely missing the importance of what happened.
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