Li’l Bit’s Grandfather Quotes in How I Learned to Drive
MALE GREEK CHORUS. (As Grandfather.) How is Shakespeare going to help her lie on her back in the dark? (Li’l Bit is on her feet.)
LI’L BIT. You’re getting old. Big Papa. You are going to die —v ery very soon. Maybe even tonight. And when you get to heaven, God’s going to be a beautiful black woman in a long white robe. She’s gonna look at your chart and say: Uh-oh. Fornication. Dog-ugly mean with blood relatives. Oh. Uh-oh. Voted for George Wallace. Well, one last chance: If you can name the play, all will be forgiven. And then she’ll quote: “The quality of mercy is not strained." Your answer? Oh, too bad — Merchant of Venice: Act IV, Scene iii. And then she’ll send your ass to fry in hell with all the other crackers. Excuse me, please.
PECK. Your grandfather’s ignorant. And you’re right — he’s going to die soon. But he’s family. Family is... family.
LI’L BIT. Grown-ups are always saying that. Family.
PECK. Well, when you get a little older, you’ll see what we’re saying.
LI’L BIT. Uh-huh. So family is another acquired taste, like French kissing?
PECK. Come again?
LI’L BIT. You know, at first it really grosses you out, but in time you grow to like it?
PECK. Girl, you are... a handful.
TEENAGE GREEK CHORUS. (As Grandmother.) Your grandfather only cares that I do two things: have the table set and the bed turned down.