Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
On May 7, 1931, the notorious killer “Two Gun” Crowley was hunted down and captured. He was one of the most dangerous killers in New York; once, he was sitting in a car with his girlfriend when a policeman walked up and asked for his license. Without a word, Crowley drew his gun and shot the man. But when Crowley was captured, police found a note in which he wrote that his heart was a “kind one” that would “do nobody any harm.” When he was sentenced to the death chair, he remarked that this was what he got for defending himself.
By quoting Crowley’s assertion that at heart he is “kind” and wouldn’t do anybody harm, Carnegie illustrates how people are generally self-interested. Regardless of the misdeeds they’ve committed (even something as serious as murder), people still regard themselves well and will justify their bad actions.
Themes
Crowley isn’t the only criminal with this view: Al Capone regarded himself as an unappreciated public benefactor, simply helping people have a good time. The warden of New York’s Sing Sing prison, Lewis Lawes, once told Carnegie that few of the criminals in the prison view themselves as bad men—they rationalize their acts to keep a positive self-image.
Since people tend to think highly of themselves, criticizing others is usually ineffective, as Lewis Lawes suggests here. This begins to illustrate why criticism isn’t very useful in interpersonal relations, because people want to maintain this positive self-image and will rarely accept the criticism’s premise.
Themes
John Wanamaker, owner of the United States’ first department stores, believed that it is foolish to scold people. Carnegie agrees, explaining that people will rarely criticize themselves for anything, no matter their wrongdoing. As a result, criticism is futile because it wounds people’s pride, puts them on the defensive, and usually makes them justify themselves even more.
Here, Carnegie explicitly argues for why negative criticism is so ineffective: because people rarely accept it and reflect on it. Instead, people simply try to argue with that criticism or blame the person giving it; therefore, he suggests, it is better to avoid criticism altogether.
Themes
Psychologist B. F. Skinner proved that animals rewarded for good behavior will learn more rapidly and effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown the same is true of humans—criticism only incurs resentment.
While Carnegie generally uses anecdotes from students in his classes as to support his arguments, B. F. Skinner’s study provides credible scientific evidence. His study suggests that positive reinforcement encourages animals (and people) to change their behavior far more effectively than negative criticism or punishment.
Themes
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George B. Johnston, a safety coordinator for an engineering company, was responsible for making sure that employees wore hard hats. Whenever he demanded that his workers wear the hats, they would sullenly accept and then take off the hats whenever he left. But when Johnston asked if the hats were uncomfortable and reminded the men pleasantly that the hats were designed to protect them, the employees complied.
Johnston’s story illustrates the same point that Skinner made: positivity wins out over negativity. Johnson changed from criticizing his workers to encouraging good behavior, and as a result, they were more willing to follow his instruction. This story also illustrates two other principles that Carnegie will go on to explore further: first, making harsh demands goes against Carnegie’s idea that it’s beneficial to make others feel important. And when Johnston was able to empathize with his workers and see things from their point of view, he was much more effective at getting them to change their behavior because he prioritized their needs rather than his own.
Themes
Carnegie gives a few examples from history that show how futile criticism is. When Theodore Roosevelt left the White House in 1908, Taft succeeded him; both were Republicans. But afterward, Roosevelt denounced Taft for his conservatism, formed the Bull Moose party, and ran against Taft—a split that resulted in the Republicans’ disastrous defeat and got Woodrow Wilson elected. Roosevelt blamed Taft for this loss, but Taft said that he couldn’t have done anything different—Roosevelt’s criticism didn’t persuade Taft that he was wrong.
This example reinforces how unhelpful negative criticism is. As Carnegie points out, Roosevelt’s criticism did not change Taft’s behavior, nor did Taft even recognize how he might have changed his behavior. Instead, Roosevelt’s critiques only hindered the Republication Party and both Roosevelt and Taft’s ambitions.
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In the Teapot Dome scandal of the early 1920s, Albert B. Fall, secretary of the interior under Warren G. Harding, gave the oil reserves at Elk Hill and Teapot Dome to his friend in exchange for a “loan” of $100,000—really, this was an illegal bribe. Then, Secretary Fall ordered the Marines to drive off competitors who were using wells near the Elk Hill reserves, and the competitors took Fall to court. The scandal ruined the Harding Administration, nearly wrecked the Republican Party, and landed Fall in jail. But Fall never repented, always maintaining that he would never do anything wrong.
The Teapot Dome scandal—which remains one of the most notorious bribery scandals in U.S. history—is another example of how people act in their own self-interest and are rarely willing to admit their own wrongdoing. The fact that Fall always maintained that he would never do anything wrong illustrates how futile any criticism of him was, no matter how justified it was in the public’s eyes. While it might have ruined his political career, it wasn’t effective at making him honestly reflect on and change his behavior.
Themes
The point of these stories is to illustrate that human nature is to blame everyone else. But condemning people will simply lead them to justify themselves and blame the criticizer in return. This is a lesson that Abraham Lincoln—widely considered one of the greatest leaders of all time—learned as well. As a young lawyer, Lincoln openly attacked his opponents, like an aggressive politician named James Shields, in letters published in the newspaper. These critiques led Shields to challenge Lincoln to a duel. Though Lincoln didn’t want to duel, he felt he had to do so to defend his honor—but fortunately, the duel was stopped at the last minute by the men’s seconds.
Carnegie next turns to Abraham Lincoln, one of the most revered figures in American history (particularly at the time Carnegie was writing in the early 20th century). Yet Lincoln criticized other people, and he learned the lesson that it’s best to avoid criticism since people rarely accept it. And he almost learned that lesson the hard way, because his criticism nearly led him to a dangerous duel with one of his peers.
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This incident taught Lincoln a valuable lesson in dealing with people, and he never wrote an insulting letter again or even ridiculed anyone. Lincoln rarely criticized his generals all through the Civil War; he acted “with malice toward none, with charity for all.” One of his favorite quotations was “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
In contrast to criminals like Crowley or corrupt politicians like Fall, Carnegie uses Lincoln as an example of a good leader—that is, someone who does not criticize and who has “malice towards none” and “charity for all” (which is a quote from his second inaugural address). The second quote about not judging others comes from the Bible, further associating Lincoln’s decision not to criticize others with moral virtue.
Themes
Lincoln had great cause to criticize others, however. Once, General Meade disobeyed a direct order from Lincoln to attack General Robert E. Lee, whose army was trapped behind the Potomac River after the Battle of Gettysburg due to impassable waters. Because Meade procrastinated, Lee was able to escape, and Lincoln was furious. He wrote Meade an outraged letter, essentially explaining that Meade prevented them from winning the war. But Lincoln never mailed the letter, realizing that after three horrifically bloody days at Gettysburg, Lincoln might have been more timid like Meade. Lincoln also knew from experience that sharp criticism is rarely effective.
This example demonstrates Lincoln’s other virtues: his empathy and selflessness. Even though it would be easy for Lincoln to take out his anger on Meade and criticize him, he chose not to send his angry letter. Instead, he realized once again that criticism is ineffective, and he looked at the situation from Meade’s point of view and sympathized with the difficult decisions Meade had to make. By taking this selfless perspective and forgoing criticism, Lincoln avoided further conflict with a key general, showing the benefits of this kind of selflessness and positivity.
Themes
If people want to change or improve someone else, the best place to begin is with themselves—this is, after all, easier to do. When Carnegie was young, he wrote a letter to a famous author and put a note at the bottom: “dictated but not read.” The author refused to answer and simply wrote a note chiding Carnegie for bad manners. Carnegie resented this so much that when the author died years later, he still thought of this rebuke—resentment can last for decades.
Carnegie’s story emphasizes how long-lasting negative feedback can be, and how it can ruin relationships. At the same time, Carnegie highlights that trying to improve yourself—humbly recognizing that there are ways you can be better—is easier and more helpful than trying to change others.
Themes
People are not logical—they are emotional and often motivated by pride. Anyone can criticize, condemn, or complain about others, but it takes stronger character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
This passage underscores how people tend to have high opinions of themselves. But as a result, criticizing, condemning, or complaining—all negative methods of dealing with other people’s behavior—don’t work, because people’s emotionality and pride make them unreceptive to that criticism.
Themes
Carnegie cites another example: that of Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot. One day, at an air show, both engines on his plane suddenly stopped. He made an emergency landing, and the plane was badly damaged, though luckily the three people on board were not hurt. He discovered that the young mechanic fueling the World War II prop plane used jet fuel rather than gasoline. But he didn’t criticize the young man, who was tearful and sick at his mistake. He instead asked the young man to service his plane the next day, because he was sure that the mechanic wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
This is an example of how using positive encouragement is more beneficial than negative criticism. Criticizing the mechanic would only cause the young man to get defensive and displace blame onto Hoover. Instead, Hoover helped the mechanic retain his self-esteem and pride, and he knew that showing confidence in the mechanic’s ability to correct the mistake would be a better way to handle the situation.
Themes
Even though parents often criticize children, Carnegie cites an editorial in the People’s Home Journal to show the problem with this criticism. In the editorial, a father feels guilty about constantly scolding his son for gulping down his food at breakfast, not cleaning his shoes, or getting holes in his stockings. The father understands that he is holding his son to unrealistic standards—expectations he might have for an adult but which are unfair to have for a child.
This editorial illustrates how the father’s criticism is not only hurting his son, also the father, because he feels guilty about how he treats his son. This is another aspect of how criticism and negativity can be problematic, because it usually makes the person doing the criticizing feel distressed or regretful as well.
Themes
The father then brings up what happened later in the day: his son came in timidly to the library, and his father snapped at him once more. The boy then threw his arms around his father and kissed him before returning to his room. In hindsight, the father becomes very upset that he reprimanded his son—who is, after all, just a little boy—and for not seeing the good in him. Carnegie concludes from the story that instead of condemning people, it’s important to understand them.
This conclusion illustrates that empathizing with others goes hand in hand with not criticizing them. In being able to understand his son’s perspective, the father is able to be much more generous in how he treats his child because he recognizes that he’s still young and is bound to make mistakes. This returns to the idea that selflessness and empathy are crucial in human relations rather and are much more effective than jumping to negativity, as the father had been doing.
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