Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
The most important thing a person wears to make a good first impression is not an article of clothing: it is a smile. Smiles say, “I like you. You make me happy.” This is why dogs are such a hit—because they are so glad to see people. The same is true of babies: their smiles are infectious and brighten any room that they’re in.
Carnegie returns to dogs as a symbol, this time to show the benefits of positivity. Dogs instantly bring joy into people’s lives because of their happy demeanor—and Carnegie suggests that if people were just as positive, they would be able to “win friends” in the same way that dogs do.
Themes
Insincere grins don’t fool anyone, because we know they are mechanical. But James McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, said that people who often smile tend to manage, teach, and sell more effectively. Smiles are powerful—they can even be heard through the phone. Robert Cryer, the manager of a computer department, said that he was able to hire a successful applicant for a hard-to-fill position even though the applicant had several offers from other companies. When Cryer asked why the man chose his company, the man said that during their phone conversations, it sounded like Cryer was glad to hear from him and wanted him to be part of the organization.
This passage again underscores the power of positivity. But here, Carnegie demonstrates that positivity doesn’t even have to come through one’s words—having a positive demeanor can be just as influential, like in the case of Cryer sounding enthusiastic about his applicant joining the company. Additionally, the book again underscores that it’s important for this positivity to be sincere—if it’s not genuine, it won’t have the same effect.
Themes
People rarely succeed unless they have fun doing it, and likewise, you must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Carnegie once challenged his students to smile every hour, and one man described how this simple change in demeanor brought him greater happiness in his marriage and his work relationships. The man now also gives appreciation instead of condemnation, and as a result he is richer in friendship and happiness.
This man’s anecdote illustrates the benefits of positivity. First, simply changing his demeanor improved his marriage and other relationships. Switching from using criticism to appreciation was also a part of this change, as the man’s life improved when he began evaluating others in a positive way.
Themes
Smiling will actually make a person happier, even if they don’t feel happy when they smile in the first place. The best path to being cheerful is to act as though you already are. It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are that makes you happy. Two people could live the exact same life, but one could be happy and one could be miserable based on their perspective. Lincoln remarked that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Carnegie emphasizes that positivity isn’t really a matter of circumstance, as two people coming from different perspectives could end up in the same situation and have vastly different attitudes about it. But it’s the person who chooses positivity who will be happier and more satisfied with their life. Returning to Lincoln to prove Carnegie’s point gives this idea even more credence, as he illustrates that one of history’s most renowned leaders subscribed to this same idea.
Themes
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Working all by oneself in a closed-off room is lonely and denies the opportunity of making friends with other employees, like Maria Gonzalez experienced when she started at her new job. So, she made an effort to walk to the water cooler, smile, and say hello to those around her. They returned her smiles, and the hallways seemed more cheerful. Acquaintances developed, and some became friendships. Carnegie affirms this story with words from essayist Elbert Hubbard, who posited that thinking positively about the future can help manifest the events that we want.
Using Maria Gonzalez’s example, Carnegie illustrates that sometimes “winning friends,” per the book’s title, can be as simple as putting positivity in the world by smiling. Thinking positively about the future can also help make those dreams a reality, as Carnegie argues by citing Elbert Hubbard. This again reinforces the advantage of thinking and acting with positivity in mind.
Themes
Smiles are messengers of good will, brightening the lives of all who see them. Carnegie concludes the chapter with an advertisement about the value of a smile: it costs nothing but creates much. It cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen—its only value lies in being given away.
Here, Carnegie makes another salient point about smiles: they don’t cost anything to give to others, but they carry immense value. Thus, he suggests that positivity is priceless, because what it can help people achieve great things with very little effort.
Themes
