In Order to Live

The apartment in Qingdao gives Yeonmi and her mother their first glimpse of an organized escape network, contrasting with the chaos and routine exploitation that defined their time in China. The shift in Yeonmi’s spiritual beliefs reflects how easily faith can fill the void left by an ideological collapse—once she stops believing in the Kims, she becomes open to new ideas and worldviews. Her changing relationship to belief underscores how deeply she needs something stable to hold onto while navigating the uncertainty of defection.

The pastor calls Yeonmi and Keum Sook’s chatroom work “sinful,” but he ignores the circumstances that pushed them into it. They fled an oppressive regime, were separated from their family, endured abuse and were commodified, and eventually found in the chatroom a way to earn their own living and reclaim some agency. This sort of moral judgment persists even in these rescue spaces, reflecting a hierarchy (and a system of indoctrination) that mirrors the world they fled, and it nearly costs Yeonmi and her mother their chance at freedom. Preparing tools for suicide shows that, despite the promise of sanctuary in Mongolia, the risks remain the same as every border crossing before. And Yeonmi’s decision to call Hongwei speaks to the lingering emotional complexity of captivity. She can’t fully sever ties with the man who harmed her but also played a role in reuniting her family.