It Ends with Us

Later in bed, Lily realizes that she’s nearing the end of her diary entries to Ellen. She hesitates to finish them, but she wonders if doing so after seeing Atlas will give her the closure she needs. In the first entry Lily reads, she had written about a quote Ellen’s character had in the movie Finding Nemo: “just keep swimming.” Those lines had increased in importance to Lily after recent events; Atlas had gotten really sick, making it difficult for her to carry on. 

Atlas continued to sleep on Lily’s floor during the snowy weather, so she noticed as soon as he climbed in the window the night before that he was in bad shape. Though Atlas tried to encourage her, Lily’s concern only escalated when he started throwing up in her trash can. Though his repeated vomiting grossed her out, Lily laid next to him and cared for him all night. In the morning, he went home while Lily pretended to be sick so she could take care of him. Lily’s mother called her out of school and went to work, allowing Lily to bring Atlas back over. She cared for him, and they cuddled on the couch. He kissed her on the shoulder in thanks.  Together they watched Finding Nemo, and they held hands when Ellen’s character said they had to continue swimming forward. Lily felt like he was telling her that was what they needed to do, too.

In Lily’s next diary entry, she expresses concern about how often she thinks about and worries for Atlas. The night before she wrote this letter, he slept in her bed because she put his blankets in the laundry. Atlas then told her that he’d gotten in touch with his uncle, who agreed to house him in Boston once he’s back in town from a work trip. Lily was leveled by the idea of Atlas leaving, though she was also happy he’d have a home. Atlas admitted that he didn’t want to leave he either, touching her lips as he spoke. He thanked her and kissed her on the forehead. He kissed her on the lips too, and Lily had been overcome by the feelings in her body. They kept kissing instead of talking more about Boston.

The letter following Atlas and Lily’s kiss is dated a week later. In it, she explains to Ellen that lately after school, Atlas would shower, then they would make out until her parents got home. They stopped watching her show. Lily wrote how comfortable she had become around Atlas as they’d explored each other. She wondered how people can focus on anything when they have this much excitement in their lives.  At the end of the journal entry, Lily mentioned that they still hadn’t discussed his possible move to Boston.

The next entry describes how Atlas kissed Lily on the bus—the first time they did so in public. Lily’s friend noticed and made a disparaging comment on how gross Atlas was. Lily was infuriated by her judgment. Sitting on the bus, she told Atlas that he was her favorite person, and he told her she was his too. When they got off the bus, Lily flipped the other girl off. The power was off when they returned home, so Atlas used the gas stove to make cookies. Lily’s father came home early before they were finished. Lily pretended she had made them when her father asked about them.

Lily writes that she waited to try the cookies until Atlas climbed into her window later that night. As they ate them, he presented her with a gift: a small hollowed out heart carved from wood. Atlas explained that he had carved it from the oak tree she’d pointed out earlier in the year. Looking at the heart, Lily was unsure if the love she felt was for it or for Atlas. She threw herself on top of him in thanks. At the back of her mind, Lily wondered if this was a goodbye gift. She admitted to Ellen that she needed to talk to him about it, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. In Lily’s next entry, she explained that Atlas was really going to Boston, but she couldn’t talk about it yet.

Lily’s next letter to Ellen isn’t about Boston; instead, she recounts her father’s most recent abuse of her mother. Lily explained that her father usually hit her mother where no one could see, but the night before, he had left damage that her mother couldn’t hide. When they came home from a social event, Lily heard him hitting her. Atlas was in bed next to her, and he tried to keep her from going downstairs in fear she might get hurt too. When Lily finally convinced Atlas to let her go, she found her father choking and trying to rape her mother. Her mother saw her and begged her father to be quiet.

Lily already saw what was going on, however, and she went into the kitchen to get a knife. Before Lily could get to her father, Atlas grabbed her and took her back upstairs. She lashed out at him in anger, but he wouldn’t let her go downstairs again. Atlas told her they should call the police, but Lily’s mother came into the room before they could. Lily told her mother they’d call for help. She begged them not to. She told Lily that Lily couldn’t understand how complicated adult relationships are. Atlas had left while Lily cried with her mother. Her mom never mentioned seeing Atlas, choosing to ignore it—like everything else.

The next entry Lily reads is from the day that Atlas left for Boston. She explains in the letter to Ellen that their last night had been fraught. Atlas had been hesitant to leave Lily alone in her house, but she knew he needed to go so he could have a home. He told her about Boston, saying “everything is better” in Boston except for the fact that she won’t be there. Lily told him she may move there someday. Atlas made her agree to find him if she ever came to Boston. Then they kissed goodbye.

Back in the present, Lily can’t read anymore. There’s one last journal entry, but it is too hard for her to read. She reminds herself that Atlas is happy now, and that part of her life is over. She sees a text from Ryle containing a naked truth; he tells her that he was worried a relationship would be burdensome, but instead it makes all the other parts of his life feel even more worth it. Lily also sees a text from her mother. It reads that she wishes she could be more like Lily. Lily screenshots both messages so she can remember them forever.