It Ends with Us

The next morning, Lily sits in the living room as her roommate Lucy runs around getting ready for work. Lucy tells Lily she is lucky to have bereavement time off, but Lily sarcastically reminds her it’s because her father is dead. The women have very little in common aside from age and similar names. Other than Lucy’s constant need to sing, Lily finds Lucy to be a passable roommate. At the very least, Lucy is clean and often out of the house.

Lily is surprised when her mother calls. The two make small talk, then Lily’s mom tells her not to be embarrassed about freezing up at the eulogy. Lily thinks her mother is simply choosing to ignore the hatred that drove Lily’s non-speech. Her mother has always ignored things that make her uncomfortable, choosing to pretend all is well.  Though Lily considers forcing her mother to talk about what really happened, she instead chooses to go along with it. Lily’s mom has to go attend to details of her father’s estate, so they say goodbye.

After hanging up with her mother, Lily goes through a shoe box of memories. First, she pulls out a carved wooden heart, which she puts down when it causes a rush of emotion. Next, she finds her diaries, all of which are filled with entries written to comedian Ellen DeGeneres. Lily used to watch her talk show every day after school. She never sent any of the letters to her, but it made her feel better to be writing to someone instead of to herself. Since her father’s death, Lily finds herself immersed in memories from her childhood. In reading her journals now, she hopes she can find a way to forgive her father for his abuse, though she fears the memories will only stir her anger again.

The first letter to Ellen explains the night Lily met Atlas. While shuffling cards in bed, which Lily used to do when she used to do when she couldn’t sleep, she saw a light in the abandoned house behind hers. She couldn’t see anything else in the dark, but in the morning, she noticed a boy sneaking out of the house. He and Lily took the same bus to school that morning.  After school, she saw him go back to the condemned house. She worried about why he was staying there but didn’t want to say anything to her mother yet.

Lily’s next entry is from two days later. She writes that she continued to see the boy coming and going from the house and learned that he was a senior named Atlas Corrigan. Lily’s friend told her that Atlas had a reputation for smelling bad, and Lily wanted to come to his defense because she knew he didn’t have access to running water. Lily went out to her vegetable garden after school that day and noticed that some of her radishes were missing. She thought Atlas may have taken them because he was hungry, so she left a bag of food for him on the porch of the abandoned house. He didn’t come out, but when Lily returned to her room, she looked out the window and saw that the food was gone.

The entry from the following day recounts Lily’s first conversation with Atlas. Lily and Atlas were standing alone at the bus stop, and Atlas thanked Lily. She was unable to respond because his voice affected her so deeply. On the way home, he sat in the open seat next to Lily on the bus. She felt shy having a boy so close. Sitting in silence, she noticed that he did smell a little. His clothes were ratty and too small for him. He asked if she told anyone. When he looked at her she was surprised at how blue his eyes were. She responded that she didn’t, then she asked why he didn’t live with his parents. Atlas tells her they don’t want him.

After they got off the bus later that day, Atlas walked with Lily to her yard instead of sneaking around back. He asked when her parents would get home. Lily told him that if he’s fast, he could take a shower in her bathroom before they got back. She could tell that he was embarrassed, though he followed her inside anyway. As he showered, she grabbed some of her father’s clothes and extra food for him to take home. When Atlas emerged, Lily was shocked by how attractive he looked with clean hair and a shave. The two introduced themselves, and Atlas’ smile stuns Lily.

On his way out the back door, Atlas stopped to look in Lily’s bedroom. She was embarrassed by how immature it must look to him. Before he left, he thanked her for not “disparaging” him. She was surprised by his vocabulary, which along with his handsomeness and good manners seemed to conflict with the fact that he was homeless. She wondered how someone like him could end up with nowhere to live. At the end of Lily’s diary entry about this encounter, Lily writes about needing to find out what happened to Atlas.

Back in the present, Lily shuts her diary when she hears her phone ring. Her mother is calling again. When she answers, her mom asks what Lily thinks about her moving to Boston. When Lily does not answer, her mother assures her it’s just an idea. Lily doesn’t want her mother to live so close for fear that she’ll need to constantly keep her company. Lily remembers how relieved the news of her father’s cancer made her feel; she knew he couldn’t hurt her mother anymore. With his death, Lily imagined she’d be finally free from worrying about her mom, but the idea of her moving to Boston disrupts that freedom.