In It Ends with Us, the trauma of growing up in an abusive household deeply affects Lily’s perception of her worth and her sense of belonging. For this reason, she is overjoyed when Ryle’s family embraces her with open arms. In Ryle, Lily finds more than a husband: she finds a best friend in Allysa, Ryle’s supportive younger sister; a brother in Marshall, Allysa’s carefree husband; and loving parents in Ryle’s mom and dad, Mrs. and Dr. Kincaid. When Ryle’s violence against Lily begins to escalate, this sense of belonging only ensnares her more in her relationship with him and the life they are building together. For much of the novel, Lily vacillates between staying and leaving, not only because she truly loves Ryle, but also because she feels that leaving for her own well-being may also mean leaving the love she has found in his family. However, Lily is surprised to find that Allysa and Marshall support her decision to leave Ryle—and that their support is integral to her ability to set boundaries and rebuild her life as she navigates leaving her abusive marriage. And at the end of the novel, the birth of Lily and Ryle’s daughter, Emmy, nullifies Lily’s concern that divorcing Ryle may separate her from her new family. In fact, it is love of that family—and most importantly, its newest member, Emmy—that gives Lily the strength to leave. Lily learns that love, in truest form, does not trap you, but keep you afloat in hard times and propel you toward a brighter future—and that a person’s chosen family should consist of people who offer you that kind of love.
Related Themes from Other Texts
Chosen Family ThemeTracker
Chosen Family Quotes in It Ends with Us
“My father was abusive. […] Sometimes he would buy me stuff because he knew I hated it when they fought. When I was a kid, I found myself looking forward to the nights they would fight. Because I knew if he hit her, the two weeks that followed would be great. […] When I got older I realized that not doing something about it made me just as guilty. I spent most of my life hating him for being such a bad person, but I’m not so sure I’m much better. Maybe we’re both bad people.”
Ryle looks over at me with a thoughtful expression. “Lily,” he says pointedly. “There is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who do bad things.”
I open my mouth to respond, but his words strike me silent.
“Someone once told me that there is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who sometimes do bad things. That stuck with me, because it’s so true. We’ve all got a little bit of good and evil in us. I want to make that our theme. Instead of painting the walls a putrid sweet color, we paint them dark purple with black accents. And instead of only putting out the usual pastel displays of flowers in boring crystal vases that make people think about life, we go edgy. Brave and bold.”
I run inside the store and grab the steampunk flowers and run them back to their car. Her face lights up when I hand them to her.
“I’m happy you’re pregnant but that’s not why I’m giving you these flowers. I just want you to have them. Because you’re my best friend.”
Allysa squeezes me and whispers in my ear. “I hope he marries you someday. We’ll be even better sisters.”
She climbs inside the car and they leave, and I just stand there watching them because I don’t know that I’ve ever had a friend like her in my whole life. Maybe it’s the wine. I don’t know, but I love today.
“I shot him, Lily. My best friend. My big brother. I was only six years old. I didn’t even know I was holding a real gun.”
[…] “I was trying to put everything back inside his head. I thought I could fix him, Lily.”
[…] “Allysa wanted me to tell you all of this because since that happened, there are things I can’t control. I get angry. I black out. I’ve been in therapy since I was six years old. But it’s not my excuse. It is my reality…I don’t remember the moment I pushed you. But I know I did…You’re my wife. I’m supposed to be the one who protects you from the monsters. I’m not supposed to be one.”
[…] It breaks me. It rips me apart from the inside out. All my heart wants to do is wrap tightly around his.
“My brother loves you, Lily. He loves you so much. You have changed his entire life and have made him someone that I never thought he could be. As his sister, I wish more than anything that you find a way to forgive him. But as your best friend, I have to tell you that if you take him back, I will never speak to you again.”
It takes a moment for her words to register, but when they do, I start sobbing.
She starts sobbing.
She wraps her arms around me and we cry over the mutual love we have for Ryle. We cry over how much we hate him right now.
“‘He held me down while I begged him to stop. But he swears he’ll never do it again. What should I do, Daddy?’”
He’s kissing her forehead, over and over, tears spilling down his face.
“What would you say to her, Ryle? Tell me. I need to know what you would say to our daughter if the man she loves with all her heart ever hurts her.”
A sob breaks from his check. He leans toward me and wraps an arm around me. “I would beg her to leave him…I would tell her that she is worth so much more. And I would beg her not to go back, no matter how much he loves her.”
[…] We hold each other. We hold our daughter. And as hard as this choice is, we break the pattern before the pattern breaks us.
