Kokoro: Part 3: Sensei and his Testament Summary & Analysis

Writing to the narrator, Sensei apologizes for not responding to his earlier letters, citing his contemplation of suicide and the little significance he attached at the time to the narrator’s job-hunt. He asks forgiveness, both for this, and for requesting the narrator’s presence via telegram—he forgot about the narrator’s father’s condition. He simply wanted to see the narrator in person to tell him everything, but he then decided to do it via letter. He explains his reasons for writing the letter citing obligation, as well as a desire to share his past before he dies. Had a sincere recipient like the narrator not existed, however, no one would have ever learned Sensei’s past. 

Sensei invites the narrator into his dark past, offering it as instructive material for the narrator’s own life. He admits to not respecting the narrator’s intellect until he requested to learn more about Sensei’s past. Though Sensei did not share at the time, now that he no longer wishes to live, he hopes to “cut upon [his] heart” for the narrator such that a new “life lodges in” his breast. Sensei explains how he lost his wealthy parents to typhoid at 20, and how Sensei’s mother, dying, asked his uncle to take of him. In and out of fever, however, his mother often forgot what she said—this, Sensei claims, was an early catalyst for the suspicious, analytical nature he would develop later.

Sensei recounts his college days in Tokyo, where he received a generous allowance for books and activities, often feeling indebted to his uncle. Despite their differences—Sensei’s father was a country gentleman and his uncle was worldly—his father loved and respected his brother, and Sensei follows suit. Returning home for the summer, he finds his uncle and his family have moved into Sensei’s home. This doesn’t bother Sensei, however, for having them there, taking care of the house, allows him to live in Tokyo. The summer is mostly enjoyable except for one recurring issue: his uncle and aunt repeatedly press Sensei to marry and inherit his father’s position. Though he sees the rationale, he refuses, as such a prospect seems distant.

Returning to school, Sensei forgets about marriage. When he returns that summer, however, his uncle pesters him again, this time to marry his daughter, Sensei’s cousin. He gives many good reasons for such an arrangement, including Sensei’s father’s prior approval, but Sensei refuses. Having grown up together his cousin is too familiar, and he does not feel any romantic feelings for her. His uncle is unhappy, but Sensei thinks the issue is settled. When he returns the next summer, however, he finds his uncle’s treatment of him has changed, becoming cold and unkind. Visiting his parents’ grave, he experiences an epiphany, which he attributes to his parents: just as a teenager suddenly becomes aware of romantic attraction, Sensei is suddenly aware of his uncle’s deception.

Sensei decides to ask his uncle about the details of his family fortune. However, his uncle avoids him, and Sensei grows suspicious after hearing rumors in town about changes in his business. He finally meets with his uncle and discovers his uncle has cheated him his inheritance. Sensei expresses regret for being so naive, though is glad that he did not marry his cousin, as he would have been cheated either way. He describes how relatives stepped in to help resolve the quarrel, but Sensei didn’t trust them and instead decided to convert his assets to cash, selling his land. Ultimately, he receives only a small portion of his overall fortune, but it was far more than a normal student had.

With his new money, Sensei decides to rent a house and learns of a widow and daughter of a deceased military officer looking for a boarder. He visits, and the widow accepts him, impressed by his university status. Sensei moves into the finest room in the house. It is decorated with flowers and a koto, or harp, decorations which Sensei, with his country taste, finds displeasing. However, when Sensei meets the daughter, Ojosan, who is beautiful and who he suspects is behind the decorations, he falls in love. He listens appreciatively to her inexpert koto playing and learns to love the crude flower arrangements she decorates his room with.

Sensei describes his misanthropic attitude while living as a boarder. Distrustful after his experience with his uncle, he shuts himself off, saying little and analyzing the world around him closely.  Despite this, the widow, Okusan, views Sensei favorably, complimenting his “generous heart.” Though he attributes this to naivete, her attitude allows Sensei to relax, and he comes to befriend her and her daughter. Ojosan often calls on him while studying (which he does poorly, often waiting for her), and when she does not, he calls on her. He often feels uneasy in her presence, as though he were betraying his true self. Ojosan, however, makes efforts to show Sensei that she is no child.

Sensei describes his confusion, and eventual resentment, over Okusan’s treatment of him and her daughter. While she seems to encourage their relationship, she also shows suspicion and guardedness, and Sensei, ever-suspicious, suspects duplicity. To comfort himself, Sensei attributes this inconsistency to stupidity—though he doesn’t believe Ojosan is unintelligent like her mother. He relates his love for her to religious piety and describes how “reason” is “powerless in her presence.” Because of this unspoken dynamic, relations grow strained between the three of them. Gradually, however, Sensei acknowledges that Okusan’s inconsistency is not deception; she is merely being cautious for the sake of propriety. He lets go of his grudge.

Upon reflection, Sensei realizes that Okusan places great trust in him and wonders at the feminine ability to place trust so intuitively.  Eventually, he tells them of his past, and Okusan embraces him as part of their family. Sensei grows suspicious, however, and comes to question her motives: is she just trying to get him to marry her daughter to get his money? He considers the possibility that Ojosan is scheming but cannot rid himself of his intuitive trust of her. Conflicted, he becomes silent and withdrawn. One day, Ojosan has a male visitor. Sensei is bothered, and Okusan and Ojosan laugh at him. He contemplates leaving, as well as asking Ojosan to marry him.

Okusan recommends Sensei buy new clothes. He feels this is unnecessary, but she insists, taking him to go shopping with her and Ojosan. As they walk around town, they receive many stares, and Okusan asks Sensei to give his opinions on Ojosan’s outfits. On Monday, a classmate jokes to Sensei: “When did you get married?” Sensei shares the story back home, and Okusan coyly suggests how annoying the joke must have been. Sensei inquires about Ojosan’s future, with  Okusan revealing she has received offers for marriage. During the conversation, Sensei tries to discern Ojosan’s feelings for him and is happy to discover that she has been looking at the clothes he bought her.

Okusan pointedly asks Sensei for his opinion, and Sensei advises Ojosan to postpone marriage for a while longer. This is the situation when Sensei invites a man into their home—a man who significantly influences Sensei’s pessimistic view of life. Referred to as “K” by Sensei, this man was his childhood friend and accompanies Sensei to university. Sensei holds him in high regard, especially intellectually. Even so, K is dishonest and lies to his wealthy foster family about his intentions of becoming a doctor. In truth, K wants instead to follow the “true way,” a spiritual fad. Sensei supports him in this, but realizes, in doing so, he may share accountability for the outcome. 

K and Sensei enter the same educational department at school. Without guilt, K begins to follow the “true way,” deceptively using his foster parents’ money for his own aims. Over summer vacation, he rents a room in a temple and becomes increasingly priest-like in nature. The next summer he returns home, lying to his foster parents about the nature of his studies. The third summer—when Sensei discovers his uncle’s deception—however, K confesses to his foster parents. They are furious, as are his original parents, and they refuse to continue paying for school. Feeling guilty for his part in the matter, Sensei offers to help, but K refuses him, choosing to take on work.

K works harder than ever, but the situation continues to worsen with his foster family. Eventually, he returns to his original family. They pay off his debt to the foster family, but they otherwise disinherit him as a son. Sensei receives a letter from K’s elder sister’s husband, who is like a mother to K, inquiring after his condition. Sensei assures her he will take care of K. K’s mental state quickly declines, however, and he becomes depressed about what he perceives as unlucky circumstances. Such melancholy is typical of students halfway through university, but K’s is particularly bad. Despite Sensei’s recommendations to relax, K overworks himself, alienating himself and becoming increasingly strange and neurotic.

Sensei, pretending to embrace K’s lifestyle, persuades K to move in with him. Okusan is unhappy about this, but he coerces her to go along with it, explaining his friend’s familial predicament. Unbeknownst to K, Sensei subtly provides financial support to him. K remains indifferent to his new surroundings, though Sensei believes he will warm up. Despite K’s academic intelligence, Sensei believes he has major blind spots. Still, Sensei refrains from openly criticizing K’s ways, knowing him to be stubborn and not wishing to isolate him further. He also asks Okusan and Ojosan to speak to K, but they laugh, citing how unapproachable K is.

Sensei senses contempt from K but knows that K needs to relax and become more human: having lofty ideals is useless if one is not a “worthy man first.” Slowly, K’s heart begins to “thaw” and Sensei is pleased. One day, however, Sensei returns home late to find Ojosan and K chatting in K’s room, with Okusan absent. Having never been left alone with Ojosan, Sensei asks if they were dealing with urgent business. Ojosan laughs, which Sensei dislikes, and she answers no. A week later, Sensei finds the two together again. Ojosan laughs at him again, and Sensei goes to his room without a word. She later calls Sensei a strange person, and Okusan scolds her for this.

Sensei goes for a walk with K, trying to gauge his feelings for Okusan and Ojosan. K seems more interested in his studies than women. Sensei and K pass their exams and debate women’s education; Ojosan is due to graduate in a year, but K, unlike Sensei, thinks her education is worthless. Sensei suggests a holiday trip, but K wants to remain in Tokyo. Hesitant to leave K with Ojosan, Sensei argues, and Okusan has to step in. They ultimately visit Busho and Nato, yet Sensei’s suspicions and jealousy towards K cloud the otherwise pleasant trip. Despite his desire to confess his feelings for Ojosan, Sensei hesitates, uncertain of K’s sentiments and unaccustomed to sharing his emotions with friends.

Sensei’s jealousy intensifies, and he compares himself unfavorably to K. Sensing Sensei is unhappy, K offers to return home, but Sensei insists they travel on. Walking in the midsummer heat, their relationship shifts, and they become akin to two “peddlers who had met by chance on the road.” Sensei and K visit a temple connected to Nichiren, a famous Buddhist, but they get into a fight over their differing levels of interest. K insults Sensei’s lack of spiritual aspirations, and Sensei calls K’s attitude and outlook inhuman. K claims this is only because he has not yet accomplished his goals and Sensei, beginning to feel sorry, stops arguing. Sensei, K adds, would be less critical if he knew more about the history of ascetics.

Walking the next day, Sensei regrets not sharing his true feelings with K instead of arguing. They return to Tokyo, and Sensei notices subtle signs of Okusan’s favoritism of him over K. He is pleased. Several weeks later, however, he finds K and Ojosan in the same room together again. He also notices her being more openly friendly with K. In retrospect, Sensei recognizes such behavior as normal as for two people living in the same house, but at the time it only fuels his jealousy. In November, while out on a walk, he runs into K and Ojosan, who seem to be walking together. When questioned, K claims they met by chance, and Ojosan offers a coy answer and a laugh. In the letter, Sensei writes that he now recognizes his jealousy, but he suggests it is “concomitant” of love.

Sensei debates confessing his love to Okusan, but he hesitates, worrying Ojosan prefers K. Though he isn’t afraid of rejection, he dreads the idea of marrying someone who loves another. As such, Sensei is immobilized by indecision. On New Year’s, Okusan suggests inviting friends for a game, but as K has no friends, and Sensei does not want to, the four of them play. A few days later, Okusan and Ojosan leave to visit a relative and K begins questioning Sensei about Okusan and Ojosan. Confused, Sensei inquires about K’s sudden interest in them, and K confesses his love for Ojosan. Sensei is shocked and says nothing. They eat dinner in silence. 

Back in his room, Sensei regrets not confessing his own love sooner, deeming it too late; to do so now might look contrived. Unsettled, he leaves the house to wander Tokyo aimlessly. Puzzled by K’s uncharacteristic confession, he wonders what overcame his friend and decides to learn more about K. He also recognizes K has become his rival. When Okusan and Ojosan return, Sensei notices no change in their behavior, concluding K has not told them of his love for Ojosan. He decides to be patient and wait for an opportunity to discuss the matter with K. One day walking home from school in September, Sensei asks K who knows that K loves Ojosan. K says only Sensei, but he divulges nothing of his plans. 

Some days later, Sensei visits the university library. K finds him and asks to go for a walk. Sensei agrees, and K asks Sensei what he thinks of him now, now that he’s fallen so deeply in love. The question is out of character for K, and Sensei asks why he seeks his opinion. K reveals how “lost” he feels, but Sensei, seeing him as an opponent, offers him no consolation. Instead, he cruelly points out K’s hypocrisy: to love Ojosan would be to break from the Buddhist “true way,” which requires celibacy. K is tortured by this and asks to stop talking about it, but Sensei drives his point home further, asking K what happened to all of his principles.

K breaks down. Speaking as if in a dream, he asks, “Am I prepared….?” Then: “Why not?” They return home in silence and Sensei feels relieved, confident he has defeated K. K wakes Sensei strangely in the middle of the night, and the next morning he asks if Sensei has “been sleeping well.” Sensei feels uneasy, and begins to ruminate on K’s ominous words, “Am I prepared?” Paranoid, Sensei convinces himself that K plans to do all he can to win over Ojosan. To beat him to it, Sensei feigns sickness to ask Okusan for Ojosan’s hand in marriage. She accepts, and Sensei is immensely relieved, though nervous for her to tell Ojosan. He takes a walk around town, forgetting all about K.

Returning from his walk, Sensei begins to feel guilty, but he says nothing to K. Dinner is awkward and Sensei begins to wonder how to tell K. Several days pass, and Sensei still does not tell K. He begins to contemplate asking Okusan to do it to save face but is wary of revealing his scheming to her and Ojosan. A few days later, Okusan reveals that she has already told K, noting his strange reaction. Sensei feels horrible yet is still unsure whether to confront K about it or not. He decides to decide the next day, but that night K kills himself. Sensei recalls the scene with horror, finding K dead in a pool of blood. 

Sensei finds K’s suicide note and is relieved that it makes no mention of him. In the note, K explains that he killed himself because he had no “hope of ever becoming the firm, resolute person he” wanted to be. He thanks Sensei for his kindness, and he asks Sensei to take care of his affairs. Sensei holds his dead body, unable to cry. He fears the course of his own destiny, which he predicts will be shaped by this event. Sensei returns to his room and waits for morning. Forgetting it’s Sunday, he runs into Okusan in the hallway and tells her what has happened. He apologizes, but she does not understand, and she tells him not to blame himself.

The wife of a soldier, Okusan takes charge, ordering Sensei to fetch the doctor and police. Sensei learns K cut a carotid artery and died instantly. He and Okusan clean the room and move K’s body, then Sensei telegrams K’s family. He returns to find Okusan and Ojosan holding a vigil, crying, and for the first time Sensei feels capable of sadness. K’s father and brother arrive. They defer to Sensei for K’s burial location, and he chooses Zoshigaya so he can visit his grave every month to beg for forgiveness. After the funeral, people ask Sensei why K killed himself. This question tortures Sensei, and he responds with what K wrote in his letter.

Sensei, Ojosan and Okusan move to a new house after the funeral. Two months later, Sensei graduates from university, and six months later, he marries Ojosan. He is happy, but a dark shadow looms over him. After the wedding, Ojosan asks Sensei to visit K’s grave together. They do, but Sensei vows never to do so again. Despite his hopes that marriage might allow him to start over, Sensei is constantly haunted by K’s death. His wife serves as a constant reminder of his betrayal, and he sometimes treats her coldly. He considers telling her the truth, knowing it would relieve her to understand his coldness, but does not want to taint her life with such an ugly memory.

Sensei tries to distract himself with books but is unsuccessful, finding no satisfaction in striving towards an artificial goal. Realizing that he is no better than his uncle, Sensei comes to hate himself, just as he hates the world. He takes up drinking, but it only makes him feel worse, and eventually he stops. He is saddened by the thought that his wife, whom he loves and trusts more than anyone else, does not understand him, and he often feels completely alone. Occasionally, he wonders why K killed himself. At first, he considers love, then clashing principles. Later, however, he considers that K might have simply been lonely like him. He has a premonition that he will follow in K’s path. 

Okusan falls ill and Sensei devotes all his energy to caring for her. For the first time, Sensei feels as though he is of some value to the world. Okusan eventually dies, however, and Sensei is left alone with his wife. She tells him that she now only has him to “turn to,” and she cries when Sensei questions her. He decides to treat her lovingly, and she is pleased, though he senses a lingering uneasiness. From time to time, a “nameless” fear grips Sensei. He considers killing himself but  decides to go on living “as though [he] were dead.” On occasion, Sensei feels an emotional response to the outside world, but his heart quickly shuts down at the instruction from an inner voice.

Sensei explains that, as humdrum as his life seemed, he experienced constant pain and struggle. He attempted several times to kill himself, but he always stops out of consideration for his wife. The thought of her living alone pains him, but so does the thought of her living with him and sharing his miserable destiny. When Emperor Meiji passes, Sensei feels as though the Meiji era has ended, leaving him and his generation as “anachronisms.”  His wife jokingly suggests he commit junshi—the act of following one’s emperor to the grave—and Sensei jokes back he will, but in the name of the era, not the emperor. On the night of the Imperial Funeral, Sensei begins to take seriously the concept of junshi, feeling as though his era has ended. A few days later, he decides to die by suicide.

Sensei acknowledges that the narrator might not understand such a decision, and he attributes it to the differing beliefs of their generations. He explains that he will kill himself while his wife is away, so she thinks he died suddenly, “without reason.” He then explains that he has spent the last 10 days of his life writing this letter, expressing hope that will it help the narrator understand humanity better. Being the only person who can tell his story, he does not believe his efforts to do so have been “entirely purposeless.” Now, however, Sensei has nothing left to do and explains he will be dead by the time the letter reaches the narrator. He wants his life to serve as an example to others, both the good and the bad parts of his life. The only exception is Sensei’s wife, and he asks the narrator to keep his story a secret until after she is dead.