Life as We Knew It

June 2. At school Miranda learns that finals have been cancelled. They’ll be learning their final grades the next day and if they want to bring them up, they can talk to teachers about extra credit. Miranda worries about Sammi, who had been failing French and planning to bring her grade up with her final, but then realizes Sammi probably won’t care, because no one seems to. School will close on June 10, and reopen August 31st.

June 3. For lunch, the school serves each student a stale peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s common knowledge that the schools are closing early because they’ve run out of food. Miranda knows she shouldn’t complain, since due to her mother’s pantry stockpiles she’s eating better than most. She sits with Sammi, Megan, Dave, Brian, and Jenna. Everyone but Megan eats their sandwich quickly, but Megan nibbles at one half and then asks who wants the other. She selects Dave and gives it to him. Miranda is bothered by this exchange.

June 4. Miranda is pleased with all of her grades except for math—when she brings this up to Laura to ask if she should try for extra credit, Laura asks her “What’s the point?” This question leaves Miranda reeling. She seeks out Matt and asks him if their mom thinks they’re going to die. She wants him to laugh, but instead he’s silent for a long time and then says that she and he are both concerned. He elaborates that with the canned goods and garden, they aren’t worried about starving to death, but that they don’t expect things to be back to normal until the fall, give or take.

Miranda asks Matt not to treat her like a kid and explain what he and Laura are worried about. He shares that her current top concern is Jonny’s baseball camp. Laura wants Jonny to have a normal, childhood summer—plus, if he’s away at camp, she won’t need to feed him. Laura has already cut down on her meals, skipping breakfast and lunch unless Matt forces her to eat.

Matt reassures Miranda that if things go back to normal then colleges will understand why she had a lower math grade this semester. When she presses him, he adds that if they don’t go back to normal, her grades will be irrelevant. He makes her promise not to tell Laura about their conversation, and not to start skipping meals because “We need you to be strong.” Miranda worries that she’s not strong or good enough—and wonders if she’d give up food for Jonny like Megan had at lunch the day before.

June 5. Mrs. Nesbitt stops by with eggs that a former student had given her. Laura sautés them with potatoes and onions and they all share. Matt contributes a chocolate bar he found in his backpack. After supper they sing and Mrs. Nesbitt tells stories about when Laura was little. Miranda says it almost feels like happiness.

June 6. At school Megan again gives away the second half of her sandwich, this time to Sammi. Miranda is concerned, but when she questions Megan, Megan responds, “God sustains me. Food doesn’t.” They fight, as Miranda tries to convince Megan that she’s taking her religion to an extreme, and begs her to eat. Instead, Megan makes judgmental comments about Miranda’s need for divine forgiveness. The argument ends with Megan walking away to join her church friends.

June 7. Miranda dreams of her friend Becky who has passed away. In the dream, Becky is standing on the other side of a locked gate. She looks healthy again, and tells Miranda she’s in heaven. When Miranda asks to be let in, Becky laughs and says that she can’t. Miranda asks if Megan is keeping her out, and Becky says it’s because she’s not dead—and not good enough to be dead. Miranda wakes up shaken, as she remembers how desperate she’d felt to die so she could enter heaven.

At school they’re wasting time; the teachers barely attempt lessons. School’s value comes from the rumors and news that spread among the students—today Miranda hears about a secret Dairy Queen that’s still operating, that electricity is gone forever, that solar power is being perfected, and that they’ll all be dead by Christmas. The other benefit of school is lunch—today Megan tears her sandwich in half and winks as she gives a piece to Sammi and Michael.

June 8. Miranda has started to feel numb. She doesn’t want to know about what’s happening in other states or countries. She can’t bring herself to care about people outside her immediate sphere. She judges herself for this because she thinks everyone else in her life does care, but she’s reached her saturation point for fear. And she worries that her diary is going to be “a record of death.”

June 9. On the second to last day of school Miranda is given a flyer about a donation drive for people in New Jersey and New York. While Miranda likes the idea of helping people—the idea of people being worse off than she is—Laura tears up the flyer and vehemently states they won’t be donating. Miranda is shocked because her mother has always been very altruistic, but Laura insists they don’t know what they’ll need that winter if they can’t get heating oil. Miranda argues that things have to be back to normal by winter, but Laura doesn’t budge.

Miranda seeks out Matt to ask about heating oil. She learns that they haven’t been able to get any, and they expect to run out by fall if the reserves aren’t restored. The fuel companies have all stated that they don’t know if they’ll be able to promise any fuel this winter. Matt says they’re luckier than most because they have a woodstove, which will heat their sunroom. Miranda finds the conversation absurd, because it’s early June and eighty-five degrees out—and no one can predict what winter will be like. Matt makes her promise not to tell Jonny about the conversation. Miranda ends the journal entry by telling how she went in the linen closet to count their blankets—and then stood outside until she felt warm enough to stop shivering.