Long Way Down

Even though there are three people smoking in the elevator, the smoke doesn’t block the door this time. Will knows this doesn’t make sense, and he asks the reader to stick with him. As the door slides open, Will recognizes Pop immediately—he’s been waiting for Pop since he was three years old. Pop steps into the elevator, stares at Will for a moment, and then envelops him in a hug. Will wonders if it’s possible for a hug to dissolve or peel back time, or the parts of one’s soul that bleed. After letting Will go, Pop shakes Uncle Mark’s hand and hugs him. The only sounds are those of hands touching and of backs being patted.

Will doesn’t remember Pop. Shawn would try to get Will to remember Pop dressing up like Michael Jackson for Halloween and trying to moonwalk in the elevator; he insisted that Will laughed so hard he farted and wet himself. Will still doesn’t remember, even though he wants to. According to Will’s mother, Pop died of a broken heart. As a kid, Will always thought that Pop’s heart was literally broken, like a toy or like the middle drawer. Shawn, however, said that Pop died for killing the man who killed Uncle Mark. A man approached Pop at a payphone, asked him if he knew a man named Gee, and shot him.

Will used to ask Shawn how he knew everything about Pop’s death. Shawn always said he heard it from Buck, since Pop died on Buck’s corner. At that point, 16-year-old Buck started looking out for seven-year-old Shawn. Will remembers none of this. Now, in the elevator, Pop greets Will. His voice is unfamiliar, but it’s what Will always thought Shawn would sound like someday. Pop asks how Will has been, and Will replies that he’s okay. Will thinks it’s weird talking to his dad like a stranger and wonders how he’s supposed to make small talk with Pop—the idea of a father is completely foreign Will. He wants to tell Pop everything about Shawn, his mother, and the Rules, but he holds back because Buck, Dani, and Uncle Mark have warm, odd looks on their faces.

Pop tells Will that he already knows. Will can hear the sadness and love in Pop’s voice. Will chokes back tears and admits that he doesn’t know what to do, wiping his face so he doesn’t cry. Will vows to never cry in front of Pop, Dani, or anyone else. Pop asks Will what he thinks he should do. Will says he should follow the Rules, just like Pop did. Pop and Uncle Mark exchange a look as Uncle Mark asks if Will has ever heard Pop’s story. Will says that Pop was killed at a payphone. Pop looks worried, seems to deliberate for a moment, and then says that that’s not the story he means. He says Will doesn’t know.

Pop says that after Uncle Mark died, his heart was shattered. Will and Shawn were little, and Pop didn’t feel like a father or a husband when he was grieving—but he didn’t cry, didn’t snitch, and knew to follow the Rules. So that night, Pop walked to where Mark hung out and waited until a man arrived and sold someone else drugs. Pop knew that man killed Mark, so he pulled his hood up and started shooting. The man went down, but Pop says he shot him again because he was so angry. Something had gotten into Pop, Will thinks—it must’ve been what his mother calls the “nighttime.”

Pop raced the long way home and got rid of his gun. Back at home, Pop says he took a hot shower. He couldn’t kiss Will’s mother, or Will and Shawn. Pop sat in the bathtub and felt like the porcelain kept him from falling asleep and having nightmares. Will insists that Pop did what he had to do—he already knows this story, and the Rules are law in their neighborhood. Uncle Mark and Pop look at Will. There’s some combination of guilt and grief in their eyes, which makes sense when Pop admits that he killed the wrong guy.

Confused, Will asks if Pop didn’t kill Gee. Pop says he killed Gee, but Gee didn’t kill Uncle Mark—he was involved with Mark’s killer, but was just a kid trying to make money. With a stutter, Will asks why Pop killed him then. In a trembling voice, Pop says that he didn’t know Gee wasn’t the right guy. He was sure that Gee killed Mark—he had to be. Will leans next to Dani, thinking that Pop isn’t the patient, precise father he imagined; the Pop in his mind didn’t shoot people randomly. Will is disappointed that he’s been missing someone who messed up. Pop stares back at Will, but Will can’t tell what he’s thinking. He wonders if he’s just what Pop imagined, and if that disappoints Pop.

Will thinks of how he used to see kids on playgrounds stand on their dads’ feet. The dads would walk with their kids on their feet, and the kids had to trust that their dads would take them to the right place. Pop takes the first step forward, and he and Will meet in the middle of the elevator and hug again. Will tries to forget all of his confusion and lose himself in this feeling of being embraced by his father. But suddenly, Pop pulls the gun from Will’s waistband and puts it to Will’s head.

Will shrieks and asks what Pop is doing. A single tear falls down Pop’s cheek (which, according to Will, doesn’t really count as crying). Will’s chest seems to crush him as Pop cocks the gun. To Will, this sounds like a door closing. Will calls for help, but he can’t see anyone else in the elevator or even smell their cigarette smoke. Suddenly it’s just Will and Pop, and Will thinks they’re both losing their minds. Pop stands over Will. It’s the first time Will has had a gun to his head or been this close to death. He can’t believe that Pop is the one holding the gun.

Will allows that he should’ve been wondering whether Pop could actually shoot him, since the version of Pop in the elevator isn’t real. But their hugs were real, and the gun is real—there’s a bullet in the gun for every year of Will’s life. Will’s stomach hurts and he feels himself splitting apart. He wets himself and suddenly he can smell cigarettes and urine. Pop uncocks the gun, hugs Will, and puts the gun back into Will’s waistband.

Will screams, pushing Pop away. He’s wet and feels weak and childish. Pop leans against the wall and stares up until Uncle Mark approaches him and offers him the extra cigarette. Pop stares at Will as he puts the cigarette in his mouth. Buck steps forward with a match as Will steps into the corner, wishing the elevator would get to the lobby and that everything could hurry up. Buck lights a match and the elevator stops.