Long Way Down

Will has just an instant to put the gun back in his waistband, turn around, and try to look normal before a girl steps into the elevator. The girl is beautiful and looks about Will’s age. She’s wearing a flower dress, light makeup, and perfume that cuts through the cigarette smoke. The girl checks to see that the L button is lit while Will looks her up and down and tries to see up her skirt. When he leans back, however, the gun digs into his back and makes him wince, exposing his attempt for what it is.

The girl turns to Buck and sarcastically says that she didn’t know smoking was legal in elevators. Will is disturbed that the girl might be able to see Buck and wonders if she thinks Will is the one who’s been smoking. Buck makes faces at Will. The girl confirms that she can see the smoke, and points at Buck while fanning her face. The girl says she didn’t know guns were allowed on elevators, either, which makes Will panic. Will doesn’t know how the girl can see Buck, since he thought the man was a figment of his imagination. Now, Will knows this is real. Will is sure the reader must think he’s nuts—maybe he is, but he swears this is true. He fans the smoke and stares at Buck, who leans back and takes a drag of his cigarette; the ash doesn’t fall off the end.

The girl touches Will’s hand. Under normal circumstances, Will knows he’d take this opportunity to flirt or act like Shawn. However, Will knows that his impression of Shawn is just Shawn’s impression of Buck. Since Buck’s ghost is in the elevator, Will doesn’t flirt, and he thinks it’s hard to think about killing and kissing at the same time. The girl asks why Will needs “it.” Will tries to act confused, but she clarifies that she means the gun. Will says coolly that that’s not something to ask a stranger, and the girl agrees.

The girl puts a hand on Will’s shoulder so he can smell her perfume and says she does know Will. Will is excited—he doesn’t want to flirt in front of a ghost, but they won’t be on the elevator forever. Plus, he remembers Shawn saying that if a girl says she knows you, that means she’s been watching you. Will figures that Buck taught Shawn this, and hopes it’s true. Will asks the girl where she knows him. She smiles and says she knows him from the playground monkey bars. Will thinks she’s joking and says he’s not a monkey, but the girl tells him she’s serious. When Will says he’s too old to be at playgrounds, the girl tells Will that she knew him when he was little.

The girl opens her purse, pulls out her wallet, and shows Will a photo the way white people in movies do to show off their kids. The photo is of Will and Dani at eight years old: Will is wearing Shawn’s hand-me-downs: Dani is wearing a flower dress and shorts. In the photo, Dani hangs upside-down on the monkey bars with her tongue out. The sun is in Will’s eyes, but the sun seems to come from Dani’s eyes. The girl in the elevator asks Will if he remembers and snaps her wallet shut. Will says he does, and that it was one of the best and worst days of his life—but he wonders how the girl knew Dani. The girl pauses and asks Will if he remembers that she kissed him.

Will’s eyes go wide and he asks, “Dani?” He realizes this girl is Dani, in the same flower dress from the photo. Her face is older, but still looks much the same as it did back then. Will says he remembers things, but then he can’t continue. Dani finishes his sentence for him and says, “gunshots.” Dani recalls how gunshots came from everywhere, and that her body felt like it was burning. She wanted to jump and swing away to somewhere else, just like they pretended they could do on the monkey bars. Buck quips that he wants to throw up. Will remembers Shawn screaming to get down. Shawn had laid on Will and Dani to protect them, and Will remembers staring at Dani as she died. Her mouth was open and he could see blood.

Sometimes, Will feels like God is showing off pictures of his children from his wallet—since the world doesn’t want to see the kids, God just puts his pictures away. Will confesses that when he learned Dani was dead, he cried all night. The next morning, Shawn taught him the first Rule: no crying. Will tells the reader that he never felt that way before Dani died. The morning after Shawn taught Will the first Rule, Will stood in the shower and felt like he wanted to scratch his skin off or punch something so that there could be a hole in something else. He offers the anagram “feel=flee.”

Will awkwardly tells Dani that it’s good to see her, which he means wholeheartedly. He thinks that she would’ve grown up gorgeous had she lived. With a grin, Dani says it’s good to see Will too, but he still hasn’t answered her: why does he need a gun? Will’s face hardens as he tells her Shawn was killed. When Dani asks who did it, Will snaps that Dani should know, but Dani asks Will to tell her himself anyway. Will says he thinks Carlson Riggs of the Dark Suns did it—it had to be him.

Dani died before she learned the Rules. Will explains them to her now so that she won’t think he’s out to get someone for no reason. He wants her to know that he has a purpose—this is about family. Had Will known the Rules when Dani died, he would’ve avenged her death as well. Dani asks Will what will happen if he misses. Will says he won’t, but Dani persists and questions how he knows he won’t miss. She asks if Will has ever shot a gun. Will says it doesn’t matter, and repeats that it doesn’t matter to himself. Dani is disappointed and puts her hands to her face as though she’s trying to wipe away her worry, which Will doesn’t think she’ll be able to do.

Will turns to Buck, hoping he’ll say something that will help. Instead, Buck merely pulls out his cigarettes and offers one to Dani. She takes one and thanks Buck. Will asks if Dani smokes; in response, Dani asks if Will shoots. She places the cigarette in her mouth and leans forward for Buck’s match. As Buck strikes the match, the elevator stops.