Looking for Alibrandi

After a few weeks, Josie settles in at Michael’s law firm. She’s thrilled to be done with McDonald’s. She’s seen Jacob a few times in passing, but her biggest worry now is John. Josie runs into him outside the library one afternoon and invites him to have coffee. He seems unsettled, skinny, and possibly on drugs. As they sit at the café in silence, Josie realizes she’s not as attracted to John as she once was. Finally, he blurts out that he hates “this shit life.” John explains that his father opened his mail and found out that John didn’t win a math competition and now, his father is so disappointed. Josie assures John that John’s father loves him, but John says his father only loves him when John is winning.

John admits that he doesn’t want to study law—but his father would kill him for that. Josie assures John that he can be anything he wants, but John says he doesn’t know what he wants to do. He does think, though, that he doesn’t want to live anymore. Josie is confused at first but then, her eyes go wide. She wonders for a moment if John is right and life is useless. But Josie realizes she likes her “useless existence.” Josie notes that according to Father Stephen, “peace is a state of mind.” John explains he’s an atheist, and Josie doesn’t know what to say—she’s never talked to an atheist before. She tries to make jokes and wishes she were hanging out with uncomplicated Jacob instead.

Josie realizes her horrible date with Jacob was her fault as much as Jacob’s. She turns back to John and says that at her school, HSC students are supposed to write down how they feel and give their writing to a trusted person. After the HSC tests, that person is supposed to ask if you still feel how you did when you wrote the letter. Josie asks if she can give John her paper, and John agrees to write something for Josie. They spend the afternoon writing and then seal their papers with tape. Josie is nervous; she feels like she’s letting John see her soul. When she gets home, she puts John’s papers in her jewelry box. She feels guilty: compared to John, Josie’s lucky.

The next Friday, it’s confession at school. This happens once per term. Josie’s sins are always the same (she’s lazy, selfish, and rude to Mama and Nonna), and Father Stephen even recognizes Josie by her sins. Josie admires Father Stephen. He surfs, has arranged AIDS talks, and has earned the love of St. Martha’s students. As Josie waits for Sera to finish confession, she wonders if Sera is telling Father Stephen about all the sex she’s having. Sera likes to pester Josie by noting that people will talk if Josie has sex and ends up like Mama, but Josie’s getting better at ignoring her and taking pride in her Italian community.

But still, the community is nosy. Josie realizes she wants to be “rich and influential” so that she can show the Italians that she can make something of herself, no matter where she came from. Mama is silly for telling Josie to try to earn people’s respect—as Josie sees it, she always has to respect “the wrong people for the wrong reasons.”