Looking for Alibrandi

After a week, Josie realizes she’s not angry at Nonna anymore. She thinks it’s funny, because she’s spent all of high school concerned about what people are saying about her. But now, she’s starting to doubt that anyone actually cares much about what she does. Mama and Michael don’t seem to care what other people think, and Nonna has no right to care. Jacob loves Josie for who she is, as does John, and Lee and Anna are good friends. Josie figures that all the important people love her no matter what, so it’s not worth caring about the gossips.

However, Josie is still a bit angry with Nonna. She’s angry that Nonna lived a lie and couldn’t have a relationship with Mama because of that. Nonna’s made herself out to be the victim her whole life—but really, Mama is the victim. Josie realizes how she really feels suddenly one afternoon, as she, Anna, Lee, and Sera wait for a bus. Sera quips that Michael’s job is “respectable”; people would talk if he was “just a laborer.” Josie says her community wouldn’t care and tells her friends to go on without her. She walks toward the city, crying—but she cries because she’s starting to feel free.

Josie takes a bus to Nonna’s place. On the ride, she realizes it’s silly to think that old people aren’t passionate and sexual—one day, Josie’s grandkids will be disgusted that she had sex as a young person. When she gets to Nonna’s house and Nonna answers, Josie hugs her. In the living room, Josie asks Nonna why she slept with Marcus Sandford. Nonna explains that she was young and beautiful, but Nonno treated her like a farm animal. Marcus made her feel special.

Josie sobs again and, when she regains her composure, asks what happened. Nonna says that Marcus visited and brought a letter. She’d already asked him not to visit, but Marcus touched her face and offered to take Nonna away from her horrible life. Josie notices how anguished Nonna looks recounting this story. Nonna says she pushed Marcus away, but then she stopped fighting. She realized that she wasn’t fighting him—she was fighting herself. It didn’t seem worth it to keep fighting her desires when Nonno was never going to make her happy.

Nonna looks away. With tears in her eyes, she says that Marcus treated her carefully and gently. He loved her—and Nonna says she was enraged because after the first time, she realized how poorly Nonno treated her in bed. They spent two months together, and Marcus begged her to leave Nonno. But Nonna says she couldn’t. She was Italian and couldn’t disgrace her family—and people were already talking. So she stayed with Nonno. Josie doesn’t understand why Nonna didn’t leave Nonno. Nonna says it was different back then. Today, you can get a divorce for anything. Back then, though, marriage was for life, no matter what happened.

Nonna says she knew she was pregnant before she got to Sydney and decided to say the baby was premature. She told Nonno she was pregnant, expecting him to be thrilled after 10 years of trying. Instead, he hit her, and Nonna was afraid for her life. She learned then that Nonno had had mumps as a child and knew he couldn’t have children. He’d lied to her when they got married, knowing that she wanted to have babies. Nonna was furious and hit him in return. Josie, confused, asks why Nonna didn’t leave. Nonna sighs that people are cruel, and Mama would’ve suffered most of all had Nonna married Marcus. Mama wouldn’t have fit in with Italians or Australians.

Nonna explains that Nonno agreed to raise Mama as his own, provided that Nonna didn’t embarrass him anymore. Josie says that both Nonna and Mama paid for it. She would’ve left. Nonna says that one day, when Josie has children, she’ll understand what sacrifice is, but Josie asks how Nonna could stand never seeing Marcus again. Nonna says that she sees Marcus every time she looks at Mama.

Josie says she wishes Nonna would tell Mama the truth. Nonna explains that when Mama got pregnant, she saw the same hateful look in Nonno’s eyes. She knew helping Mama would backfire, so she allowed Nonno to kick Mama out. She consistently backed Nonno up when he mistreated Mama, waiting for God to punish her. Nonna says her years without Mama and Josie were her punishment—and now, things will never be okay. Josie sobs that Mama loves Nonna, but Mama just doesn’t understand why Nonna treats her the way she does.

Josie stays the night with Nonna. She realizes now that she barely knows Nonna—Nonna didn’t follow the rules, didn’t worry about the gossips, and took chances. This is why Mama is alive in the first place. It’s a scary thought that Mama wouldn’t be here if Nonna had followed the rules. Josie promises to keep Nonna’s secret, and she asks Nonna to let Michael into her home again. That night, Josie cries and prays. She knows that two of the strongest women in the world love her.