Love, Aubrey

When Aubrey wakes one morning, she can feel the freezing cold air drifting in through the window. Gram comes upstairs a while later to urge Aubrey to get up—it’s nearly noon! She laughs at her southern granddaughter’s struggle to handle the cold Vermont winter. After a pause, Aubrey asks Gram if she made any new year’s resolutions. Gram says she hasn’t. Aubrey says she hasn’t either—but she’s lying, and she figures Gram is lying too. In fact, Aubrey has resolved not to think about Mom anymore. 

When Aubrey goes to see Bridget one day, Bridget’s mom tells her that Bridget is having what Bridget’s mom calls a “sleepy day.” She’s on the couch watching movies. Aubrey finds Bridget on the couch and asks if she’s feeling sick. Bridget says she’s fine, but she “just feel[s] like lying around.” Aubrey understands. They sit together for a while. After some urging from Aubrey, Bridget agrees to play a board game. Aubrey is thankful for the distraction.

Later, back at Gram’s, Aubrey wakes from a dream about Mom. “I need to see her,” Aubrey hears Mom say—except this isn’t a dream. Mom is actually here. Aubrey jumps out of bed and runs from her room. Out of sight, she listens to Gram insist that it’s too late in the night to see Aubrey. And Mom can’t just decide to pick things up as they were before all this happened; Aubrey has just started to have some stability back in her life, and Gram will ensure that she keeps it.

When Mom doesn’t respond, Gram shouts, “You left her!” Mom’s voice cracks as she tries to explain that she didn’t know what she was doing then. She knows she messed up. Aubrey wishes Gram would be kinder to Mom. Mom’s voice gets more animated. She nearly shouts for Gram to let her see Aubrey. Aubrey wishes Mom wouldn’t yell at Gram either.

Unable to stay hidden any longer, Aubrey runs downstairs. Gram looks on, furious, as Mom and Aubrey approach each other. Mom’s eyes are wet. Her once-long hair is cut short and jagged. Aubrey sees Mom look at her scar. “Baby,” Mom says, pulling Aubrey into a hug. But Mom doesn’t smell how Aubrey remembers she used to; she “smell[s] stale and smoky.” Aubrey starts to cry, and Gram pulls her away from Mom, instructing her to go back upstairs.

In the morning, Gram wakes Aubrey for school. She tells her Mom is sleeping—she’ll be here when Aubrey gets back. She and Gram are going to talk while Aubrey is away at school. Aubrey obeys Gram and gets ready for school. At the bus stop a bit later, Aubrey greets Bridget and says simply, “My mom’s here.”

The school day passes impossibly slowly, but at last Aubrey returns to Gram’s. Dad’s old car is still in the driveway. Aubrey walks inside Gram’s and finds Gram and Mom sitting on the bed upstairs, holding hands and talking. They stop when they see Aubrey. Gram whispers that she’ll call Aubrey down later for dinner and homework. Aubrey walks slowly to Mom and asks what she and Gram were talking about, but Mom is evasive. Aubrey asks how Mom is feeling, and Mom explains that she feels “stuck” and lost in the aftermath of the accident. Silently, Aubrey considers how she herself was once stuck, back when she was living alone at the house. But then Gram came to get her, and she got unstuck. Aubrey promises Mom that she can get better, too. Inwardly, though, Aubrey acknowledges that when she got “unstuck,” it was without Mom.

Gram returns later to fetch Aubrey for dinner; she says she brought Mom’s supper to Mom’s room. Downstairs, Aubrey thanks Gram for dinner, noting how delicious everything smells. Gram thanks her. Inwardly, Aubrey wonders if her life here is over now that Mom has come back. Will she go back to Virginia now, to living in “a lonely, sad house [with] an empty fridge?”

At her meeting with Amy the next day, Aubrey tells her about Mom’s return. Amy asks Aubrey how she feels about it, and Aubrey is evasive. She asks if it means she’ll have to leave Gram’s. Amy understands—and she’d understand if Aubrey felt torn between wanting to stay at Gram’s and wanting to be with Mom. Inwardly, Aubrey worries that she won’t be enough to make Mom happy. Before she can respond to Amy, Aubrey—who has been compulsively snacking on M&Ms—says she’s going to be sick. Amy rushes her to the garbage can, but nothing happens.

When Aubrey returns to Gram’s later, she goes straight upstairs to Mom’s room. Mom is there, and she asks Aubrey how her day was. Aubrey describes the day’s events: a pop quiz, sitting with Marcus at lunch, Bridget suddenly not being into Christian anymore, apparently. As Aubrey talks, Mom holds her close, breathing in the scent of Aubrey’s hair. Aubrey says it smells like Gram’s shampoo. After a pause, Aubrey asks Mom why she didn’t come on Christmas. Mom says Christmas was just too hard. Today, a normal day, is a little easier. Aubrey asks a second question: “Did you love Savannah more than me?” Mom denies this vehemently, breaking into sobs. Has Aubrey thought this the whole time? Aubrey doesn’t respond.

When Mom says, “I lost them for you,” Aubrey insists the wreck wasn’t Mom’s fault. When Gram comes to fetch Aubrey for dinner, Aubrey invites Mom to join them. It’s the first time she’s eaten with Mom since the accident. Aubrey thinks Mom must realize this, too. But, “the food tasted good and sweet and warm.” 

Aubrey starts spending time with Mom every day, showing Mom her homework and telling her about her friends and school. She introduces Mom to Sammy and eventually Mom starts meeting Aubrey downstairs. One night Bridget brings over Monopoly to play together. Another night, Mom makes dinner. Two weeks later, the January weather is unusually warm, and Mom and Aubrey go outside to sit on the porch swing. Mom tells Aubrey she’s going to return to Virginia in a few days. She and Gram think it’s best that Aubrey stays here awhile longer—and that Mom has some more time to see a doctor, get better, and hold down a job. Aubrey accepts this; she knows that though Mom is getting better, she has a ways to go.

When the day comes for Mom to leave, she tells Aubrey she’ll see her soon. “Really soon,” Aubrey says. Mom drives away, and Aubrey starts to cry. But then Bridget is there, and she asks if Aubrey wants to come over and play. Gram says yes, and the girls go off together, elbows linked.