Make Your Home Among Strangers

by

Jennine Capó Crucet

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Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) Character Analysis

Lourdes Ramirez is Lizet and Leidy’s mother and Ricky’s wife. Lourdes, devastated by Lizet’s departure for college and her husband’s abandonment, seeks to fill the void left in her life by throwing herself into the Ariel Hernandez affair, showing up to protests, rallies, and vigils day in and day out and slowly working her way into the Hernandez’s inner circle, often through deceit. As Lizet and Leidy watch Lourdes become increasingly absorbed in Ariel’s case—and drift further and further from the truth of her own life as well as her allegiance to her own family—they become concerned about her mental well-being. Lizet and Leidy are mystified by Lourdes’s ability to worm her way into the lives of the Hernandez family, especially Caridaylis, Ariel’s cousin and primary caretaker in America. Ultimately, Lourdes’s involvement in the Ariel Hernandez affair is an attempt—conscious or unconscious—to mitigate her profound sense of emotional isolation by losing herself in a narrative that is not her own.

Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) Quotes in Make Your Home Among Strangers

The Make Your Home Among Strangers quotes below are all either spoken by Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) or refer to Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother). For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
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). Note: all page numbers and citation info for the quotes below refer to the Picador edition of Make Your Home Among Strangers published in 2015.
Chapter 15 Quotes

I was exhausted and very near tears, actually. I was shocked to find that it did not feel good to be home, to have seen her standing there in the airport. The entire three hours of the last flight, though I’d been nervous about seeing her, I mostly felt very happy to be getting away from Rawlings and that first semester. But spotting her before she saw me in the terminal—in that fake gold outfit, her face oily, her hands fidgeting with the rings on her fingers—had made my stomach turn […] I'd seen my mother in that moment as not my mother; I saw her as a tacky-looking woman, as the Cuban lady the girls on my floor would've seen, alone in an airport. And I did not like that I suddenly had this ability to see her that way, isolated from our shared history.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother)
Page Number: 139
Explanation and Analysis:

As much as I was ashamed of my hearing results, by what that long letter stated the committee had decided—that I was the product of a poor environment—I willingly took it: I wanted to be at Rawlings, and I was grateful that they'd taken my background into consideration. I wanted to rise—I used exactly that word in the thank-you e-mail I wrote to the committee after printing out the resource list—to rise above what I'd come from. I'd felt sick as I typed it, felt like a traitor after I hit send, but now at the clash of my mom's bangles as she turned the steering wheel to cut off a car in retaliation for them cutting her off moments before—all the while lowering her window, her arm extending out, then her middle finger at the end of that arm, waving a fuck you as she yelled the same phrase in Spanish at the driver—I knew I'd meant it.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) (speaker)
Page Number: 139-140
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 20 Quotes

—You don't know shit about sacrifice. You don't know shit about shit!

—Zoila's right, you only care about Ariel because what else do you have going on?

She shoved me again and the room spun […]she was letting me fall. So I reached back instead and caught myself, slid my hands against the sandpaper of the wall, pressed my spine against it and sank to the ground, my butt hitting the floor too fast and too hard.

—You can go to whatever college for as long as you want, but about some things, you'll always be fucking stupid, she said.

She tossed the paper at me on the floor and said, You think you have problems? You, your sister, your idiot tía out there? You made your problems.

She turned her back to me and walked out of the room, screaming as she left, Nobody has any idea what Ariel and Caridaylis are going through right this second, but I do. I know what it means to lose so much. None of you know shit because you haven't sacrificed shit for anyone. Selfish pigs, that's what you and your sister are.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) (speaker), Leidy Ramirez, Caridaylis, Zoila
Related Symbols: Ariel Hernandez
Page Number: 201
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 23 Quotes

Her version of our life made me more Cuban than I technically was, degrees of Cuban-ness being something I'd never thought about until Rawlings, until the Where Was I From From question. Mami's invented version made me a more authentic Cuban, and part of me wanted to hear her tell it. I wanted to see how she pulled it off—if she had to convince herself before she could convince anyone else, or if just saying something and having people believe it could make it real.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother)
Related Symbols: Ariel Hernandez
Page Number: 229
Explanation and Analysis:

[…] Did you see that? There’s something so special in her. God bless her, she is trying so hard.

[…] My mom knew I was the first student from Hialeah Lakes to go to Rawlings even though she never acknowledged it. In the grand scheme of human achievement, I recognize this is not a big deal, but still, when I eventually showed Mami the acceptance letter and pointed out the handwritten note near the bottom stating I was the first, she’d said, Maybe you’re just the first one who ever applied? […]

—Mom, I said. It's not the first time someone’s taken care of a kid. I mean, I get it, but it's not like what she’s doing is actually that hard. She's – she's a glorified babysitter.

She released my arm, almost threw it back at me. Her now-shut mouth, the way she rolled her shoulders to push out her chest, the ugly flash of a tendon in her neck: I knew then this was the wrong thing to say. I didn't even really believe it, but I needed to say it to her. I was trying hard. What I was doing was fucking hard. My mom stared at me so long that her eyes seemed to shake in her head.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) (speaker), Caridaylis
Related Symbols: Ariel Hernandez
Page Number: 239
Explanation and Analysis:

Mostly I was disappointed in Leidy and Omar for not recognizing what was really going on with Mami: she was becoming her own person finally, trying to learn who that even was via a newfound passion. So maybe she’d retrofitted the circumstances of her life to fit in to her new surroundings. So what? I of all people couldn't fault my mom for having the wherewithal to adapt her behavior, for being a creature thrust into a new environment and doing perhaps exactly what it took to survive there.

Page Number: 241-242
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 30 Quotes

I slapped my own chest and yelled, Why don't you watch the news and figure it out yourself like I did?

—That’s why you're mad at me? EI, what the fuck were you gonna do from up there?

I pointed at him and said, Exactly, Omar! That right there, what you just said? That's exactly why I'm here. To fucking do something since you and Leidy obviously didn't.

—Oh! Okay yeah, he yelled. So now you know how to handle everything, huh? You got it all figured out, don't you. You think you're so fucking smart.

He threw the car in reverse, shook his head as he turned the wheel. I'd made it halfway up the concrete leading to my dad's door when Omar lowered the passenger-side window and yelled my name, made me stop.

—Whose fault is it that you weren't here, huh? Maybe you need to think about that.

Related Characters: Lizet Ramirez (speaker), Omar (speaker), Leidy Ramirez, Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother)
Related Symbols: Ariel Hernandez
Page Number: 310
Explanation and Analysis:

—We get the news, you know, up there […] do you have any idea how the rest of the country is seeing this? I'm tired of it. We look like a bunch of crazy people.

—What's with this we crap? he said. I'm not with her, you're not even here.

—We as in Cubans, I said. He smiled with only one side of his mouth. He laughed again.

—You're not Cuban, he said. This hurt me more than anything else he could've said—more than Who cares what anyone up there thinks, more than Like there’s anything coming down here is gonna do—and I think he saw it in my face, saw how impossible what he’d just said sounded to me.

—Don't look at me like that! he said. You're American. I'm wrong?

[…]

—Yeah, I said. I'm—what do you mean I'm not Cuban? I was born here, yeah, but I'm Cuban. I'm Latina at least, I said.

—Latinos are Mexicans, Central Americans. You're not that either he said.

—What? Dad, are you—other people think I'm Cuban.

He stood up from the bed and moved out through the door, leaving me alone as he said, Okay, sure you are. Whatever you say, Lizet.

Related Symbols: Ariel Hernandez
Page Number: 314
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 36 Quotes

I already know what each would say should I ever have to tell them about an upcoming research trip to Cuba: my dad would talk about being a little disappointed in me, about the unfairness of me being able to travel to a country he can't enter, but he'd mostly not say anything, only leave me guessing at his meaning […]; my mother would bring out familiar words—betrayal, loyalty, traitor—words that have come to define our relationship no matter how much time passes but whose sting has faded and turned into something I can manage […].

To tell them would also mean inviting them along in a way. We still have family there. […] And when I tell them there'll be no time for that, that this is a work trip, that I'll mostly be on the water, in or under a boat, that what they want me to do takes me clear across an island I don't know: Oh, I see. You don't have time to take a piece of paper and a crayon to your grandmother's headstone? You don't have time to do that for me who will never see it? Oh, that's right, of course you don't. I should've remembered how busy you always are. I shouldn't have even asked.

Page Number: 385
Explanation and Analysis:
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Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) Character Timeline in Make Your Home Among Strangers

The timeline below shows where the character Lourdes Ramirez (Lizet’s Mother) appears in Make Your Home Among Strangers. The colored dots and icons indicate which themes are associated with that appearance.
Chapter 1
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...three years old: One day, her older sister, Leidy, was watching her briefly while their mother was in the backyard talking to a neighbor. Lizet found a pair of pool floaties,... (full context)
Chapter 4
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Lizet barely recognizes her mother’s new building—Lizet spent only three days in the new place at the end of the... (full context)
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...the floor inside. Lizet fawns over the baby, and then, at the sound of her mother Lourdes’s voice inside, pushes her way into the apartment. Her mother, though, is not particularly... (full context)
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As Lizet settles in, she realizes that her mother is in fact angry with her—Lourdes says that Lizet has “stolen” from her the chance... (full context)
Chapter 5
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Lourdes wakes early and heads out to a rally in support of Ariel and his Miami... (full context)
Chapter 6
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...Jillian and the rest of their floor’s amusement. That evening, Lizet had called Leidy and Lourdes to tell them about the snow—she’d wanted to call her father, too, but didn’t have... (full context)
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...her at first, but then admits that he has called a few times, though their mother hangs up the second she realizes that it’s him on the other end. Lourdes and... (full context)
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...by confessing that she is having “issues” up at school. Leidy barely hears her though—their mother’s face is on the television screen.  (full context)
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The girls watch their mother talk to a reporter about Ariel Hernandez—Lourdes is telling the interviewer that Ariel should be... (full context)
Chapter 7
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...the girls get down to the rally, the camera people have moved on from their mother. Lizet is surprised and almost disappointed that Leidy does not ask her to elaborate on... (full context)
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That night at dinner, Lourdes talks excitedly about the rally. As Lizet eats the delicious meal Lourdes has made, she... (full context)
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As the meal goes on, Leidy and Lourdes ask Lizet about school—what she’s been eating, what her hardest classes are. Lizet tries to... (full context)
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Lourdes asks Lizet if she is planning to see Omar while she’s in town. Lizet privately... (full context)
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Lourdes asks Lizet what time she needs to be at the airport the next day—Lizet lies... (full context)
Chapter 9
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...true for her. Lizet drags herself out of bed and calls home to let her mother know she has made it home okay, but Leidy answers the phone. She tells Lizet... (full context)
Chapter 12
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...shows the protests going on in Little Havana, Lizet strains her eyes to see her mother or Leidy, but can never make them out. (full context)
Chapter 15
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Lizet flies home once again—this time, her mother greets her at the airport terminal, commenting immediately on how skinny Lizet has gotten. Lizet... (full context)
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When Lourdes turns onto her street, Lizet is shocked to see how the block has changed. Signs... (full context)
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Lourdes helps Lizet retrieve her bag from the trunk and bring it to the front of... (full context)
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The girls hear the sound of their mother’s bedroom door shutting. Leidy sits down on the couch with Lizet, and remarks on how... (full context)
Chapter 16
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...after she used a stilted phrase to describe the paint job on the front of Lourdes’s building—now, Lizet wants to do the “most Latina” thing she can do, and feels that... (full context)
Chapter 17
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Lizet, Leidy, and Lourdes eat a light dinner in preparation for the “onslaught of food” that will come with... (full context)
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Lizet notes that Lourdes talks about Ariel and Caridaylis as if they are close friends—when she mentioned this to... (full context)
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Lourdes asks if Omar is coming to their family’s Noche Buena celebration—he was there the year... (full context)
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The next morning, Lizet kisses her mother goodbye as she is waking up, and lies that she is going to meet Omar... (full context)
Chapter 18
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...crazy about their studies as some people in Miami are about the Ariel Hernandez case—specifically, Lourdes. (full context)
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Lizet asks what Ricky knows about her mother and Ariel—her father doesn’t answer. When Lizet asks if he’s talked to Lourdes recently, Ricky... (full context)
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Ricky and Lizet begin eating, and Ricky continues talking about Lourdes and her Ariel obsession. He admits that it must be hard for her to hear... (full context)
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...Ricky and Lizet finish eating, Ricky asks whether everyone is attending the annual party at Lourdes’s sister Zoila’s house tonight. Lizet says they are, and asks him what his own plans... (full context)
Chapter 19
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...see Omar; she went to see their father. Lizet begs Leidy not to tell their mother; Leidy insists she’s not telling their mother anything, as she “value[s her] life.” Lizet asks... (full context)
Chapter 20
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Lourdes’s side of the family is “big and messy.” Though they don’t see each other often,... (full context)
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When Lizet, Lourdes, Leidy, and Dante arrive at Zoila’s house, Zoila is already half-drunk and greets them all... (full context)
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...a place card at her table with Omar’s name on it. Lizet wonders whether her mother went behind her back and told Zoila to put Omar’s place card out despite knowing... (full context)
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Lizet rushes outside to confront her mother—she walks out to see that Zoila is teasing Lourdes about her involvement with Ariel Hernandez.... (full context)
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Lizet tries to get her mother’s attention, but Lourdes is riled up and distracted by her own confrontation with Zoila. Lizet... (full context)
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Lourdes drags Lizet back into the house and reprimands her for talking to her so disrespectfully... (full context)
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Lizet shows Lourdes the place card and asks what it was doing on the table—she wants to know... (full context)
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Lizet and her mother continue to argue—about Omar, about Lourdes’s disinterest in Lizet’s experiences at school, about the sacrifices... (full context)
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Lizet, sitting on the ground as the room spins around her, believes her mother is the selfish one for volunteering all her time on Ariel’s behalf when her own... (full context)
Chapter 21
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That night, once Lourdes and Leidy fall asleep, Lizet calls Omar on the kitchen phone. She is surprised at... (full context)
Chapter 22
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On New Year’s Eve, Lizet’s grades show up. Both Lourdes and Leidy are working, and Lizet is grateful to be alone so that she can... (full context)
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...As Lizet gets ready, feeling as if she is at last her old self again, Lourdes sits in the other room, watching Ariel on the news and preparing for the large... (full context)
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Omar comes to pick Lizet up, and Lourdes warns them both to be careful out on the streets of Miami. Lourdes asks Lizet... (full context)
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...her, she becomes aggressive and angry. Omar at last admits that he was talking about Lourdes and her strange fixation with Ariel Hernandez. (full context)
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...off on her own, but Lizet wants nothing to do with Omar. She says her mother isn’t crazy—everyone else is watching the Ariel news nonstop, too. Omar admits that this is... (full context)
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...Omar. She is distracted, and decides that in the morning she will go with her mother to the rally to see for herself what it is about Lourdes that scares everybody... (full context)
Chapter 23
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Lizet ignores Leidy’s warning, although she remembers how their mother was already exaggerating for the cameras at Thanksgiving, telling news people that she had two... (full context)
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...hand. She sits down on the bed and asks Leidy why no one has called Lourdes out on her lies—Leidy thinks, though, that because they are new to the neighborhood, none... (full context)
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Outside, the air is chilly for Miami. As Lourdes and Lizet walk the two blocks over to Ariel’s family’s home, Lizet notices more and... (full context)
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As the rally gets underway, Lizet sees why Lourdes told her to come only if she was interested in really helping Ariel; here, Lourdes... (full context)
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...it if someone hadn’t knocked into her and pushed her forward, causing one of her mother’s friends to step on her toe. She realizes that people all around her are shouting... (full context)
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...crowd, who shout messages of love and support. Lizet notices that Cari waves directly at Lourdes and even mouths “Hi, Lourdes” to her. Lizet wonders why Cari knows her mother’s name. (full context)
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As Lourdes begins gushing about how special Caridaylis is, Lizet feels an intense anger take over. She... (full context)
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Lizet is so upset that she can barely speak. She wants her mother to give her the same attention she gives to Caridaylis—someone she hardly knows. Lizet realizes... (full context)
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Lizet is surprised to find that she actually empathizes with her mother. She is disappointed in Omar and Leidy for writing Lourdes off as crazy when it... (full context)
Chapter 24
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...of the court releasing its decision on Ariel’s asylum status. Lizet again goes along with Lourdes, mainly out of a desire to support her mother. They stand at the front of... (full context)
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...have come true, but as he continues his speech, Lizet stops listening. She looks at Lourdes, who seems to be “melting”; Lourdes turns her face toward the sky and lets out... (full context)
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Lizet is confused about what has just happened, and a friend of Lourdes’s explains that the INS has granted Ariel’s father back in Cuba custody of the boy;... (full context)
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Lizet hears someone shouting her mother’s name; she turns around and realizes that Lourdes has collapsed in the middle of the... (full context)
Chapter 25
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...the day of her flight back to school, Lizet wakes up to a note from Lourdes stating that someone else will have to take Lizet to the airport while Lourdes attends... (full context)
Chapter 26
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...Lizet calls Omar late almost every night. She’s been asking him to check in on Lourdes and Leidy and make sure Lourdes isn’t getting out of hand with the Ariel Hernandez... (full context)
Chapter 27
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...the excitement all to herself. She knows that as soon as she tells either her mother or her father about the internship, the news will be scrutinized and questioned, and she... (full context)
Chapter 28
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...the TV lounge on the way to her room, she is shocked to see her mother’s face on the television screen. She runs into the room and, out loud, asks “What... (full context)
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Lizet is shocked to see her mother on the screen, as neither Leidy nor Omar have indicated in their phone calls that... (full context)
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...and turns up the volume on the television, hoping to hear more. She hears her mother talking about a twenty-four-hour prayer vigil their group is organizing. The vigil, which started two... (full context)
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Lizet whips around and tells the other girls that the woman on television is her mother, and asks aggressively if any of them have anything to say about it. One girl... (full context)
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...others that Lizet is not really from Cuba—just at that moment, though, on the television, Lourdes’s voice can be heard saying that she came to America with her daughters in tow.... (full context)
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Lizet picks up the phone and calls her mother’s home phone, but no one answers. She miserably realizes that it is too late to... (full context)
Chapter 29
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...to her as if he’s her RA. She has, so far, kept everything about her mother and Ariel from him; Ethan is the only one of her Rawlings friends who has... (full context)
Chapter 30
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...starts driving Lizet towards Little Havana, and she tells him she’s not going to her mother’s house—she wants to be dropped off at her father’s apartment in Hialeah. Lizet has realized... (full context)
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...all the way up at Rawlings. Lizet says that’s what she’s here to do—to stop Lourdes, since obviously no one else will. As he throws the car into gear, Omar yells... (full context)
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...though, and quiet falls over the room. Ricky gets Lizet a snack and asks if Lourdes purchased her flight for her; Lizet replies that she bought the ticket with her own... (full context)
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As Lizet eats her snack, Ricky asks if she needs a ride to her mother’s apartment—she can’t stay with him. She says she’ll sleep on the couch, and asks if... (full context)
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...tells her that she can stay the night, but says he’s dropping her at her mother’s first thing in the morning—he does not want to get involved with “whoever [Lourdes] thinks... (full context)
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In the morning, Ricky drives Lizet to Lourdes’s apartment. Leidy answers the door for her; Leidy seems both surprised and unsurprised to see... (full context)
Chapter 31
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Leidy tells Lizet that Lourdes has been spending all over her time over at Ariel’s house—she has only been coming... (full context)
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Leidy also explains that Lourdes has been using up all of her sick and vacation days at work, and is... (full context)
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...home, and Lizet promises. Lizet asks if they can go out and look for their mother, and Leidy agrees that they should. (full context)
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...women gathered on the lawn, praying in Spanish. It takes Lizet a minute to spot Lourdes’s face—when she does, her first thought is that Lourdes looks like a stranger. When Lizet... (full context)
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Lizet asks Lourdes if she’ll come home just for a little while so they can spend some time... (full context)
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...that she has come down here many times over the last few months to ask Lourdes for a favor, and Lourdes has never even acknowledged Leidy when she is with the... (full context)
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As evening is about to fall, Lourdes comes home to the apartment. She greets Lizet warmly, but tells her she doesn’t have... (full context)
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Lourdes asks if Lizet will come back to the vigil; Lizet is taken off guard, but... (full context)
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...what she has come to Miami for—to face the Madres head-on, and drag her own mother away from them. Lourdes comes to the door and asks if Leidy left—Lizet says that... (full context)
Chapter 32
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There are so many questions Lizet wants to ask her mother about her involvement with the Madres on the walk over to Ariel’s, but she doesn’t... (full context)
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...for privacy, and a long table in the dining room is loaded with food. As Lourdes makes a plate for Lizet, a young man about Lizet’s age begins talking to Lourdes.... (full context)
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Lourdes leaves Lizet alone while she goes off to attend to some business. Lizet makes herself... (full context)
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Lizet asks Victor more about how he knows her mother, but Victor tells her not to change the subject—he wants to hear about how she... (full context)
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...can write about it for school. Lizet, truly uncomfortable, says she’s going to find her mother. As she walks away, Victor shouts some more obscenities at her; she pretends not to... (full context)
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...dwindles, and it becomes clear that she has no place or purpose here. Around midnight, Lourdes approaches Lizet to tell her that she should go to sleep on the couch, and... (full context)
Chapter 33
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...been removed from his uncle’s home. Lizet does not know that, inside the house, her mother has been pepper-sprayed; all she can see is Ariel, in the arms of a strange... (full context)
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...her, dozens of people continue running past her, chasing the van. Lizet senses that her mother must be inside Ariel’s house, and she rushes through the madness to try to find... (full context)
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...asks what is going on, but nobody answers her. She calls again and again for Lourdes, and eventually finds her in a room which holds a racecar bed—Ariel’s room. There is... (full context)
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Lizet watches as Lourdes comforts Caridaylis. Lourdes begs the other people in the room to leave and give them... (full context)
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Lourdes looks up at Lizet and hisses at her to leave the room, clutching Caridaylis tighter... (full context)
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...her leaving for college allowed Caridaylis to take her place. Caridaylis is someone whose decisions Lourdes understands and is proud of. Lizet writes, from the future, that she would keep leaving... (full context)
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Leidy is furious with Lizet for leaving Lourdes at Ariel’s. Lourdes does not come home later the next day or even the next... (full context)
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...flight, Leidy is still too mad at her to drive her to the airport, and Lourdes has chained herself to the front of Ariel’s house. Ricky offers to drive Lizet, but... (full context)
Chapter 34
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...and Lizet explains that she needs to be home in Miami this summer, as her mother is involved in the protests, and the whole thing has been tough on her family. (full context)
Chapter 35
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Lizet has been living at home in the “cold war” of her mother’s apartment for three weeks when Ariel Hernandez is deported on a Wednesday in June. She... (full context)
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Lizet dutifully shoulders the joint responsibilities of looking after Dante and Lourdes. She helps Lourdes look for jobs, and takes them both on outings to the local... (full context)
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Lourdes is still attending protests and political meetings, and Lizet has agreed to drive her to... (full context)
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...When Lizet tells her, Leidy begins screaming that Lizet is a “fucking traitor,” waking their mother up from sleep. Lourdes stumbles into the living room and finds the girls physically fighting... (full context)
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Lourdes demands to know what’s going on, and Lizet tries desperately to explain to her mother... (full context)
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Lourdes tells Leidy that she needs to let Lizet go. She passive-aggressively states that if Lizet... (full context)
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Lourdes asks Lizet when she’s planning on leaving, and Lizet says that her flight is in... (full context)
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...the plane starts boarding, Lizet and Ricky say their goodbyes. He urges her to call Lourdes when she lands and gets settled in Santa Barbara—Lizet protests, but Ricky insists she trust... (full context)
Chapter 36
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Leidy and David live in Hialeah now, and Lourdes shares their duplex; Dante and their younger daughter Angelica are both thriving in school, and... (full context)
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...a single dorm and used the days before classes began to write letters to her mother and Leidy—something she’d never done before. She had written an apology to Ethan over the... (full context)
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...the raid on Ariel’s house; Lizet doubted that it was true. Leidy told Lizet that Lourdes had forgiven her—but Lizet reveals that Lourdes, after all these years, has still never told... (full context)