Marriage is a Private Affair

by

Chinua Achebe

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Urban vs. Rural Spaces Theme Analysis

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“Marriage is a Private Affair” begins in Lagos with a conversation between two of the central characters of the story, Nene and Nnaemeka. The conversation is tense as Nene tries to understand why her fiancé hasn’t yet spoken to his father, Okeke, about their engagement. The root of the tension, however, stems from the fact that both of the characters disagree about what the father’s reaction to their engagement will be, since Nene is not Ibo like her fiancé: Nene insists that Okeke will be happy, while Nnaemeka reminds her that her expectations are skewed because of her naivete about rural spaces and cultures. He reminds her that she has spent her entire life in Lagos and thus understands “very little about people in remote parts of the country.” In other words, Nene does not understand how devotedly Nnaemeka’s father clings to the expectation that one must marry a person from their ethnic group. With this conflict, Achebe suggests that there exists a gulf between urban and rural spaces—one space culturally diverse and governed by choice, the other insular and marked by tradition—and that this gulf is difficult to bridge.

Nene and Nnaemeka’s conversation at the beginning of the story introduces the coming rift between the realities of the more accepting city space in which they have made their home and the rigid traditional expectations that Nnaemeka has left behind in his rural home. From the beginning, it is evident that Nene has taken for granted her urban upbringing to the point that she has come to expect that every space shares similar progressive ideas about marriage. Consequently, she cannot understand why Okeke would be anything but happy for his son. Her naivete is reflected in her assertion to Nnaemeka that “[Okeke] should be let into our happiness now.” Of course, Nnaemeka objects to this, reminding her that the remote part of the country he comes from is different from Lagos. He reminds his wife bluntly that not only are the people from his father’s community “unhappy if the engagement is not arranged by them,” but that things are even worse for him and Nene because she is “not even an Ibo.” In other words, tradition takes precedent over choice in rural spaces. The bluntness of Nnaemeka’s assertion causes Nene to reflect on the different expectations of rural spaces, something she hasn’t had to consider before: “In the cosmopolitan atmosphere of the city it had always seemed to her something of a joke that a person’s tribe could determine whom he married.” For the first time, she must grapple with the ease and freedom of choice that dwelling in an urban space affords her. It is a sobering moment, one that opens her eyes to the difficulties that lay ahead for her and Nnaemeka as they navigate and seek to reconcile their urban lives with the resilient traditions of Nnameka’s rural upbringing.

Notwithstanding the opposition from Okeke, Nnaemeka and Nene eventually get married, severely underestimating the extent to which his rural and largely homogenous village will shun them because of it. However, “if it had occurred to [Nnaemeka] that never in the history of his people had a man married a woman who spoke a different tongue, he might have been less optimistic.” Nene is not just marrying Nnaemeka—she is also marrying into a previously homogenous, traditional community. The villagers must grapple with the fact that her very presence forces them to broaden the way they define themselves and their community. It is an unchartered territory, and because of that, it’s terrifying for everyone. They must decide if they will embrace the cosmopolitanism of city life and make Nene one of their own.

Okeke, though, refuses to see his son and daughter-in-law for eight years and even writes to Nnaemeka to tell him that he is not welcome to even step foot in Okeke’s house. Scathingly, he adds: “it can be of no interest to me where or how you spend you leave—or your life, for that matter.” With this declaration, Okeke essentially declares that Nnaemeka is better off in Lagos since he has chosen to scorn his rural community’s customs on two counts, first by denying Okeke the fatherly duty of arranging his son’s marriage, and then by choosing to marry someone outside of the community. Consequently, the rural community has turned his back on Nnaemeka as well, as Okeke’s house is no longer fit for his son. This suggests that one can only belong to one space or the other, but not both. As Nnaemeka has chosen to live in Lagos with a non-Ibo wife, Okeke believes he has effectively rejected his rural community.

In contrast, while the Ibo people from Nnaemeka’s village alienate Nnaemeka for many years, he and Nene find some refuge in the cosmopolitan spaces of Lagos—even among other Ibo people. Though at first, they show Nene “such excessive deference as to make her feel she was not one of them,” eventually they warm up to her, and “slowly and grudgingly they began to admit that she kept her home much better than most of them.” Their acceptance of Nene further proves that Lagos—a multicultural space—is not as hampered by the same inflexible rules and time-worn traditions that govern rural spaces. In a cosmopolitan space, people are able to break away from outdated expectations because of the diversity of ideas and people that surround them. Consequently, they are able to more easily traverse the stubborn deference to tradition that hampers their rural counterparts.

In contrast, it takes Okeke many years for him to even consider accepting the marriage. This proves that the rural space he comes from is more resilient to progressive ideas centered around choice and new perspectives on community. It also shows that urban and rural spaces are fated to have a contentious relationship, as Achebe shows how anxiously those from urban spaces fear losing their hold on their children to the freedoms promised by urban spaces.

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Urban vs. Rural Spaces ThemeTracker

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Urban vs. Rural Spaces Quotes in Marriage is a Private Affair

Below you will find the important quotes in Marriage is a Private Affair related to the theme of Urban vs. Rural Spaces.
Marriage Is A Private Affair Quotes

“You have lived in Lagos all your life, and you know very little about people in remote parts of the country.”

Related Characters: Nnaemeka (speaker), Nene Atang
Related Symbols: Lagos
Page Number: 22
Explanation and Analysis:

At last she said, “You don’t really mean that he will object to your marrying me simply on that account? I had always thought you Ibos were kindly disposed to other people.”

Related Characters: Nene Atang (speaker), Nnaemeka, Okeke / Nnaemeka’s Father
Page Number: 23
Explanation and Analysis:

“I shall never see her,” was the reply. From that night the father scarcely spoke to his son. He did not, however, cease hoping that he would realize how serious was the danger he was heading for. Day and night, he put him in his prayers.

Related Characters: Okeke / Nnaemeka’s Father (speaker), Nnaemeka, Nene Atang
Page Number: 26
Explanation and Analysis:

“It has never been heard,” was the verdict of an old man speaking a few weeks later. In that short sentence he spoke for all of his people. This man had come with others to commiserate with Okeke when news went round about his son’s behavior.

Related Characters: Nnaemeka, Okeke / Nnaemeka’s Father
Page Number: 26
Explanation and Analysis:

“It amazes me that you could be so unfeeling as to send me your wedding picture. I would have sent it back. But on further thought I decided just to cut off your wife and send it back to you because I have nothing to do with her. How I wish that I had nothing to do with you either.”

Related Characters: Okeke / Nnaemeka’s Father (speaker), Nnaemeka, Nene Atang
Related Symbols: Lagos
Page Number: 27
Explanation and Analysis:

“Our two sons, from the day they learnt that they have a grandfather, have insisted on being taken to him. I find it impossible to tell them that you will not see them. I implore you to allow Nnaemeka to bring them home for a short time during his leave next month. I shall remain here in Lagos.”

Related Characters: Nene Atang (speaker), Okeke / Nnaemeka’s Father
Related Symbols: Lagos
Page Number: 29
Explanation and Analysis: