Martyr!

In Akbar’s Martyr!, Cyrus goes from being a heavy user of alcohol and drugs to being sober for several years. Initially, Cyrus rationalizes his addictions in simple terms: he feels bad when he isn’t drunk or high, often anxious or even suicidal, so he drinks and takes drugs to avoid this pain. As he explains to Dr. Monfort during his medical acting, Cyrus feels like he has an organ in his throat that makes him feel dread, and substance abuse used to be his way to try to silence this constant dread. Part of Cyrus’s pain originates from the absence he feels after the (supposed) death of his mother, Roya, and the impoverished way he grew up with his father, Ali, although part of it is also internal. But the more Cyrus drinks to avoid pain, the less he enjoys the drinking, and the more he realizes that he is losing control of his life—and sometimes even of his body, as he finds himself waking up in his own urine.

But while sobriety gives Cyrus more control over his life, it comes with its own challenges. Cyrus struggles to adapt to the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous, which at one point leads him into a fight with his sponsor, Gabe, after which Cyrus stops going to meetings. Cyrus also finds that he struggles with insomnia, a problem he had as a child that comes back again after he gets sober. Perhaps most of all, however, sobriety forces Cyrus to deal with recurring pain and feelings of emptiness. The challenge of sobriety, which Cyrus has faced for years and which people like Gabe have faced for decades, is that it doesn’t often come with dramatic obstacles to overcome, just everyday struggle. This seems to be part of what draws Cyrus to the concept of martyrdom, which offers a more definitive, drastic solution to life’s problems. Nevertheless, by the end of the novel, in spite of all his challenges, Cyrus has seemingly remained sober, offering hope that it’s possible for people to change. In Martyr!, Cyrus learns that addiction offers short-term solutions to problems but robs him of a sense of agency in his own life, while sobriety is a difficult daily struggle over time that nevertheless offers people more opportunity to control their own destinies.