Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Mother to Mother, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
The Legacy of Colonialism and Apartheid
Family, Tradition, and Obligation
Language, Storytelling, and History
Summary
Analysis
Mandisa addresses the Mother. She wonders what she should do for Mxolisi: “Deliver him to the police? Get him a lawyer?” She wonders if supporting her son will mean she cannot mourn the Girl, and wonders if she and the Mother are enemies.
As a mother, Mandisa feels that it’s her duty to protect her son and reprimand him when he’s misbehaved, but she can’t do both in this instance. She also feels that it’s her duty as a mother to grieve alongside other mothers, revealing that she’s pulled in several conflicting directions.
Themes
Mandisa wonders if the Girl could have stayed in her home country, and done good there, instead of coming to South Africa. She had a bright future ahead of her. Meanwhile, Mandisa wonders if Mxolisi had anything “to live for,” even before his crime.
Mandisa points out the disparity of opportunity across racial lines; the Girl, who was white, would have enjoyed a wealth of opportunities in her home country (wherever that may be) based on her race, while Mxolisi’s status as a black man in South Africa automatically ensures he has nothing “to live for.”
Themes
Mandisa points out how the same people who now criticize Mxolisi at one point praised him for being a Young Lion, and taught him chants like “one settler, one bullet!” She compares Mxolisi to a dog set out to attack an enemy, so that only the dog, not its handlers, are at risk.
In this passage, Mandisa reveals that the same people who radicalized Mxolisi and built him up are the ones who are now tearing him down. With this, Mandisa suggests that those people are cowards who tried to sidestep their obligations as leaders, mentors, peers, and activists by turning Mxolisi into a sacrifice and saving themselves.
Themes
Mandisa is filled with “shame” at Mxolisi’s crime, and “anger” at the adults who have been pushing him towards it. She tells the Mother that any leaders who reach out with consolations are, “[s]urely as my son […] your daughter’s murderers,” if not even “guiltier. They knew, or should have known, better. They were adults.”
While much of the novel examines the idea of whether or not parents should be held fully responsible for their children’s actions, Mandisa widens that scope by arguing that all adults in the community—especially those who were encouraging Mxolisi’s behavior—should be held responsible for his crime.
Themes
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Mandisa address the Mother, whom she knows is also suffering. Mandisa herself is living a sorrowful, joyless life. She wonders how the police really know who killed the Girl, “which hand delivered the telling stab, the fatal blow?” She wonders why Mxolisi was singled out. She wonders why Mxolisi did this, and prays to God for help.
In her letter to the Mother, Mandisa attempts to forge a connection between the two women based on their shared grief and sorrow. Both women are bound by loss—although Mxolisi didn’t die, his future certainly did, and the punishment he’s bound to receive from the brutal and racist government suggests that he may as well be dead.
Themes
Some time later, Skonana and Qwati visit Mandisa’s house. Frustrated that her nosey neighbors have come to visit, she opens the door anyway. They have two other women with them. They announce they’ve come to cry with Mandisa, “as is our custom, to grieve with those who grieve.” Mandisa invites them in, and, for the first time, she begins to see less “condemnation” in the eyes of her neighbors, and understands that some, if not all, “understand my pain.”
Against the backdrop of political instability, an unreliable government, and a tragic crime, customs provide a necessary sense of stability for Mandisa and her community. In opening the door for her neighbors, Mandisa begins to share a piece of herself and her story—something the novel consistently shows as a way to bring people together and connect them to a shared history. Here, the neighbors take on Mandisa’s grief as their own, seeing Mxolisi’s crime as part of their shared experience as a community.
Themes
Mandisa appreciates the help of her neighbors, who give her strength. She believes people need to help each other, but children especially, so they don’t grow up to be a “problem.” She wonders if even Mxolisi can be helped, if he can “change and come back [a] better” person.
The neighbors’ custom of “griev[ing] with those who grieve” gives Mandisa strength because it makes her feel connected and rooted in the community in a time when her family is being torn apart. This passage shows communities at their best—using traditions and customs to unite people and give them a sense of stability.
Themes
Mandisa addresses the Mother again. She calls the Girl “the imperfect atonement of her race,” and Mxolisi “the perfect host of the demons of his.” Together, the two mothers are “bound in this sorrow,” but Mandisa must carry shame, and “personal failure.” She hopes the Mother can find strength from the “glory” associated with her tragedy.
