My Beloved World

Sonia is only seven when she’s diagnosed with diabetes. While her family sees it as a “deadly curse,” for her, it’s just a threat to her childhood—which is already at risk due to Papi’s alcoholism and Mami’s reaction to it. However, living with this adversity leads Sonia to develop a sense of self-sufficiency. She insists that she’s not self-made, though; she has always had support from friends and family. Sonia’s family lives within blocks of each other in the Bronx. Most of them immigrated to New York City in 1944. She plays with her cousins and everyone speaks primarily Spanish. Sonia finds her little brother, Junior, obnoxious and torments him. At school, though, she defends him.

Junior is born when Sonia is three, and Sonia's family moves to a new public housing project 10 minutes from their old apartment. Mami thinks the projects are safer and cleaner than the tenements, but Abuelita is shocked and angry, because she thinks the projects are isolated. Sonia knows her family is isolated, but that’s because of Papi’s drinking. No one visits except for Alfred, who is Titi Aurora’s son and Sonia’s cousin. Alfred is much older than Sonia and the family relies on him, as he often drives since Papi refuses. When Papi gets home from work, he always cooks dinner and it’s always wonderful. After dinner, though, he leaves dishes in the sink and goes to his bedroom until it’s time to send Sonia and Junior to bed.

Mami copes by working the night shift at Prospect Hospital and by dropping the children off with family members when she’s not working. Papi’s neglect makes Sonia sad—she knows he can’t help himself—but Mami’s neglect makes Sonia angry. Mami is always elegant, chooses to work, and insists on sending Mami and Junior to Catholic school. Sonia expects more from her mother. The environment at home makes Sonia a watchful child, and she frequently eavesdrops on adult conversations. Often, as she listens to Abuelita and her aunts, she hears them blame Mami for Papi’s drinking. Sonia explains that Abuelita is extremely loyal to blood family, so the in-laws sometimes suffer. Abuelita’s constant picking at Mami is hard for Sonia to understand, especially since she’s also angry with Mami.

One day, when Papi is sick and Mami takes him to the hospital, Tío Benny and another uncle pick up Junior and Sonia. They talk about how Sonia’s apartment is a “pigsty” and Sonia burns with shame. After this, she makes a point to clean the apartment and to make Papi buy milk when they shop on Fridays. This is because Papi and Mami’s biggest fight is over milk—one night, Papi’s hands shake so badly that he continually spills milk. Because Papi was trying to pour milk for Sonia, she feels guilty.