Noughts and Crosses

“Because her boyfriend was a Cross. Your sister was beaten and l-left for dead because she was dating a Cross. And she didn’t even tell us. She was afraid of what we’d all say. So is it any wonder that she can’t bear to think of herself as one of us anymore? Is it any wonder she can’t even leave this house anymore? Her mind hasn’t been right since ’cause she’s still hurting.”

“What’re you talking about? She’s got friends dripping out of cupboards,” I scoffed.

“Not close ones. Not real friends that she can tell anything and everything to.”

“She’s probably driven them all away with her funny moods, […] If I didn’t have to live in the same house as her I wouldn’t put up with her either.”

“She’s lonely,” said Minnie.

“Why doesn’t she just go out and make some new friends then?” I asked.

Minnie smiled, one of her superior smiles that instantly ruffled my feathers. “You’re very young, Sephy.”

“We had to, Mum. Our cell was ordered to do it. Some of us set it up last night, but they said they’d phone through with the warning an hour before it went off. I swear they did. They said that everyone would be evacuated in plenty of time.” The verbal waterfall tumbled from Jude’s mouth.

“You killed, you murdered all those people…,” Mum whispered, appalled.

“Dad said they would phone through with a warning. That’s what he said. I don’t understand.” Jude turned bewildered eyes toward Dad.

“Sephy, don’t follow your mother, okay? She’s headed for a mental home—or a coffin. Is that really what you want?”

That made me start and no mistake. Was that really where Mother was going? I didn’t want her to die like that. I didn’t want to die like that. I regarded Callum, seeing myself as he must see me. A silly, pathetic child who thought that drinking was a way to grow older faster.

“No, Meggie. I’m guilty. That’s the truth and I’m sticking to it. I won’t let them put you and Callum in prison for this. Or Jude.” Dad lowered his voice again. “Just make sure that Jude stays lost so the daggers can’t get their hands on him. If they find him, he’ll rot in prison.” A tiny, sad smile played over Dad’s face, but it was gone in an instant. “But at least my confession means he won’t die.”

“Who’re you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”

And then I did the last thing either of us expected. I burst into tears. My sister put her arm around me then, allowing my head to rest on her shoulder—which just made me feel worse.

“Minerva, I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to, before I explode.”

“Don’t worry. I’m working on it with Dad.”

“Yeah, for yourself. But what about me?”

“No, I’m working on Dad for both of us,” said Minnie.

“You stupid girl. Who d’you think paid for their lawyer and all their legal fees?” Mother took hold of my shoulders and shook me. “I prayed and paid and did everything I could to make sure that Ryan wouldn’t hang. What more could I have done? You tell me.”

When I’d come into her room, I’d been burning up with the desire to smash her and everything else around her. Sephy was a Cross I could actually hurt. And yet here she was, asleep and still holding on to my arms like I was a life raft or something. There’s not an inch of space between her body and mine. I could move my hands and…And. Anything I liked. Caress or strangle. Kill or cure. Her or me. Me or her.

“Mum’s grandfather, our great-grandfather, was a Cross. That’s what Mum told me that day. We’ve got Cross blood in our veins.”

“I—I don’t believe it,” I whispered.

“It’s true. Mum only told me because I joined the LM. She said I was part Cross, so killing them would be just like killing my own. Poor Mum! That backfired on her.”

“What do you mean?”

“None of them ever wanted us. What has any Cross ever done for me except look down at me? I hated them even more after Mum told me the truth. Poor Mum.”

“No, he just raped you and made you pregnant instead,” Dad said bitterly.

“Kamal, please—,” Mother began.

“Callum didn’t rape me. He didn’t.”

“But you’re pregnant, so he must’ve.” Mother frowned.

“I’m pregnant because we made love to each other,” I shouted angrily.