Return to Sender

“Tiger, honey, I know it’s not easy. But sometimes in life…”

Any sentence Mom started with the words sometimes in life was not going to end in good news. “…we have to accept things that we can’t change.” She looked thoughtful, even a little sad. “But what we do with what we get makes us who we are.” It sounded like a riddle. Like something Reverend Hollister might say in a sermon.

“But it’d be like Gramps dying all over again!” Tyler was crying, even though he didn’t want to cry. Gramps’s ashes were scattered up in the garden by the old house Grandma still lived in. How could they leave him behind? And what about Grandma? Where would she go?

It still hurts not to have Gramps around. Everything on the farm […] feels doubly empty without him. But no one, except Grandma, wants to talk about missing Gramps. The best way to get over his grandfather’s death is not to dwell on it, Tyler’s mother told him.

But Tyler doesn’t want to get over Gramps’s death. Forgetting about his death means also forgetting about his life, and then Gramps would really be dead. On the other hand, Tyler doesn’t want to upset Grandma, and at any little mention of Gramps, she melts into tears. There’s got to be a happier way to stay in touch with Gramps. And the stars are the closest Tyler has come, even though they are millions of light-years away.

But Tyler has to admit that watching the stars by himself makes him miss Gramps even more. Especially now that Tyler feels so confused about how his parents are maybe breaking the law. He can’t talk to Mom, who would just lecture about freedom and justice and liberty for all, and Dad would feel bad that he can’t do all the work himself, and Ben is never around anymore, and Sara is a blabbermouth, and Grandma would get upset that Gramps can’t help out because he’s dead. That covers all the adults in his family, and Tyler wouldn’t dare mention what’s going on to anyone who isn’t related. As it is, he thinks the farm is already being watched by Homeland Security.

“It’s ‘La Golondrina,’” Mari explains. “That song I told you about,” she reminds Tyler. “You sing it when you are far away from your homeland and the people you love.” And then she beings to sing and her sisters join in. Tyler doesn’t understand all the Spanish words, something about a swallow looking for something. But for once, not knowing the words doesn’t matter. Just listening to the lonesome tune captures Tyler’s feelings when he is missing Gramps or Ben.

So, this is what the three Marías feel, so far from home! And to think that Tyler has made them feel even more lonesome with his unfriendliness and spying. He wishes he had words that would let them know he is sorry, that they do belong here.

[Tyler’s] parents return, long-faced from the confrontation at Grandma’s house. Grandma has told her children that if they try to move her out of her house, she’ll run away, which is kind of funny, Grandma running away from home to protest being forced to leave her home.

Except that it’s not funny, Tyler thinks, wishing he could travel to another galaxy. He’d pick a planet with lots of farms and no borders or bullies bossing you around. His grandmother has told him that’s what heaven is like. But Tyler doesn’t want to have to die to go there, although it might be nice to join his grandfather and get to eavesdrop on the rest of the family plotting and planning on the earth below—without getting in trouble with his mother.

I meant to do it on Sunday, but my sisters called me down for a special program about swallows on TV. They know swallows are my favorite animal because of the song “La Golondrina.”

I didn’t realize there was so much to know about them! How they fly for days and days, eating and even making babies as they fly, so desperate are they to get where they are going. How they bring good luck to farmers when they nest in their barns (Tyler says his grandfather would never let anyone disturb a swallow’s nest, even when the milk inspector said there was too much of their poop around.) Best of all is how, like my own family, swallows have two homes, one in North America and one in South America.