Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda

Simon and Martin are sitting together backstage when Martin admits that he read Simon's email—apparently, Simon left his Gmail account logged in on a school computer, Martin used the computer next, and he subsequently discovered Simon's secret identity (Jacques). Simon feels like an idiot as Martin smiles and offers that his brother is gay too. Simon has no idea what to say, especially when Martin insists that being gay isn't at all a big deal. Simon thinks that coming out doesn't really scare him—it'll just be awkward—but he's not sure what it'll mean for Blue, the boy he's been anonymously emailing.

Blue is a private person and would never forget to log out of his email on a school computer. Simon tells the reader that the school blocks the wireless in the auditorium, so he has to wait until after rehearsal to see if Blue has written him back. Martin interrupts Simon's thoughts to say again that Simon should come out and just be himself, and Simon rolls his eyes that a straight kid is giving him advice on coming out. Martin then says he's not going to show anyone the emails, which makes Simon feels relieved at first and then suspicious. Martin admits he took a screenshot of the emails, mentions that Simon is friends with Abby Suso, and casually suggests that Simon could help him talk to Abby.

Simon is enraged, and then it clicks—Martin is blackmailing him. Martin doesn't seem to understand why this is a problem and asks that Simon just invite him to things when Abby is going to be there. Simon thinks Martin might put the email screenshots on creeksecrets, the school's anonymous Tumblr account, which is where all the school gossip takes place for every student to see. Ms. Albright calls Martin onstage, and as Martin leaves, he asks who Blue is. Simon answers that he lives in California, but this is a lie: Blue lives in Shady Creek too, goes to Creekwood High, and Blue is a fake name. Simon might even know him.

When Simon gets home, he has an hour before dinner, so he gathers up Bieber, the family dog, puts on music by Tegan and Sara, and heads out for a walk. He thinks it makes sense that Martin is into Abby, because every "geeky straight boy" is. The fall air helps Simon calm down, as does the familiar sight when he arrives at his friend Nick's basement. Nick and Leah are sprawled in armchairs, playing video games, just as they do every afternoon. He feels as though the moment is perfect between him and his friends.

Nick and Leah are drinking sweet tea from Chick-fil-A, and Simon admits he feels weird eating there after he heard they "donate money to screw over gay people." He explains, however, that he doesn't talk about "gay stuff" with anyone but Blue—not even Nick and Leah. As Nick goes off on a tangent about a dream he had about putting in contacts incorrectly, Simon notices that Nick's philosophical mood makes Leah look very in love with him. Simon explains that this is why Leah hates Abby—Nick has a very obvious crush on Abby. Simon thinks that helping Martin woo Abby might actually be a good thing if it restores equilibrium in his friend group.