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Lily's understanding of the world is in very black and white terms: you're either following rules, or you're not. She once again neglects to consider the many shades of gray that exist in Snow Flower's situation as a whole, and in her note. This failure here to remember the lessons taught in nu shu lead to Lily's final, tragic “coming of age.” She rejects love and this relationship, and in doing so leaves her childhood entirely behind.