The Butcher Boy

When I was a young lad twenty or thirty or forty years ago I lived in a small town where they were all after me on account of what I done on Mrs Nugent. I was hiding out by the river in a hole under a tangle of briars. It was a hide me and Joe made. Death to all dogs who enter here, we said. Except us of course.

You could see plenty from the inside but no one could see you. Weeds and driftwood and everything floating downstream under the dark archway of the bridge. Sailing away to Timbuctoo. Good luck now weeds, I said.

It wasn’t too long after that ma was took off to the garage. She says to me: I’m away off up the town now Francie I have to get the baking started for your Uncle Alo’s Christmas party. Right, I says, I’ll just stay here and watch the telly and off she went I didn’t notice the time passing until I heard Mrs Connolly at the door with da and some other women she said ma’d been standing for two hours looking in the window of the fishing tackle shop with the bag on the ground and a tin of beans rolling round the footpath.

I wish my baby it was born
And smiling on its daddy’s knee
And me poor girl to be dead and gone
With the long green grass growing over me.

He went upstairs and the door he broke
He found her hanging from a rope
He took his knife and he cut her down
And in her pocket these words he found

Oh make my grave large wide and deep
Put a marble stone at my head and feet
And in the middle a turtle dove
That the world may know that I died for love.

Ma cried out. I never seen her face da before. Don’t blame it on your brother because you were put in a home! Christ Jesus Benny are you never going to come to terms with it! After all this time, is it never going to end?

I don’t know how long da was standing there staring at me. There were red circles round his eyes and I could smell him. You, was all he said. I didn’t know what he meant. But he told me. He meant you did it, what happened to ma. I says what are you talking about what happened to ma.

O you didn’t hear? he says with a bitter smile. Then he told me they had dredged the lake near the garage and found her at the bottom of it, and says I’m off up to the Tower I might be back and I might not.

That was what Bubble was afraid of. That everybody would hear. But he didn’t have to worry about that. As long as he left me alone and minded his own business I wouldn’t say anything about old Father Big-Mickey I mean Tiddly. Now he was gone I didn’t give a fuck. I just wanted to be left alone. I hope you’re happy here says Bubble. I said I am. Then I said: I’m going now.

There was nothing else to listen to now that the carnival was all locked up. Ssh, said the sea. That was all it said. Ssh. We’re going to be happy Benny aren’t we? she said. Yes, he said, we’re going to be the two happiest people in the whole world. He held her then and they kissed. You wouldn’t really think of ma and da kissing but they did and the moon was so close to ma as she lay back in his arms that she could have reached up and put it in her pocket.

What can I tell you about a man who behaved the way he did in front of his wife. No better than a pig, the way he disgraced himself here. Any man who’d insult a priest the way he did. Poor Father McGivney who wouldn’t hurt a fly coming here for over twenty years! God knows he works hard enough in the orphanage in Belfast without having to endure abuse the like of what that man gave him! God help the poor woman, she mustn’t have seen him sober a day in their whole honeymoon!

I caught her round the neck and I said: You did two bad things Mrs Nugent. You made me turn my back on my ma and you took Joe away from me. Why did you do that Mrs Nugent? […] I cocked the captive bolt. I lifted her off the floor with one hand and shot the bolt right into her head thlok was the sound it made, like a goldfish dropping into a bowl. If you ask anyone how you kill a pig they will tell you cut its throat across but you don’t you do it longways. Then she just lay there with her chin sticking up and I opened her then I stuck my hand in her stomach and wrote PIGS all over the walls of the upstairs room.