The Four Agreements

Ruiz explains that when we don’t feel free, we blame many things, such as the government, the climate, religion, or our parents. But really, the only thing stopping us being free is ourselves—being free is the same thing as being ourselves. Toddlers are free: they do whatever they want to do. They are also “wild”: they smile, have fun, and play without caring about the future. Toddlers think only about the present, so they aren’t afraid to express what they feel, nor are they afraid to love. These, according to Ruiz, are “normal” human tendencies.

However, when we become adults, we let the Judge and the Victim take charge. They prevent us from expressing our true nature, and we are no longer happy. Ruiz says that you don’t have to blame your parents for domesticating you, since they, too, were domesticated. If they acted abusively it was out of their own fear, their own beliefs. You don’t need to blame yourself, either, but you do need to stop the abuse—you can do this by freeing yourself from “the tyranny of the Judge” and the “role of the Victim.”

Your true self is the little child inside you that comes out when you have fun, play, or express yourself creatively. It’s the part of you that doesn’t think about the past or the future but just enjoys the present activity. The Judge inhibits this expression by telling you that you have “responsibilities” like earning a living. Ruiz thinks that most people don’t even realize that the Judge and the Victim are ruling their lives. The first step to freedom, therefore, is awareness that we are not free. Awareness lets us examine our beliefs and discover that most of them are “based on lies.”

Being a Toltec, essentially, is taking control of your own dream, having the power to change your life if you don’t enjoy your dream, and following no leaders but yourself. A Toltec, says Ruiz, is wise, wild, and free. Toltecs possess three types of “mastery”: “Awareness” (being aware of our true nature), “Transformation” (changing and freeing ourselves from domestication), and “Intent” (practicing unconditional love, which is the true nature of life itself).

Ruiz compares the Judge, the Victim, and the belief system you are domesticated with to a parasite: it sucks your energy in order to keep itself alive. When we realize this, we have a choice: surrender to the parasite and “the dream of the planet,” or to rebel. Shamans of the Americas call themselves “warriors” because they declare war on “the parasite of the mind.” Being a warrior doesn’t mean we win, but it means we try our best to fight the parasite. The parasite can also be described like a monster with a thousand heads—one head for each of our fears. Ruiz says there are three ways to kill the parasite and he’s going to address each one in turn.

Ruiz names the first way of killing the parasite “the art of transformation: the dream of the second attention.” Domestication is the “dream of the first attention” because the first time you used your attention, it was to create that dream. Now, however, you’re not innocent—you can choose what to believe. You can become aware of the fog and the drama in your life by noticing which beliefs limit you and exist out of fear. Those are the ones you need to start disagreeing with by turning your “demons” into “angels.” Start small, work your way up, and repeat until you have mastered this task.    

Ruiz names the second way of killing the parasite “the discipline of the warrior: controlling your own behavior.” Imagine you wake up in a good mood but then have a fight with your partner. After the fight you feel drained and spend the rest of the day trying to get back in a good headspace. Emotions deplete your energy. The state of mind in which emotions take over is like a disease, and negative emotions are like wounds that need to be healed through forgiveness. First, we forgive others, then God, then ourselves. Forgiving someone means not having an emotional reaction when you see them. Ruiz instructs you to be like a warrior and learn to control your emotions. Have the discipline to express them at the right time rather than retaliating when provoked or repressing feelings when shamed. 

The third way of killing the parasite, Ruiz says, is known as “the initiation of the dead: embracing the angel of death.” In this method, you learn from “death,” which teaches you how to be alive. Ruiz tells you to imagine that your doctor says you have a week to live. You have two options: suffer and feel sorry for yourself or make the most of your last week and really enjoy it. Death teaches you how to make the most of every day, be open and fearless, and cherish being alive. The “initiation of the dead” kills the parasite and allows you to be resurrected alive. The angel of death teaches you that it owns your life and can take it away at any moment, which motivates you use your life while you still have it.