The Girl Who Smiled Beads

The narrative jumps back to a day in Burundi, when a Red Cross truck arrives. Clemantine, Claire, and the other refugees follow the truck on foot. After a day, they arrive at Ngozi—two hills covered with tents. Clemantine calls for Pudi, but the Red Cross men make her stand in line. When Clemantine and Claire reach the front of the line, a woman dyes their hands to count them. She gives them a tent, two blankets, and a pot. They are told where to pitch their tent, where to stand in line for beans and corn, and where to use the bathroom—by the ditch dug for dead bodies. Clemantine is excited by the prospect of finding her parents here, but when she looks around at the hundreds of bodies, she loses hope. 

Clemantine loses her sense of self. She becomes only what she needs—a deep yearning for water, food, and a place to sleep. She tries hard to remember her unit number and her name. She starts telling people her name, not wanting to become invisible. But she loses herself anyway. The refugees aren’t given toilet paper because dignity isn’t a necessity. But Clemantine collects eucalyptus leaves, remembering the soaps she loved at her aunt’s house.

Clemantine’s hair and clothes crawl with lice. She feels that not even her body is hers. One day, Claire takes Clemantine to a refugee who has a razor, and he shaves her head. Clemantine cries because she wants to be different, but now she’s bald like everyone else. Every inch of her body becomes a battleground on which she fights to remain a person. Bugs burrow into her feet. She and Claire try to keep their feet clean, but it is impossible. They gouge the bugs from their feet with pins; if they leave any behind, the bugs might tunnel into their skin and cause them to come down with a deadly fever.

It is hard work to survive. Clemantine waits in line for hours for food. Then, she looks for smoke from another stove to light her kindling. Clemantine watches the pot of corn on the cinderblock stove for hours so it doesn’t burn. No one has plates or spoons. When the corn is hot, it burns their fingers; when it’s cold, it is too hard to chew.

Clemantine makes a list of things to cry about as a way of maintaining her identity. She still believes she is going back home. Many of the refugees are poor farmers who know they aren’t going home. They look down on Clemantine and Claire as rich city kids who had parents, a TV, and dreams of studying abroad. Clemantine watches the road for her parents and Pudi, whose appearance she barely remembers. She makes other kids watch with her, making them empty promises of candy and balloons.

Clemantine becomes tough. When she walks to collect water, she stares down older women who try to bully her out of her spot in line. She imagines she’s older and stronger than everyone. She is contemptuous of the dirty refugee children who don’t know what it’s like to be taken care of. One day, UNHCR brings clothes and Clemantine tries to bathe and dress the naked kids. She rebukes their parents for neglecting them. Soon, everyone hates Clemantine. Clemantine’s biggest fear is falling in the latrine pit. Once, a kid falls in and has to be dug out.

When the food trucks come, everyone runs to meet them. But the corn is so hard that it is impossible to cook or eat. Someone walks outside the camp and finds a miller who grinds the corn into flour. Clemantine makes dough and paste wrapped in banana leaves. UNHCR realizes the kids are undernourished, so once a month they give each of them half a vitamin and a biscuit.

Clemantine tries to stay clean and remember who she is. She pretends the bugs and grime don’t humiliate her. She tells herself she’s valuable, but she has trouble believing herself. At night, she sings a song her mother taught her about turning to God when one feels hurt.