The Golden Ass: Book 7 Summary & Analysis

One of the robbers comes back to the cave and tells the rest of them that they’re safe after sacking Milo’s house because the crowd there believes Lucius is to blame for the robbery. Lucius despairs at how Fortune has deserted him lately.

The bandits talk about how some of their bravest men have died recently and so they need new recruits. One of them found a strong-looking young man who seems promising. The potential new recruit greets the bandits and begins to tell a story.

The man introduces himself as a brigand from Thrace named Haemus. He is the heir to another great robber and used to be wealthy but lost it all when Caesar took an interest in his bandit group and wiped them out. Having finished his story, he produces two thousand gold coins and makes them as an offering to the other bandits, saying he can make them much more.

The bandits unanimously vote Haemus their leader. Eventually, he learns about the hostage and how she tried to escape on Lucius. Haemus says he hopes he doesn’t offend anyone but it’s his opinion that the bandits are making a mistake by killing the girl and losing a potential source of profit. They could instead make a profit and still get revenge if they sell the hostage to a brothel.

The robbers agree with the plan to sell the hostage to a brothel. The girl herself seems pleased with the plan, which Lucius finds shameful. Suddenly, however, Lucius overhears Haemus speaking quietly to the girl and revealing that he is in fact Tlepolemus, the girl’s fiancé (Lucius also overhears that her name is Charite).

Tlepolemus, still pretending to be Haemus, gets the robbers drunk and possibly adds a sedative to their wine. Tlepolemus ties them all up and then takes Charite and Lucius back to their hometown, where Charite is greeted by her parents. Tlepolemus then takes Lucius back to the bandit camp with other pack animals and a crowd of helpers. Together, they throw some of the tied-up bandits off a cliff and slice the others up with swords before taking the goods back.

Charite and Tlepolemus get married. Charite continues to express gratitude towards Lucius and feeds him well. They decide to reward Lucius by letting him frolic in the fields where he can impregnate some of the mares to create new mules. After some delay, Lucius is allowed to roam free.

The male horses are jealous of Lucius and try to keep him away from the mares. Even worse, Lucius is forced to haul wood down a mountain, and the work is overseen by a cruel ass-boy who beats Lucius. The ass-boy frames Lucius for starting a fire and for causing other trouble. The ass-boy suggests getting rid of Lucius, but then someone suggests that it might be effective simply to castrate him. Lucius would rather kill himself but doesn’t have the opportunity.

While the ass-boy has Lucius tied up to await his punishment, however, a she-bear comes out of a cave and kills the ass-boy. Lucius runs away, thinking he’s finally had some help from Fortune, but he is caught and finds that he is blamed for killing the ass-boy.

Pieces of the ass-boy’s corpse are found everywhere. The boy’s parents blame Lucius, and they tie him up. Then, the boy’s mother sticks a burning log up Lucius’s butt, forcing Lucius to defend himself with explosive diarrhea that blinds them.