The Remarkable Rocket

by

Oscar Wilde

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In a European kingdom, a young Prince is about to be married to a young Princess, and the whole Court is brimming with anticipation. At the wedding, the King plays the flute, which he is terrible at, though he believes he is wonderful since none of his subjects ever have the courage to do anything but cheer when he plays. The Princess has never seen fireworks, so the King orders that a display of them be set off as the finale.

The fireworks, having been prepared and arranged by the Royal Pyrotechnist, begin having a conversation amongst themselves. All of the fireworks act haughtily, bickering amongst themselves over the size of the world and the death of romance. A tall, “supercilious-looking” Rocket coughs sharply, as he always does, to draw attention to himself before making his introduction. He speaks with great self-seriousness, expressing his belief that he is the most significant being in the world and reflecting on how lucky the Prince is that he should be married on the day that the Rocket is to be set off. Even though the other fireworks contradict him, insisting that certainly it is the fireworks who are being set off to honor the royal wedding and not the other way around, the Rocket is defiant. He boasts about his remarkable lineage, ponders how terribly interesting he is, and praises himself for his highly sensitive nature, which he believes makes him quite extraordinary. The rest of the fireworks listen, but do not take the Rocket seriously, though this fact eludes him. As the Rocket is monologuing about his great friendship for the Prince (despite the fact that he has never met him) and how great a tragedy it would be for the whole world if any harm ever befell the Rocket, he begins to cry. A pair of fireworks offer him the common sense warning that he should be careful not to wet himself since it will prevent his gunpowder from lighting, the Rocket angrily rejects their advice because, in his words, he is “utterly uncommon.” The other fireworks keep bickering with the Rocket and his tears flow down, soaking himself.

At midnight, the Royal Pyrotechnist and his assistants arrive and put their torches to the fireworks, who each set off in turn. They soar into the air and explode brilliantly, delighting the Court and enjoying themselves thoroughly. However, the Rocket, whose tears have soaked his gunpowder, does not set off, and he is left there alone. The Rocket interprets this to mean that he is being reserved for some grander occasion. The wedding ends, and the Court leaves. The next day, the cleaners find the lone Rocket and promptly toss him over the wall into a neighboring ditch in the countryside. The Rocket presumes that he is being sent on retreat to recover his strength and his nerves.

As the Rocket is sitting in the mud, a Frog approaches him, talking incessantly. The Rocket coughs for attention, but the Frog merely remarks on how closely his cough sounds to a croak, which is the most beautiful sound in the world. The Frog tells the Rocket about his ultra-popular glee club, and about his beautiful daughters, never letting the Rocket get a word in. As the Frog makes to leave, the Rocket angrily points out that he was not given the chance to speak, but the Frog quips that he prefers it that way, since it prevents arguments. The Frog swims away, leaving the Rocket talking angrily after him, and reaffirming his belief that someday his greatness will be seen.

A Duck swims up to the Rocket and asks him if his odd shape is a birth defect or the result of some horrible accident. The Rocket belittles her as a simple middle-class commoner, and tries to intimidate her with his high-class nobility and ability to fly into the air and explode. The Duck, however, does not care, since she can see no function that could offer society. Furthermore, she is unimpressed by his claims of nobility and aspirations for public life, having tried politics herself once finding that it accomplished nothing. Rather, the Duck settled for domesticity and caring for her family, encouraging the Rocket to do the same. However, the Rocket clings to his aspiration to make a great public impression and enjoy the finer things in life. As the Duck swims away, the Rocket yells after her that he was not finished talking and still has so many things to say.

As the Rocket is pondering his own genius, two boys arrive carrying some firewood and a kettle. One of them notices the Rocket lying in the mud, mistaking him for an old stick. The boys build a small fire to boil water with the kettle, adding the Rocket to the fuel, and take a nap while they wait. The Rocket, soaked as he is, slowly dries until his gunpowder is dry enough to ignite. It does so, and while the boys are fast asleep, the Rocket soars up into the air, believing that his hour has come and he will make such an explosion in the afternoon air that it will be the talk of the country for a whole year. He explodes, but is seen by no one. The only living thing to notice him at all is a goose, which is startled by his smoldering stick falling to the ground. Nevertheless, the Rocket takes this as a sign that he has made a great sensation, and burns out.