Lady Sneerwell Quotes in The School for Scandal
LADY SNEERWELL. Yes, my dear Snake; and I am no hypocrite to deny the satisfaction I reap from the success of my efforts. Wounded myself in the early part of my life by the envenomed tongue of slander, I confess I have since known no pleasure equal to the reducing others to the level of my own injured reputation.
SNAKE. Nothing can be more natural. But, Lady Sneerwell, there is one affair in which you have lately employed me, wherein, I confess, I am at a loss to guess your motives.
MRS. CANDOUR. Now, I'll die, but you are so scandalous, I'll forswear your society.
LADY TEAZLE. What's the matter, Mrs. Candour?
MRS. CANDOUR. They'll not allow our friend Miss Vermillion to be handsome.
LADY SNEERWELL. O surely she is a pretty woman.
CRABTREE. I am very glad you think so, ma’am.
MRS. CANDOUR. She has a charming fresh colour.
LADY TEAZLE. Yes, when it is fresh put on.
MRS. CANDOUR. O fie! I'll swear her colour is natural: I have seen it come and go.
LADY TEAZLE. I dare swear you have, ma'am: it goes off at night, and comes again in the morning.
SIR BENJAMIN. True, ma'am, it not only comes and goes, but, what's more—egad, her maid can fetch and carry it!
MRS. CANDOUR. Ha! ha! ha! how I hate to hear you talk so! But surely now, her sister is, or was, very handsome.
SIR PETER. Madam, madam, I beg your pardon—there’s no stopping these good gentlemen's tongues. —But when I tell you, Mrs. Candour, that the lady they are abusing is a particular friend of mine, I hope you'll not take her part.
LADY SNEERWELL. Ha! ha! ha! Well said, Sir Peter! but you are a cruel creature, —too phlegmatic yourself for a jest, and too peevish to allow wit in others.
SIR PETER. Ah! madam, true wit is more nearly allied to good-nature than your ladyship is aware of.
LADY TEAZLE. True, Sir Peter: I believe they are so near akin that they can never be united.
SIR BENJAMIN. Or rather, madam, suppose them to be man and wife, because one seldom sees them together.
SIR BENJAMIN. Aye, there; I told you Mr. Surface was the man.
MRS. CANDOUR. No, no, indeed; the assignation was with Charles.
LADY SNEERWELL. With Charles! You alarm me, Mrs. Candour!
MRS. CANDOUR. Yes, yes, he was the lover. Mr. Surface, to do him justice, was only the informer.
SIR BENJAMIN. Well, I’ll not dispute with you, Mrs. Candour; but, be it which it may, I hope that Sir Peter’s wound will not—
MRS. CANDOUR. Sir Peter’s wound! Oh, mercy! I didn’t hear a word of their ﬁghting.
LADY SNEERWELL. Nor I, a syllable.
SIR BENJAMIN. No! what, no mention of the duel?
MRS. CANDOUR. Not a word.
SIR BENJAMIN. O Lord, yes, yes: they fought before they left the room.
LADY SNEERWELL. Pray, let us hear.
MRS. CANDOUR. Aye, do oblige us with the duel.
LADY SNEERWELL. The torments of shame and disappointment on you all.–
LADY TEAZLE. Hold, Lady Sneerwell,—before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college, of which you are president, and inform them, that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they gave her, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer.
LADY SNEERWELL. You too, madam—provoking—insolent—May your husband live these fifty years!