Eva Rose Quotes in The Silent Patient
Then I walked home, back up the hill, slowly, step by step. It seemed much steeper now. It took forever in the sweltering heat. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man. Apart from pity, there was another feeling, unnamable somehow—a kind of fear. I pictured him as a baby in his mother’s arms. Did she ever imagine her baby would end up crazy, dirty and stinking, huddled on the pavement, muttering obscenities? […]
Tears collected in my eyes as I walked up the hill. I wasn’t crying for my mother—or myself—or even that poor homeless man. I was crying for all of us. There’s so much pain everywhere, and we just close our eyes to it. The truth is we’re all scared. We’re terrified of each other. I’m terrified of myself— and of my mother in me. Is her madness in my blood? Is it? Am I going to—
No. Stop. Stop—
I’m not writing about that. I’m not.
“[Vernon] was a mean bastard. The only person he ever cared about was Auntie Eva. I suppose that’s why he said it.”
“Said what?” I was losing patience. “I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. What exactly happened?”
“Vernon was going on about how much he loved Eva—how he couldn’t live without her. ‘My girl, he kept saying, ‘my poor girl, my Eva…Why did she have to die? Why did it have to be her? Why didn’t Alicia die instead?’”
[…] “And Alicia whispered something to me—I’ll never forget it. ‘He killed me,’ she said. ‘Dad just—killed me.’”
I stared at Paul, speechless. A chorus of bells started ringing in my head, clanging, chiming, reverberating. This is what I’ve been looking for. I’d found it, the missing piece of the jigsaw, at last.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Nothing. I just want to talk.”
So we talked. We talked about Lydia and Paul, and about her mother, and the summer she died. We talked about Alicia’s childhood—and mine. I told her about my father, and growing up in that house; she seemed curious to know as much as possible about my past and what had shaped me and made me who I am.
I remember thinking, There’s no going back now. We were crashing through every last boundary between therapist and patient. Soon it would be impossible to tell who was who.
Eva Rose Quotes in The Silent Patient
Then I walked home, back up the hill, slowly, step by step. It seemed much steeper now. It took forever in the sweltering heat. For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man. Apart from pity, there was another feeling, unnamable somehow—a kind of fear. I pictured him as a baby in his mother’s arms. Did she ever imagine her baby would end up crazy, dirty and stinking, huddled on the pavement, muttering obscenities? […]
Tears collected in my eyes as I walked up the hill. I wasn’t crying for my mother—or myself—or even that poor homeless man. I was crying for all of us. There’s so much pain everywhere, and we just close our eyes to it. The truth is we’re all scared. We’re terrified of each other. I’m terrified of myself— and of my mother in me. Is her madness in my blood? Is it? Am I going to—
No. Stop. Stop—
I’m not writing about that. I’m not.
“[Vernon] was a mean bastard. The only person he ever cared about was Auntie Eva. I suppose that’s why he said it.”
“Said what?” I was losing patience. “I don’t understand what you’re saying to me. What exactly happened?”
“Vernon was going on about how much he loved Eva—how he couldn’t live without her. ‘My girl, he kept saying, ‘my poor girl, my Eva…Why did she have to die? Why did it have to be her? Why didn’t Alicia die instead?’”
[…] “And Alicia whispered something to me—I’ll never forget it. ‘He killed me,’ she said. ‘Dad just—killed me.’”
I stared at Paul, speechless. A chorus of bells started ringing in my head, clanging, chiming, reverberating. This is what I’ve been looking for. I’d found it, the missing piece of the jigsaw, at last.
“What do you want to talk about?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Nothing. I just want to talk.”
So we talked. We talked about Lydia and Paul, and about her mother, and the summer she died. We talked about Alicia’s childhood—and mine. I told her about my father, and growing up in that house; she seemed curious to know as much as possible about my past and what had shaped me and made me who I am.
I remember thinking, There’s no going back now. We were crashing through every last boundary between therapist and patient. Soon it would be impossible to tell who was who.
