Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in This Is How It Always Is, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Gender and Binaries
Secrets and Misunderstanding
Violence and Discrimination
Storytelling
Family
Summary
Analysis
Even though Poppy is 10 and is self-sufficient, Rosie stays home from work during the three days Poppy is locked in her room. On the third day, James calls and says Rosie has to come in tomorrow. The next day, Rosie goes into the office, and Howie meets her at the door. Howie says that he realizes Rosie has something going on at home, and he doesn’t want to “bust her balls,” but she isn’t keeping up her obligations at the office. Rosie reminds him that she keeps 35 appointment hours weekly and takes emergency and on-call hours the same as everyone else. She has missed one week in four years, and suddenly she is a problem.
Rosie knows that staying home with Poppy may get her fired, but she does it anyway, which again highlights how important family is to Rosie. The fact that Rosie feels like she has to choose between her family and job is more evidence of America’s sexist society, as is Howie’s comment that he doesn’t mean to “bust [Rosie’s] balls.”
Themes
Howie asks why Penn can’t deal with whatever is going on at home. “He doesn’t even work,” Howie adds. Rosie again says that she does the same work as everyone else, but Howie reminds her that she refuses to do any work to market the practice, and she won’t go to Thailand. The extra things are what it takes to be a doctor in his practice, Howie says, and if Rosie isn’t up to that, she will have to be a doctor somewhere else.
Howie is completely insulting and inappropriate. How Penn and Rosie deal with their family is none of Howie’s business, nor is Penn’s career. Again, Howie holds Rosie to an impossible standard so she must work harder than everyone else, and he basically gives her an ultimatum: go to Thailand or be fired.
Themes
Rosie calls Mr. Tongo at lunch and tells him that everyone knows about Poppy. He asks how Poppy is taking it, and Rosie tells him it isn’t good. Poppy has shaved her head, and she refuses to leave her room, and, Rosie adds, she has turned back into Claude. “Perfecto,” Mr. Tongo says. Rosie isn’t so sure she understands. He explains that “coming out” is a “queer right [sic] of passage,” but, Rosie says, Poppy isn’t queer. Yes, Mr. Tongo says, she is. The problem is that Penn and Rosie have been so understanding and accepting, they deprived Poppy of her queerness. But she is queer, Mr. Tongo says, and queer is different, that is why they call it queer.
Rosie doesn’t seem to want to admit that Poppy is queer, and up to this point Rosie has never spoken the word “transgender.” Rosie tells herself that she is okay with Poppy’s gender, and deep down she probably is; however; Frankel implies that such a change will always be a difficult adjustment, even for those who are open-minded. Frankel also implies that the transition itself will always be difficult. No matter how much Rosie tries to shelter Poppy, she can’t take away the pain involved with coming out.
Themes
There is nothing Penn and Rosie can do for Poppy, Mr. Tongo says, except let her suffer. Step one, he says, is coming out, and step two is being rejected by a lot of people, and it is never fun. Step three is the best, Mr. Tongo says, because step three is for “moving on.” For some people, moving on can take their entire life, so Poppy is lucky to have a jump start.
Again, many LGBTQ people must deal with being rejected by society, but many are also rejected by their own families. Mr. Tongo, however, implies that Poppy has the worst of it behind her—the initial coming out—and now she can work on “moving on.”
Themes
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That night when Rosie gets home, Penn is in the bedroom looking at pictures of vaginas on his laptop. He has been doing research on sex reassignment surgery, and the advancements are incredible. Poppy can be given a functional vagina—one that works just like Rosie’s, he says—but Rosie stops him. Poppy is 10n, and has recently turned back into Claude, and she is clearly too young to start talking sex reassignment surgery. Penn knows that Poppy is still too young, but, according to his research, the earlier the surgery is performed, the better.
Penn talks to Rosie like she doesn’t know all about sex reassignment surgery. Rosie is a doctor, yet people are constantly telling her how the human body works, which again gestures to the sexist nature of American society. Still, Penn isn’t wrong, and Rosie knows this—surgical outcomes are better in younger people, as are mental health outcomes. The earlier sex reassignment surgery is performed the less gender dysphoria and discrimination one faces.
Themes
Rosie used to be grateful that Poppy has gender dysphoria and not cancer, or heart failure, or any number of fatal childhood illnesses, but she knows now that Poppy’s gender dysphoria is more than a medical issue. It is a “cultural issue,” Rosie says, “It’s a social issue and an emotional issue and a family dynamic issue and a community issue.” They might need to intervene medically so Poppy doesn’t grow facial hair, but the world also needs to learn to accept a “guy in a dress.” But, Penn points out, that won’t happen. Then, Rosie says, they all have to learn how to live in a world that doesn’t accept Poppy or Claude. That night, Rosie can’t sleep. She sends a text message to Howie and tells him she will go to Thailand, if Poppy can go with her.
Rosie’s comment underscores that Poppy’s gender dysphoria won’t magic disappear until society changes and accepts people who are different. Even with hormones and surgery, Poppy will likely still feel out of place in some way. Poppy’s well-being depends on everyone, which, Frankel points out, is difficult because the world is unlikely to radically change anytime soon. Rosie is right in thinking that Poppy isn’t sick, but Poppy’s life will still be difficult. Rosie’s decision to go to Thailand (and take Poppy) comes right after Penn brings up sex reassignment surgery, which suggest that Rosie, to some extent, is trying to avoid facing this possibility.
Themes
