This Is How It Always Is

This Is How It Always Is

by

Laurie Frankel

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This Is How It Always Is: Part IV: After Summary & Analysis

Summary
Analysis
Poppy isn’t sure that coming back to school during the Valentine’s Day dance is the best decision, but that is exactly what she is doing. Aggie still won’t talk to her, but Natalie and Kim say they always knew who Poppy really was, even if Poppy didn’t tell them exactly. Standing with Kim and Natalie in the gymnasium decorated with hearts and streamers but still smelling of socks, Poppy feels almost brave. A few people walk by and say hi, and then Jake Irving approaches. He says hello and asks if Poppy ever got his text (he sent a text apologizing for the whole “dick” comment and said Marnie made him do it). Poppy says she got it, and Jake apologizes again.
Poppy’s trip to Thailand and her discovery of the “middle way” has given her the courage to return home and live as her true gender identity. The Grumwald and Princess Stephanie story allowed Poppy to see herself represented in a story, just as she saw herself represented in Thailand though K and the other transgender women. Poppy is beginning to believe she belongs, even if everybody doesn’t accept her, like Aggie is clearly having a problem doing. 
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Jake asks Poppy if she wants to dance. He looks at the dance floor and tells her they will probably be the best dancers out there, and Poppy can’t say no. She “regular-dances” with Jake, and he asks her about Thailand. She tells him she taught English to little kids, and Jake says that is because she is “smart” and “nice.” Jake might be smart, he says, but he isn’t nice. At least, he wasn’t nice to Poppy, he says, but he is very, very sorry. Poppy says she knows, and Jake asks how. “You asked me to dance,” Poppy says.
Jake takes a risk of getting harassed by the cruel kids for dancing with Poppy, but he doesn’t seem too worried, which is how Poppy knows he is genuinely sorry for the cruel things he said to her. Jake and Poppy “regular-dance,” which likely means they aren’t slow dancing, but Jake still takes a chance by dancing with Poppy. 
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Rosie and Penn never intended to dance when they agreed to chaperone the dance, but they never thought they would see Poppy dancing either, so they decide to go for it. Dancing together, Rosie tells Penn that she is very proud of him and always knew this day would come. She asks what made him finally write down the Grumwald story, and Penn says it was just time. They have always lived a fairy tale, Penn says. Their “perfect love story” is like magic, but there must be room for transformation to have “happily-ever-after.”
It was time for Penn to write down Grumwald because Poppy needed to see herself reflected in the world. Penn again implies that “fairytales” and “happily-ever-after” can be a reality, and Rosie is quickly beginning to understand that Penn is right. Poppy’s dance with Jake implies that she is well on the mend and again sees herself as part of the world she recently pulled away from. 
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They can’t avoid change, Penn tells Rosie, and keep Poppy a secret. Penn had to write Grumwald down so people can read Poppy’s story, and “it can grow.” Rosie says Penn’s explanation is beautiful, but it doesn’t answer the real question. “Boy or girl or in between?” Rosie asks, “Blockers or puberty? Surgery or hormones?” Penn admits the story doesn’t answer the question, but it builds a place to start from and find the answers. Rosie looks at Poppy. She can’t believe Poppy danced, but Penn can. “Happy middles,” he says, are better than “happy endings.”
Again, Penn believes there is power in Poppy’s story. Stories allow others to live a vicarious experience, and stories help to build understanding and empathy, which is why Penn believes the story “can grow.” Just as sharing Poppy’s story won’t automatically make the world a place, it is a start for a better world to grow from.
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Poppy walks out of the bathroom stall to find Aggie standing by the sinks. “Hi,” Aggie says. “Hi,” Poppy says. They make small talk, and Aggie asks about Thailand, and then she asks if Poppy is supposed to be in the girls’ bathroom. The principal said she could use the girls’ bathroom way back in the first grade, Poppy says. See, Aggie says, Poppy told the principal but not her. Poppy says her parents told the principal, but that isn’t the point.
Aggie’s question about Poppy’s right to use the girls’ bathroom suggest that Aggie still doesn’t understand Poppy’s gender identity. Poppy has every right to use the girls’ bathroom, and Aggie suggesting that she doesn’t is more evidence of the discrimination the transgender community faces.
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The point for Aggie is that she can’t be Poppy’s best friend now that everything has changed. Poppy says nothing has changed, and that she is the same person she has always been, but to Aggie, “everything’s changed.” They can’t have sleepovers, or be “rival princesses.” Yes, they can, Poppy says. Aggie asks Poppy if she is a girl or a boy. Poppy says she is both, and neither, and something else, too, even though she doesn’t know what that is. “It’s complicated,” Poppy says, “I’m kind of a weirdo.” Aggie smiles. They are too old to be princesses, Aggie says. They can be “rival weirdos” instead. 
Just as Penn argues, Poppy has changed, and so has Aggie. Poppy isn’t the same person she was before she went to Thailand because she has since learned to openly accept her gender identity and not conceal herself from the world. Poppy again implies that she is not entirely male or female but a hybrid mixture of the two. As Poppy still doesn’t conform to traditional gender roles, she can’t be Aggie’s “rival princess,” but they can still be friends. 
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Back at the house, Penn and Rosie watch their kids talk loudly and excitedly. Orion and Rigel can’t believe Penn and Rosie danced. Yuck, they say. Roo tells everyone an embarrassing story about Ben at the eighth-grade dance, which sparks a series of embarrassing stories that they now laugh at all over again. Rosie smiles at Penn. This is what it is all about. Family and togetherness and happiness. They can move away—they will move away—and the kids will change into adults and seem like different people, but it is all part of their story. Rosie tells Penn that they get a happy ending after all, but Penn tells her this isn’t the end. “Not even close,” he says.  
Penn’s claim that they aren’t near the end of their story implies that their story will be even better in the future. They are each headed for a very happy life, which again is evidence of the “middle way.” This passage also reflects the importance of family in the novel. The most important thing to Rosie—more important than gender identity and open-mindedness—is family, and without it, Frankel implies, nothing is worth anything at all.
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